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AUTOBIOGRAPHY
Personal Becollections
JOHN B. GOUOH,
TWENTY- SIX YEARS' EXPERIENCE AS A PUBLIC SPEAKER.
ILLUSTRATED BY GEORGE CRUIKSHANK AND OTHERS.
PUBLISHED BY \ 5
. A. H. HOVEY, TORONTO, ONT.
1870.
A-^
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1869, by
JOHN B. GOUGH,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of
Massachusetts.
SAMUEL BOWLES AND COMPANY,
PRINTERS, ELECTROTYPERS, AND BINDERS,
SPRINGFIELD, MASS.
0 mw Mtienbd
IN
AMERICA AND GREAT BRITAIN,
WHOSE SYMPATHY, CONFIDENCE, AND APPROVAL, HAVE ENCOURAGED, INSPIRED, AND CHEERED ME THROUGH THE EXPERI- ENCES OF SO MANY EVENTFUL YEARS,
THIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY, AND PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS, WITH GRATITUDE AND AFFECTION.
JOHN B. GOUGH.
ILLUSTRATIONS.
PAGE.
Portrait of Mr. Gough, Frontispiece.
Sandgate, Mr. Gough's Native Place, 25
Mr. Gough's Birthplace, 49
View of Mr. Gough's Residence, 251
An Extraordinary Scene at Sadlers Wells Theater, . 353
Festival of The London Temperance League, at Hart- well House, 361
''Hurra for Our Glorious Rights and Privileges," . . 475
Procession of The London Temperance League, in Lin-
coln's-Inn-Fields, 513
Mr. Gough's Library, 529
INTRODUCTION.
Twenty-five years ago I prepared and published a little work entitled "Autobiogeapht of John B. Gough," dedi- cated to Jesse W. Goodrich of Worcester, whose kindness cheered and supported me
" When days were dark and friends were few ; '*
and to Moses Grant of Boston, of whom it may with truth be said that
" To relieve the wretched was his pride ; " —
with the following introduction :
" It may be asked by many individuals whose eyes will fall on these pages, why I thought it requisite to add one to the already numerous autobiographies extant? I answer, that justice to myself, in some measure, demands an explicit state- ment of the principal incidents in an hitherto eventful life ; those incidents, or at least many of them, having, in frequent instances, been erroneously described. Besides this, many who have heard my verbal narrations, have intimated a de- sire to become more fully acquainted with a career, which, although it has extended but little beyond a quarter of a century, has been fruitful of adventure. To gratify others.
VI INTRODUCTION.
rather than myself, has been my object in reducing to a per- manent form my somewhat eventful history. I make no pre- tensions to literary merit, and trust this candid avowal will disarm criticism. Mine is, indeed, a
* Short and simple annal of the poor;' and if the perusal of these pages should cheer some fainting wanderer on the world's highway, and lead him far from the haunts of evil, by the still waters of temperance, my labor will have been well repaid. Truth constitutes the merit of my tale, if it possess any merit; and most of us know that real life often furnishes stranger stories than romance ever dreamed of; and that facts are frequently more startling than fiction.'*
And now another quarter of a century has passed away, every year of which I have been engaged in public work in this country and Great Britain, and at the earnest request of many friends, I have been induced, with much apprehension and some reluctance, to give to them some personal recollec- tions of these eventful years. I am aware that I shall lay myself open to the charge of egotism, as, of necessity, I must speak of myself. There will be faults of style perhaps, hardly conforming to the strict laws of rhetoric, — neither making nor calling for any strong effort of the understanding ; but I shall be satisfied if I can keep the mind of my reader pleasantly occupied, without fatiguing it. I shall embody the autobiog- raphy with additions and emendations, and, having gained a larger experience of men and their peculiarities, shall omit some things which, in my maturer judgment, I do not con-
INTRODUCTION. Vll
sider it expedient to retain. In speaking of individuals I shall, as I may deem it advisable, omit names ; shall speak of things pleasant and painful ; and, though I may touch some men's prejudices, I trust I shall write these recollections in the spirit that moved the immortal Lincoln, " with charity for all and malice towards none."
It is sometimes an advantage to a young man on the threshold of life's experiences, to be shown the pitfalls into which another has stumbled, and the snares in which another may have been caught. And thus I send this book forth, with an earnest desire that it may not simply amuse and in- terest, but help and stimulate in the battle of life, encourage the despondent, and aid the struggling in their efforts to rise above adverse circumstances.
John B. Gough.
" Hillside," Wokcestek, Mass., September, 1869.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTORY.
PAGE.
Reasons for Publishing — Misstatements Corrected — Requests of Friends — Plan of Writing — Object in View, ^
CHAPTER I.
Birth — Birthplace — Situation — Description of — Place of Resort — ^ Antiquity of— Queen Elizabeth at the Castle — Boyish Dreams — My Father — Military Exercises — Descriptions of Battles — ^My Mother — Her Character — Former Position — ^My First Lessons — Attendance at School — Love of Ruins — Description of Them — The View — Quietness of Sandgate — The Mail Coach — Trip to Maidstone — Description of — Smugglers — Their Nicknames — Martello Towers — Mode of Smuggling — Incidents — Wrecks, . 19
CHAPTER n.
William Wilberforce — Village Library — My Reading — Accident — Narrow Escape from Death — Our Circumstances — My Mother's Need — The Crown Piece — My Sister — Childish Amusements — Scrapes — Attempt at Punishment — Love of Mischief— Billy Ben- nett's Wig — Religious Persuasion of my Parents — Hythe — Cinque Ports — Gleaning after the Reapers — Going to Mill — Fairs— Guy Fawkes* Day— Boys' Celebration— Other Holidays, 33
CHAPTER in.
Departure for America — Leaving the Village — Separation from my Mother — London — On Board Ship — Anchored oflf Sandgate —
X CONTENTS.
PAGE.
Visits from Friends— My Father, Mother, and Sister — The Voy- age— Sandy Hook — New York — Journey to the Farm— Extracts from Letters, 47
CHAPTER IV.
Farm Life — Religious Impressions — Return to New York — My First Situation and Lodgings — Friends — Extracts from Letters — Change of Employment — Arrival of my Mother and Sister — Housekeeping — Lack of Work — A Hard Winter — My Mother's Sickness — Spring— Better Times, . 61
CHAPTER V.
My Mother's Death — Burial — Separation of my Sister and Myself — Visit to the Farm — Return to New York — My Companions and Amusements — Growing Dissipation — Removal to Bristol — To Providence — First Attempt on the Stage — Experience in Boston — Work in Newburyport — Fishing Voyage — Narrow Es- cape— Return Home — Storm at Sea — Jake's Terror — Arrival at Newburyport — Marriage — Housekeeping — Voyage to Bay of Fundy, 72
CHAPTER VL
Continued Residence in Newburyport — Increasing Dissipation — Falling off of Companions— Attempt at Work— Growing Reck- lessness— Trip to Lynn, Haverhill, and Amesbury — Concert — Re- turn Home — Fearful Scenes — Sickness — Delirium — Recovery — Leave Newburyport — Diorama — Return to Worcester — Employ- ment, 91
CHAPTER VII.
My Wife's 111 Health— Her Death— Continued Dissipation— Metho- dist Meeting Interrupted— Sad Reflections — Fourth of July —
CONTENTS. XI
PAGE.
Cold Water Army — Wretchedness of my Condition — Appeal to Young Men, 110
CHAPTER VIII.
My Miserable Condition— Memory and Effects of it Now— Joel Stratton— The Touch on my Shoulder— Our Walk— My Promise — Temperance Meeting in Town Hall, Worcester — First Speech in Public — Signing the Pledge — The Struggle — Jesse Goodrich — Terrible Sickness — Recovery, 124
CHAPTER IX.
My Changed Condition — Weekly Speeches — My Old Overcoat- First Speech in a Pulpit — ^]\Iy New Suit — First Remuneration — Invitations — Extracts from Papers — New Year's Celebration at Barre — Permission to Leave Work for Two Weeks — My Apron and the Bibles, 139
CHAPTER X.
Violation of the Pledge — Reformed Drunkard's Prayer — Constant Work — ^111 Health — Boston — Old Companions — Bitter Reflec- tions— Return to Worcester — Re-signing the Pledge — Extracts from Journals — Kindness of Friends — Drunkenness a Disease — Moderate Drinking — Constitution and Temperament — Instance of a Printer — A Lawyer — Another — Reasons for Giving Them — Picture of Blindfold Child, 145
CHAPTER XI.
Lectures Continued — ^Written Record — Number of Speeches — Re- muneration— Miles Traveled — Signatures Obtained — Incidents — Visit to a Drunkard — Laughable Experience — Deacon Moses Grant at Hopkinton — Engagements for Boston — Adventure with an Officer of Justice — First Speech in Boston — Other Speeches
Xll CONTENTS.
PAGE.
— ^My Marriage — Meeting with Deacon Grant — Trip to New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Washington — Return to Phil- adelphia— Keturn to Boston, 159
CHAPTER XII.
Temperance Celebration in Boston — Description of— Trip to West- ern New York — Visit to the Penitentiary on Blackwell's Island — Benefit at Tabernacle — Meeting in Faneuil Hall — Work at Phil- adelphia and other Places — Views on Moral Suasion — Review of my Experience, 175
CHAPTER Xni.
Enmity to the Cause of Temperance — Accusations — Traps — Threat- ening Letters — A Public Slander — Extract from Journal — Apol- ogy— Old Debts — Epithets — Charge of Drinking — Statement — Church Report — My Own Convictions — Kindness of Friends, 195
CHAPTER XIV.
Severe Illness — " Goughiana " — Speeches in Boston, Worcester, Newburyport, Dedham, New York, and Virginia — Woman Sold — Boston — Return to Virginia — Speech on Liquor Traffic — Night Serenade — A Crowd — Abolitionist — Work Continued — Brain Fever — Recovery — News of my Father — Address to Colored People — Their Singing — Prayers — Return Home — Extract from my Father's Letter, 211
CHAPTER XV.
Work Among the Children — Incidents — Disturbance in " Faneuil Hall" — Extracts from Journals — Dread of Audiences — Tremont Temple — Meeting in New York — Refusal to let me Pass — Flush- ing, L. I.—" Singed Cat "—PoHte Proprietor, 223
CONTENTS. Xlll
CHAPTER XVI.
PAGE.
Line of Travel for the Year-^Meeting at Kingston — Fall of the Platform — Notice of the Accident — Practical Jokes — My Father's Arrival in this Country — Comments of the Press — Opposition of Temperance Papers — Charge of Becoming Rich — Statement of Receipts — Present Condition — Purchase of Land — Building a House, 240
CHAPTER XVII.
Continued work— Examples of the Power of Drink — Letter from an Englishman — His History — Visit to Montreal — Address to the Soldiers — Work in Detroit — Flowers from the Children — Interview with a Young Lady — Case of Reform, 253
CHAPTER XVIII.
Journey to Pittsburg — Work in that City — Panic in Dr. Heron's Church — Cincinnati — Dr. Fisher's Church — Wesley Chapel — Wesley College — Albums — Return Home — Visit to Halifax — Ad- dress to the Highlanders — Signs — Speech in Coburg — Tearing my Coat — Flag Presentation — Criticisms of Gestures — "The Platform does it" — Power of a Theme — Incident in Jersey City, 267
CHAPTER XIX.
Invitation to Great Britain — Mr. Kellogg's Visit — Acceptance of my Propositions — Farewell Meetings — Dr. Beecher's Blessing — Departure — Arrival at Liverpool — Welcome to England — Work Prepared — Arrival in London — Pleasant Impressions — Recep- tion— The Street Band — Sight-Seeing — Punch and Judy — Exeter Hall— First Speech, 279
XIV CONTENTS.
CHAPTER XX.
PAGE.
Account of Reception and Speech from a Published Work — Invita- tion— Preparations — Results — Extract from the Banner — " The Bane and the Antigoat " — " Variety the Spice of Life," . . « 287
CHAPTER XXI.
Route to Scotland — Edinburgh — Fete at Surrey Gardens — Visit to Sandgate — Old Friends — Old Associations — My Home — The Old Nail — Speech at Folkestone — Mrs. Beattie — Reverence Paid to Rank — My leather's Clergyman — Return to London — London Fog — Christmas at George Campbell's, ... 302
CHAPTER XXII.
Places of Interest — Brymbo Hall — John Bright — The Soldier and his Wife — Second Visit to Sandgate — Newstead Abbey — Vandal- ism— Farewell Addresses — Departure for America — Review of Work — Arguments for Drinking — Scriptural Arguments — Mur- ray's Lectures, 314
CHAPTER XXIII.
British Organizations — The Term " Orator " — Votes of Thanks — Introductions — The Scotch Lassies — The Handkerchief — The Broken Carriage AVindow — The Scotch Breakfast — A Run for the Train — Hospitalities — English Comfort, 331
CHAPTER XXIV.
Lecture before the Young Men's Christian Association — Comments of the Press — Address to the Edinburgh Students — Soiree in Tanfield Hall — Address to Ladies — Public Dinner and Ban- quet— The Lever Clock — Silver Pitcher — Rice Pudding, . . . 340
CONTENTS. XV
CHAPTER XXV.
Speech at Leslie— Prof. Miller— Throat Remedies— Scene at Sad- lers Wells Theater — Address to Oxford Students— Ludicrous jScene " Fair Play " — Fete at Hartwell House — Fireworks — In- fluence of Drink— Extracts from Letters— Other Cases— Poor Ned, 350
CHAPTER XXVI.
Address to Outcasts— " Fire "—" One of Us"— Arrival Home— • First Speech in Philadelphia — First Visit to Chicago — Impres- sions— The West — Christian Influence — Return Home — A Wed- ding— Summer's Rest — Work in the Church and Sunday-School — Rev. Geo. Gould — Death of William Lincoln — Second Visit to Chicago — Cincinnati — Work in Boston, New "X ork, and Pennsyl- vania— Return Home — Preparations for Second Trip to England — Farewell Picnic — Address in Worcester — Departure, . . . 372
CHAPTER XXVII.
Reasons for Inserting the Trial — The "Dead Letter" — State of Feeling regarding it — Comments of the Press — Arrival in Eng- land—Queen Street Hall — Continued Attacks, 391
CHAPTER XXVIII. Trial in the Libel Case — Court of Exchequer — " Gough vs. Lees," 405
CHAPTER XXIX.
Continued Controversy — Macaulay's Letter — Extract from the " London Morning Star " — " Manchester Examiner and Times," 428
XVI CONTENTS.
CHAPTER XXX.
PAGE.
Fete at Sudbrook Park — Soiree at George Cruikshank's — Edin- burgh— Orkney Islands — Absence of Trees — Trip to Sanday — Visit to Paris — Pumpkin Pie — Drunkenness in Wine-Growing Countries— Geneva— Mayence—Vevay — Mont Blanc— Glaciers —The "Dreadful Doll "—Cologne— Relics— Visit to Ireland- Last Meeting in London — Bible Presentation — Our Departure, 440
CHAPTER XXXI.
Society in Great Britain — Toadyism — The Nobility — The State Dinner — Aristocracy of Blood — Aristocracy of Wealth — Temp- tations Incident to these Classes — Social Evil in Great Britain — Lines of Division — " Gentility " — " Only a Mechanic " — Eng- lish Factories — The Harvest Home — "Beer in Moderation" — English Sports — Benches for the " Colic " — Condition of the La- boring Classes, . . ' 456
CHAPTER XXXn.
The "Navvies" — Irish Begging — Ballad Singers — The "Poet Horse " — Irish Famine — Americans in Europe — Want of Taste — Snuff-Taking — Feeing Servants — Railways in Great Britain — The Night Trains— Signs, 482
CHAPTER XXXIII.
Reform in England — English Mind — American Mind — Women's Work in England—" Beautiful Work " — Fetes for the People — Parlor Meetings — Carshalton Park— Poor Women from Lon- don— Flowers — One Bright Day, 504
CONTENTS. Xvii
CHAPTER XXXiy.
PAGE.
Departure for America — Bad News — The Minister's Welcome — Reception at Mechanics' Hall — Death of Joel Stratton — His Life
( and Character — First Written Lecture — Charge of Deserting the Temperance Cause — Beggars — Borrowers — Bores — Anecdotes of Travel — Railroad Accidents, 519
CHAPTER XXXV.
Silver Wedding — Presentation of Gifts — Speech — Letter to Com- mittee— Record of Work — Audiences of Students — The Book — The War — Family — Nannie's Death — Letter from my Wife — Record of Friends — Courtesy of Fellow-Laborers — Conclusion, 538
AUTOBIO GR APH Y.
CHAPTER I.
Birtli — Birthplace — Situation — Description of — Place of Resort — An- tiquity of — Queen Elizabeth at the Castle — Boyish Dreams — My Father — Military Exercises — Descriptions of Battles — My Mother — Her Character — Former Position — My First Lessons — Attendance at School — Love of Ruins — Description of Them — The View — Quiet- ness of Sandgate — The Mail-Coach — Trip to Maidstone — Descrip- tion of— Smugglers — Their Nicknames — Martello Towers — Mode of Smuggling — Incidents — Wrecks.
I WAS born on the 22d of August, 1817, at Sand- gate, in the County of Kent, England. I have heard my mother say that, in' that year, nearly all the win- dows of our little house were broken by the concus- sion caused by the firing of cannon from the Castle, in honor of the grand visit of the allied monarchs and their famous followers to England^ and that a government agent went round afterwards to pay the bill. It is a romantic little watering-place, frequented by many of the aristocracy and gentry, and was a favorite resort of William Wilberforce. In an old guide-book published the year before I was born — 1816 — Sandgate is described as: "A neat and pic- turesque village, situated on the direct road from Hythe to Folkestone. It consists principally of one street, of a handsome breadth, at the foot of a range of lofty eminences, and on the very brink of the
20 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
sea, — of which it commands a boundless and delight- ful view. The houses, though small, are commodious and remarkably clean, light, and cheerful." Now, a large number of houses have been erected for the reception and accommodation of visitors, who are there for the purpose of sea-bathing. It is, indeed, a quiet little spot, and that which has been said of another place of resort may, with propriety, be ap- plied to Sandgate, — it has "cheerfulness without noise, tranquillity without dullness, and facility of commu- nication without disturbance."
The Earl of Darnley has an elegant villa, sur- rounded by a plantation, and over-looking the houses and the sea. The earliest account of Sandgate is to be met with in the mention of a castle which was standing there in the reign of Richard the Second, who directed his writ to the keeper of the castle of Sandgate, to admit Henry of Lancaster, Duke of Hereford, with his family, horses, and attendants, to tarry there six weeks for refreshment. On the site of this building, which had been demolished, another castle was built in 1539, by Henry the Eighth. When Elizabeth made her famous progress to the coast in 1588, her majesty honored Sandgate Castle with her presence, and was entertained and lodged here by the Governor.
This castle was a favorite resort of mine, and hav- ing, when quite a boy, gained favor with the keeper, I was permitted free access; and, as I acquired some knowledge of Bluff King Hal, I would wander through the court-yards, the turrets, and the battle- ments, and build castles in the air, and — in fancy — people the place with its old inhabitants, and see
AUTOBIOGKAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 21
plumed cavaliers and ruffled dames pacing tlie corri- dors, or surrounding the groaning board. Katharine of Arragon, Anna Boleyn^ Katharine Seymour, and others, flitted by me, and — living in the past — sur- rounded by these associations, almost unconsciously my imagination was cultured, and my mind imbued with a love of history and poetry; and, having a taste for the beauties of nature, I was often to be found roaming on the beach, gazing at the great sea, and listening to its everlasting moan; — little dream- ing that three thousand miles beyond, was a land in which my lot would be cast ! But I anticipate.
My father had enlisted as a soldier in 1798, and served in the Fortieth and the famous Fiftj^-Second Regiments of Light Infantry, till 1823, when he was discharged with a pension of twenty pounds a year. He was in the Peninsular War, and obtained a medal with six clasps, for Corunna, Talavera, Salamanca, Badajos, Pombal, and Busaco. He was once slightly wounded in the breast. I remember, as well as if it had been but yesterday, how he would go through military exercises with me, my mimic weapon being a broom, and my martial equipments some of his faded trappings. I was not, however, destined to see how fields were won. With what intense interest have I often listened to his descriptions of battle- fields ! How I have shuddered at contemplating the dreadful scenes which he so graphically portrayed! He was present at the memorable battle of Corunna, and witnessed its hero, Sir John Moore, carried from that fatal field. "Here," he would say, "was such a regiment; there, such a battalion; in this situation was the enemy; and yonder was the position of the
22 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
General and his staff." And then he would go on to describe the death of the hero, his looks, and his burial near the ramparts, until my young heart would leap with excitement. Apart from such attractions as these, my father possessed few for a child. His mihtary habits had become a second nature with him. Stern discipline had been taught him in a severe school, and, it being impossible for him to cast off old associations, he was not calculated to win the deep affections of a child, — although in every respect he deserved and possessed my love.
My mother's character was cast in a gentler mould. Her heart was a fountain whence the pure waters of affection never ceased to flow. Her very being seemed twined with mine, and ardently did I return her love. For the long space of twenty years she had occupied the humble position of school-mistress in the village, and frequently planted the first princi- ples of knowledge in the minds of children whose parents had, years before, been benefited by her early instructions. And well qualified, by nature and acquirements, was she for the interesting office she filled, — if a kindly heart and a well-stored mind be the requisites.
Of course I received my first lessons at home, but as I advanced in years, it became advisable that I should be sent to a school; and to one I was accord- ingly sent. There was a free school in the village, but my father, though he could ill-afibrd it, paid a weekly sum for my instruction at the seminary of Mr. Davis of Folkestone. I progressed rapidly in my limited education, and became a teacher in the school. Two classes, as was the custom, were placed
i
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 23
under my care; the children of one of them I initi- ated into the art and mystery of spelling words of two syllables, and taught the Rule of Three to a class more advanced. I have now the last "cyphering book" I used in that school. On the fly-leaf is a specimen of my fancy writing, — Johj^ Gough, Nov. ISth, 1827. I was then ten years of age. Soon after, I left the school, and have never since entered a day-school, or Sunday-school, to learn a lesson.
As I look back to that far past, and call to mind the scenes of my early childhood, how they pass in review before me! I have always had an intense love of the old, and would travel farther to see a ruin, than the finest modern structure. And no wonder; for the vicinity of my home is full of the monuments of ancient time : Lympne Castle, a fortification made by the Romans, to protect the road from their port of Lympne (now Lymne) to Canterbury; — Shepway Cross, remarkable for its antiquity; — the Chapel of Our Lady, at Courtat street, where, in 1523, Elizabeth Barton, by her prophesies and divinations, obtained the name of " The Holy Maid of Kent," and — in that age of bigotry and superstition — drew devotees and pilgrims to this chapel; history tells us how she was induced to prophesy in affairs of state, and, offending Henry the Eighth, was brought before the Star-Cham- ber, and "suffered at Tyburn;" — then, the ruins of Studfall Castle, described as one of the watch-towers built by Theodosius; — Saltwood Castle, the commence ment of which is ascribed to the King of Kent in 488; — Westenhanger House, supposed to have been a royal residence as early as the reign of Henry the Second; a portion of the old building had the name
24 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
of "Fair Eosamond's Tower." All these,- and many more, in a circuit of a few miles from my native village, — indeed, they could all be seen in one day. How I have clung closer to my mother's hand, and held my breath, and thrilled with that half-pleasurable terror of a child in passing a haunted house, as Rokeby Castle loomed in the moonlight when we crossed the Park on our way from Braybourne, where mother was born! — Dover Castle, eight miles away; Shaks- peare's Cliif, nearer; Canterbury, with its gorgeous cathedral, four hours' walk from us; Folkestone, a mile and a half distant, with its historical associations — the castle, now gone, built by the Lord of Folke- stone in 1052, and the nunnery, or abbey, of which Leland writes; the steep, narrow, irregular High Street, up and down which, with my green bag of books (few enough there were of them!) at my back, I traveled day by day for three years on my way to and from school. How well I remember ; — up through the High Street, past the house where Harvey, who discovered the circulation of the blood, was born, on to the level plain, by the edge of the cliff; and as we near home, what an enchanting scene! the barracks up yonder, at Shorncliffe; the Martello Towers; the sea; the white cliffs toward Dover; the distant coast of France; the castle and village; with all the di- versified scenery surrounding us, make that half hour's walk as pleasant in its variety and beauty as any in the kingdom.
My reader will not, probably, thank me for so much description ; but it is of my home — my birthplace — and I feel that the impressions made on my mind by these surroundings have been permanent.
(
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 27
Sandgate was, in my boyhood, a much quieter place than now. There was nothing to break the dull monotony. Occasionally a fracas between the men-of-war's men and the smugglers would create an excitement, and stir to the depths the whole com- munity. The passing of the mail from Dover to London twice each day, through the village, was never without its interest, though the people knew coach and coachmen, and the names of the horses. There was always a group at the inn door to ex- change a word with the coachman or guard, or hear a bit of the latest news from London — that far-off, mys- terious city! With what reverence, almost amount- ing to awe, would the staid villagers gaze on one who had been to "Lunnon!" The father of one of my school-fellows — Charley Austin — was a coachman on this line, driving down from Dover to Maidstone, half way to London, and returning. One day — a real red- letter day to me — my father gave his permission for me to accompany Charley to Maidstone. Behold us, then, we two boys, with the prospect of a seventy miles ride on the top of a crack mail-coach in 1825 !
That English mail-coach was a '^ thing of beauty." The recollections of that ride are fresh to-day. How we did spin along, ten miles an hour, horses changed every seven miles ! It was wonderfully stirring, and we could almost say of it, as Johnson said to Boswell, as they rapidly rode in a post-chaise, — (only we knew nothing of either of those gentlemen then): "Ah! Bozzy — life hasn't many better things than this." Coachman and guard in scarlet livery; four shining, spirited horses, the ostlers at their heads, ready to throw oflf the blankets at the words, "all right;"
28 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
the crack of the whip ; the smart trot, and ring of the horses' feet on the hard road; hedges, mansions, barns, cottages — all passing rapidly; the rattling noise of the wheels on the rough stones of some provincial town; the excitement; dogs barking; the bugle of the guard playing a merry tune; people throwing up the win- dows, and running to the doors, to look at the gaudily painted mail-coach ; the short stop at the public house ; four horses all ready, an ostler to each horse; the coachman on his seat, and while the horses are being put to, he is fastening a new piece of cord to his whip; the guard mounting; the reins thrown up; the "all right!" the tearing away — on and on — it was almost the perfection of traveling ! I have never so thoroughly enjoyed a ride as on that sunny sum- mer day, from Sandgate to Maidstone, and back.
I spoke, just now, of the smugglers. There was a regularly organized gang of them in the village ; and I must confess that the sympathies of nearly the whole community were generally with them, though their influence was fearfully demoralizing. Lying close to the sea — only twenty-two miles from the French coast — with high hills surrounding the village on every side but one — that towards Hythe — it was a spot peculiarly fitted for their successful exploits against the revenue. They were a bold, hardy set of men. A public house, called the Fleur-de-lis, was their favorite haunt. Their boats, painted white, lay along the beach. Every one knew they were smugglers — even the men-of-war's men knew them — but the diffi- culty was to catch them.* During the panic about
* Every man in the village, who was engaged in defrauding the revenue, had a nickname, and was really known by no other. Some of these nick-
i
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 29
the French invasion, the government had erected Martello Towers all along the coast. These towers are each capable of accommodating from twenty-five .to thirty men, with a piece of heavy ordnance on the roof They are erected either on eminences, or on the shore, near the w^ater's edge, at intervals of a quarter to half a mile. The walls are of great thick- ness, their shape circular, height between thirty and fort}^ feet. Their foundations are laid at the bottom of a deep pit, which forms a dry ditch, the entrance guarded by a draw-bridge, which, when raised, forms a double door — the inner one strongly cased in cop- per. These Martello Towers were used at this time for the accommodation of men-of-war's men, with their of&cers, whose duty it was to pace the beach, day and night, armed with cutlass and pistols, to pre- vent smuggling. The plan of the smugglers was: to go out in a smack, or lugger, for fish — ostensibly — run over to France, get their goods on board in water- tight cases, — silks, laces, tea, and other articles, and brandy in small casks, called ankers, — put out in the channel, take their bearings, and sink the goods; then catch a few fish, and return. The men-of-war's men immediately search their boats, while the smugglers, with perfect indifference, look on and chaff them; though they were generally very civil.
The most difficult part of their work is to run the
names in Sandgate were Bonum, Crappie, Horney, Boxer, and Stickeroff. The name descended from father to son. A boy coming into our little Sun- day-school, was asked his name.
" Stickeroff," was the reply.
" What's your father's name 1 "
" Stickeroff;— he's old Stickeroff, and I'm young Stickeroff."
These names were used to lessen the chance of detection, as their real names, under which they would be prosecuted, were never heard.
30
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
goods. This is done on a dark night. Remember^ the men-of-war's men are constantly on the watch, patrolling the beach. The smugglers, dressed in white frocks, trowsers, and hats, with moccasins on their feet, glide to their boats — slip the mufflers into the row-locks, lift their boat and carry it into the water, leap into it, and away! In the meantime, their women, and even their children, are aiding them on shore.
See that bright iight that flashes but a moment from the hill ! Every one knows that the smugglers are to have a run to-night. No one, at that time, was permitted to carry a light in the streets after a cer- tain hour; but that is a signal. In an opposite direc- tion, you see another; and if you keep a sharp look out, you will observe in the channel just one flash. All right! They have their bearings.
I remember one evening after dark, a boy asked me to go up the hill with him. When we had arrived at a certain point, he took some oakum steeped in turpentine, and laid it on the ground; then took a small dark lantern (there were no friction matches then) and set fire to it. As the tow blazed up, he said "run, Johnny, run," — and we both did run, blun- dering and stumbling in the darkness till we came to the village. I went home, and told my father, and he boxed my ears.
The most perilous part of the smuggler's work is to land the goods ; and it is surprising how successful they were — so many were helping them on shore. Horses were waiting to carry their goods up the country, and a gang of men ready to wade into the w^ter, and sling a couple of ankers, or cases, on their
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
31
shoulders, and run up the beach. How they suc- ceeded in evading the men-of-war's men, I cannot tell you; but they did it enough to make the business very profitable. Occasionally they had trouble, and father would say, when we have heard firing, and sometimes the rushing of feet past our door, — "Ah! the smugglers are at it again." A party of the run- ners being closely pursued, one night, opened our door and threw in a large package, and then ran on. My father was in the room, and instantly threw it out into the darkness; for the slightest suspicion of his com- plicity with smugglers would risk his pension. Though he might wish them well as neighbors, he was bound to withholid all sympathy from them as smugglers.
One circumstance I well remember. A young man had bought a couple of pounds of tea for his mother, and had put it into his long fishing boots; on land- ing, the preventive officer insisted on searching him personally, for, said he, "I smell tea." He was re- sisted, and the quarrel grew to such a height, that the officer drew his pistol and shot the young man dead. In one minute the unfortunate officer was cut to pieces; a dozen knives were used upon him; and, I believe, not one of the men was punished, though the deed was done in broad daylight. The men engaged in the affray were not seen for some time after in the village, and woe be to any one who would have betrayed them; his life would not have been worth a button. But all this has passed away years ago.
Living so near the sea, we saw some fearful wrecks. Once I beheld the wreck of an East-Indiaman, in which some seven hundred passengers, returning
32 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
troops and seamen, perished. For weeks after, I saw in my dreams the hair of the women floating on the water, as I had seen it in reality, when the boats went out to bring in the bodies. Some scores of bodies were brought to land or washed ashore, and buried in Cheriton church-yard.
CHAPTER II.
William Wilberforce — Village Library — My Eeading — Accident — Nar- row Escape from Death — Our Circumstances — My Mother's Need — The Crown Piece — My Sister — Childish Amusements — Scrapes — Attempt at Punishment — Love of Mischief — Billy Bennett's Wig — Religious Persuasion of my Parents — Hythe — Cinque Ports — Glean- ing after the Reapers — Going to Mill — Fairs — Guy Fawkes' Day — Boys' Celebration — Other Holidays.
Among other circumstances connected with this period of my life, I well remember one which much impressed me. The venerable and devoted William Wilberforce resided, during a few of the summer months, at Sand gate, for the benefit of his health. I had heard much of the great philanthropist, and was not a little delighted when my father took me to his lodgings, where a prayer-meeting was held. How it was, I know not, but I attracted Mr. Wilberforce's attention. He patted me on the head, said many kind things, and expressed wishes for my welfare. He also presented me with a book, and wrote with his own hand my name on the fly-leaf Having acquired some reputation as a good reader, he re- quested me to read to him. I did so, and he ex- pressed himself much pleased. The book he gave me I have long since lost; but never shall I forget the kindly words of the venerable giver.
I have remarked that I was considered to be a good reader. Often whilst I was sitting reading to
34 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
my mother, as she sat working by our cottage door, which faced the sea, did strangers stay to listen, at- tracted by my proficiency in this art. There was a library in the village, kept by Mr. Purday, and to this place many visitors to our watering-place re- sorted, to hear the news. Very frequently I was sent for, to read to ladies and gentlemen, and the school-mistress' son become a general purveyor of the gossip of the day ; in return for which I was re- warded pretty liberally. On one occasion a gentle- man, to whom I had read some portions of a news- paper, was so much pleased, that he took me to the library fronting the reading-room, in the same build- ing, and asked me what book I would like to take. Showing me a volume which contained hieroglyphic pictures and a common prayer-book, he offered me my choice. Now, with all the love of a lad for pic- tures, I ardently desired the hieroglyphical designs; but, thinking I should be considered more favorably if I preferred the prayer-book, I chose the latter, — much against my will. My choice was applauded; and "a bright half-crown into the bargain consoled me for the self-mortification which my vanity had imposed. About this time I experienced a very narrow es- cape from death. I went to school at Folkestone, and was returning from that place one day, accompa- nied by some other boys, playing at wagon and horses — four boys personating quadrupeds, which I was driving, at rather a rapid rate. It happened that a man who was digging a trench by the road-side did not perceive the four lads I was driving, they having stooped as they passed him. He threw up a spadeful of clay, intending to toss it to some distance, and the
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHI^ B. GOUGH. 35
sharp edge of the implement was driven with great force against my head. I instantly sunk down insen- sible, and deluged with blood. I was carried home by the boys — who in reality became animals of bur- den— still unconscious, to my terrified parents; and for days my life was despaired of Even when re- covery seemed probable, few hopes of my returning reason were entertained. Although, by the provi- dence of God, I recovered, yet to this day I feel the effects of that blow. When excited in speaking, I am frequently compelled to press my hands on my head, to ease the pricking and darting sensation I experience ; and never, I suppose, shall I be entirely free from inconvenience from this cause. My father had a tender heart, notwithstanding his habitual sternness, and he scarcely ever reverted to this cir- cumstance in after days without tears.
During my father's absence, seeking employment, he obtained a situation as gentleman's servant. My mother's circumstances were very jnuch straitened, although, in addition to school-keeping, she worked industriously at making a kind of lace, then very fashionable, and in the manufacture of which she ex- celled. On one occasion, when our necessities abso- lutely required extra exertion, she took her basket of work and traveled eight and a half weary miles to the town of Dover, Arrived there, foot-sore and heart- weary, she threaded the streets and lanes with her lace, seeking for customers, and not finding one; and after reluctantly abandoning the pursuit, she once more turned her face towards home — a home desolate indeed ! Painful, bitterly painful, were my mother's reflections as she drew near her door; and when she 3
36 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
rested her fatigued frame, she had nothing in the house with which to recruit her strength. During her absence, a gentleman had sent for me to the library, and was so pleased with my reading, that he made me a present of five shillings; and Mr. Purday, in addition, gave me sixpence. 0, how rich I was! Never had I possessed so vast an amount before ; and all imaginable modes of spending it flitted before my fancy. I went to play with some other boys until my mother's return from Dover; and soon afterwards, on entering our house, I found her sitting in her chair, bathed in tears. I asked her what was the matter? — when she drew me close to her, and, looking in my face with a mournful expression which I shall never forget, told me that all her weary journey had been fruitless — she had sold nothing. Oh ! with what joy I drew the crown piece and the sixpence from my pocket, and placed them in her hand; and with what delightful feelings we knelt down, whilst she poured out her heart in thankfulness to God, for the relief so seasonably provided. My mother gave me a half- penny for myself, and I felt far happier then, than I did when I received the shining silver crown piece ; it was all my own, to do as I liked with — to keep or spend ! What an inestimable privilege ! I can, in all sincerity say, that never have I received money, since then, which has afforded me more solid satisfac- tion; and some of my most pleasant reminiscences are circumstances connected w^ith that boyish incident.
I ought, before this, to have mentioned that I had a sister, two years younger than myself, of whom I thought a, great deal. She was my chief playmate. I used to frequently personate a clergyman, being then
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OP JOHJif B. GOUGH. 37
very fond of imitation ; and, having rigged up a chair into some resemblance of a pulpit, I would secure her services in the dressing up of rag dolls, which consti- tuted my congregation, for whose especial benefit I would pour forth my mimic oratory — very much to my own amusement, if not to the edification of my dumb friends, who sat stiff and starched, perfect pat- terns of propriety. Then, as a diversion, I manufac- tured, from an old bottomless chair, a very respecta- ble Punch and Judy box; and many a laugh have I raised among my young companions by my perform- ances in that line. My puppets were of home manu- facture, but they passed muster well enough, espe- cially with the boys and gjrls who had never been fortunate enough to have seen the genuine personifi- cation of these remarkable characters.
I did not entirely avoid getting into what boys call "scrapes" — nor did I escape punishments. I was, like all others, occasionally disobedient, or as my poor dear mother would sometimes say, "aggravating;" but the dear soul, I believe, never punished me without laughing before she got through. My terror at cor- poral punishment, or physical pain, was so intense as to be sometimes positively ludicrous. I remember there was one day, a collier, that is, a large vessel laden with coals, that ran in on the high tide to un- load; so that when the tide went down, she lay dry on the beach, and the boys delighted in the perform- ance of swinging by her ropes, and occasionally climb- ing on board. I was busily engaged at this sort of play, when my mother called me to carry a pail of ref- use to our pig, thai was kept in a pen some quarter of a mile from our house. I crawled up the beach
38 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHJ^ B. GOUGH.
very reluctantly, and taking the pail, made out that it was too heavy, and pretended that I could not carry it — in short, was very "aggravating;" when my poor mother took the pail from me and carried it herself — bidding me go into the house, and wait till she returned. As she came in, I knew by her face, that I should " catch it," and when she came, with a stick in her hand, looking as sternly as the dear soul was capable of, I ran, and she after me, till I got into a closet, and would not come out. She could not strike to hurt me, for the door was low and narrow, affording no room for the swing of the stick. The poking at me without a blow became amusing, and I laughed. The poor dear soul, her eyes dancing and her mouth twitching with ill-concealed merriment, said, "Well, John, I'll give you a stirring up," — and so with a circular motion, I got the stick alternately on the head and legs, till I promised to come out and take my punishment in a more legitimate manner. Ah! dear mother, how often she used to laugh at stirring me up with a stick in the closet !
I always possessed the dangerous faculty of seeing the ludicrous side of everything, and was famous for "making fun." This was the source of some trouble, both in boyhood and in after years, and I have al- ways sympathized with every boy who was "prone to mischief," — I mean without malice. Any and every opportunity for a joke was a strong temptation, al- most irresistible. How, when I have seen the baker, with a tray of loaves on his head, my toes would fairly curl in my shoes, with the longing just to put out my foot, and give him only one little trip. I think one of the severest punishments my father ever
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 39
gave me — and I richly deserved it — was for a trick of this kind, which boys call "fun." A dapper little man, a tailor by profession, attended the Methodist Chapel, where my father used to worship; and his seat was directly in front of ours. He was a bit of a dandy, a little conceited, and rather proud of his per- sonal appearance, but was a sad stammerer. He had what was called a "scratch wig" — a small affair, that just covered the top of his head. One unlucky Sun- day for me, as I was sitting in the chapel, with his head and wig right before me, I began playing with a pin, and having bent it to the form of a hook, found in my pocket a piece of string; tied it around the head of the pin, and began to fish, with no thought of any particular mischief, and doing what boys often do in church, when they are not interested in, or do not understand the service. So with one eye on my father, who sat by me intently listening to the dis- course, and one eye alternately on the minister and my fishing line, I continued to drop my hook, and haul it up again very quietly — when, becoming tired of fishing, I gathered up the line, and resting the pin on my thumb, gave it a snap ; up it went ; I snapped it again, and again very carefully, till one unfortunate snap sent the pin on Billy Bennett's head; it slid off. Then the feat was, to see how often I could snap it on his head without detection. After several successful performances of this feat, I snapped it a little too hard, and it rested on the ^*^ scratch wig" too far for- ward to fall off. So I must needs pull the string, and as my ill fortune would have it, the pin would not come ; I drew it harder and harder, very cautiously, till it was tight. The pin had caught somewhere.
40 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
Now I knew, if detected, I should be severely pun- ished. The temptation was so strong to pull off that wig, that it seemed to me, I must do it; my fingers itched ; I began almost to tremble with the excitement. I looked at my father. He saw nothing. All were at- tentively listening to the preacher. I must do it; so, looking straight at the minister, and giving one sharp, sudden jerk, off came the wig. I let go of the string; poor Billy sprung from his seat, and, clasping both hands to his head, cried, "Goo — Goo — Good Lord!" — to the astonishment of the congregation. But there in our pew lay the wig, with pin and string attached, as positive evidence against me. One look at my fa- ther's face, convinced me that "I had done it," and should "catch it," and "catch it" I did. My father waited till Monday, and in the morning conducted me to Billy Bennett's, and made me beg his pardon very humbly. Billy was very good-natured, and actually tried to beg me off; but my father declared he would "dust my jacket for me." And he did; or at any rate, would have dusted it most thoroughly, but he made me take it off — so that the jacket was none the better for the "dusting," but my shoulders and back "suffered some," and it served me right. All through my life this tendency to "make fun" has been of no advantage to me, though it has given me many a hearty laugh.
When I was about nine years old, my father en- tered the service of the Rev. J. D. Glennie, a clergy- man of the church of England, and chaplain to Lord Darnley, residing in the village, and ofiiciating in the chapel of ease built by his lordship — there having ^been, previously, but one house of worship in the
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 41
place, and that a small Methodist chapel. We there- fore lived together, as my father was a day servant, and slept at home. He was a Methodist; my mother was ,a Baptist, and had been, while living in Lon- don, a member of Surrey Ghapel, under the pas- torate of the celebrated Rowland Hill. Rev. New- man Hall is the minister in charge now. My mother generally attended, w^th my father, the Methodist chapel; yet she would occasionally walk to Folke- stone, or Hythe, to attend a church of her own de- nomination. I well remember many a walk I had with her! Hythe was but three milec distant; and quite a famous town that was to me ! It was one of the Cinque Ports, or Five Havens, which — being op- posite to the coast of France — were so named for their superior importance in time of war; and at that time hostility to France seemed the natural in- heritance of the people.
At very remote periods, these ports or havens were endowed, by royal grants, with many valuable privi- leges and immunities. Among these were: an ex- emption from all taxes and tolls; power to punish foreigners as well as natives, who were guilty of theft; to have a pillory, and a cocking (i. e. ducking) stool, for the punishment of scolds, or brawling women — "if any such should be found in the district." But, in return for this, the ports were required to fit out a certain number of ships, in time of war, with a quota of men, to attend the King's service for fifteen days, at their own expense. The ports were : Dover, Sand- wich, Romney, Hastings, and Hythe. The church of St. Leonard's, at Hythe, was famous, among other things, for an enormous collection of human skulls and
42 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
bones. Within the vault the pile was twenty-eight feet in length, eight feet in breadth, and of equal height. They were said to be the bones of combat- ants slain in a battle between the ancient Britons and the Saxons, about the year 456, on the shore between Folkestone and Hythe. Whenever we visited the town, we usually went to see the bones. They were quite the show of the place. I have seen them scores of times.
At this time but little occurred to ruffle the calm surface of our lives. We did as others do who are poor — fought for daily bread. In the autumn, mother and sister and I would go gleaning the ears that fell from the reapers in the wheat field, and often return loaded with the bundles of grain thus gathered. Then, some Saturday afternoon, when mother's school "didn't keep," we would clear all the furniture from the room (little enough there was), lay our treasure of wheat on the floor, and with sticks, thrash it out, and winnow it with a pair of bellows. We children thought it rare fun. But the crowning joy to me was, when I was permitted to take the bag of grain to the mill, a mile away. That was an event! I, like all boys, was fond of riding, and I could often get a ride on a jackass; but a horse — that was the height of my ambition! On the occasion of taking our gleaned wheat to the mill, Mr. Laker was applied to, a day or two before, for the loan of his white horse ; and, till the longed-for morning, I would think all day, and dream all night, of riding in every possi- ble posture, on a white horse. What a horse that was! Blind, lame, raw-boned; always hanging his head, as if ashamed of himself; but still, to me, a
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 43
very Bucephalus! How exalted a position, seated on the bag thrown across his back, with the reins of rope in my hands, and a stout stick; mother and Mary standing admiringly at the door to see me off! How I would make circuits round the village to show myself on horseback! Then off to the mill — deliver the grain — and display my horsemanship; which I generally did so effectually, that I could hardly walk for a day or two; for he was a mighty hard trotter, with a backbone like a case-knife. But I endured my martyrdom with a calm smile of exultation. Then Fair Day came every year on the 23d of July ; and for that, all our spare farthings were carefully hoarded, until I remember one fine day we counted eight pence between us — my sister and I.
These fairs are of very ancient date; sometimes called feasts, or shows, held at certain seasons of the year. In ancient times, fairs may have had their uses; but they have degenerated sadly. How can I describe a village fair? — the main street lined with booths, filled with toys, ribbons, crockery, and gilded ginger- bread. Then, on the village green — (and this green was right before our house) — are larger booths, with flaring painted canvas, announcing to the gaping crowd that a mermaid and a giant are to be seen within. On another, we read that the pig-faced lady and the spotted boy have just arrived from Bottle- Nose Bay, in the West Indies. Then the calf with two heads; and the "ambiguous" cow, that can't live on the land and dies in the water, — all to be seen for the small charge of one penny ! " Here is a Panny- rammer of the procession of the Monarch of Injy on his helephant;" there are cheap Jacks bawling their
44 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
wares. " Here's such a saw as you never saw saw, in all the days you ever saw; there's a whip as is a whip : there never was but two of 'em made, and the man died, and took the patent with him. Yy, this whip will make my 'orse go ;■ — and you know vot he is." All sorts of shows, swings, merry-go-rounds, skit- tles, greasy-pole climbing, running in sacks, donkey races, — the slowest donkey to win, and no man al- lowed to ride his own donkey. Conjurors' booths. Continued cries of " Yalk up ! valk up ! — Just a-going to begin." Pantomimes — Clowns, Harlequins, Panta- loons, and Columbines. Music resounds on every side. "Music hath charms," etc. Drums, fifes, penny whis- tles, cat-calls, hurdy-gurdys, bagpipes, horns, gongs — all playing together — make such music as is only heard at a country fair, — the dread of anxious moth- ers, and the paradise of children.
On the 5th of November came Guy Fawkes' day. When I was a boy, it was kept with the greatest en- thusiasm by all the boys. In our village there would be five or six Guys. Some dozen boys would agree together to have a Guy, and would select one of the number and dress him for the occasion in a large smock-frock, stuffed out with straw; a shocking bad hat, or — better — an old soldier's cap ; a short pipe in his mouth, a mask on his face, a sword in one hand, and a dark lantern and matches in the other."^ Thus thoroughly disguised, they would seat him on a don- key, led by two of the number ; two preceding, the rest following, two by two ; stopping at every house, — when the followers would form a circle round the
* From this, originated the expression, " What a Guy " — when any one ap- peared particularly ridiculous.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF 'jOHJ^T B. GOUGH. 45
Guy, and recite what they called the lurry. When I was interested in Guys, this was the lurry : —
"Remember, remember the fifth of November, Gunpowder treason and plot; I know no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
"Old Guy and his companions Did the plot contrive To blow the King's Parliament House All up alive.
"Thirty-six barrels of gunpowder Laid down below, To blow all England's overthrow. Happy was the man, and happy was the day, Catcht old Guy Fawkes going to his prey ; Dark lantern and matches in his hand, All ready to set prime. Stand off! stand off! you du-ty dog, Your hands and face as black as soot, Like unto a cloven foot. Holler, boys — holler, boys —
Make your voices ring ; Holler, boys — holler, boys —
God save the King !
l^^Hooray" by the company.
"Madam, madam, there you stand. In your pocket put your hand. There you'll find a little chink For the Pope and I to drink. A penny loaf to stuff him out, A pint of beer to make him drunk, And a good faggot to burn him.
\^'-Hooray" hy the company.
" Hark, devil — hark ! What's to be done? Hang him on a long pole, And there let him burn ! "
l^^'Final hooray'* hy the company.
46 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF J0H:N" B. GOUGH.
The money obtained was spent on fire-works, and material for a bonfire in the evening.
These things have all, or nearly all, passed away, and we cannot regret their departure; though in childhood they were the events of the year, — always looked forward to with interest, and prepared for with enthusiasm.
I am fifty-two years of age; but, as I call these scenes to mind, I seem to grow young again. How busy we were, days and even weeks before May-Day, preparing for the festival of flowers 1 How proud we boys were, to carry the garland! May-Day, Guy Fawkes' Day, Fair Day, Good-Friday — with the hot cross-buns — Easter, Whitsuntide, and Merry Christ- mas,— are sunny spots in my memory. And yet, early in life I knew something of its battles, as well as its holidays, and tasted much of the bitter, as well as the sweet. One long look at these days, before I turn to the hard work without a holiday; one loving, lingering thought of my childhood, ere I pass on to tell of the stern, hard realities of life, as I found it for many a weary year. Perhaps I have lingered too long in the path of childhood, where a few flowers bloomed by the way-side; where, light of heart, I sometimes wove them into garlands. The garlands are withered, the flowers are faded, — but the recol- lections of forty years ago remain.
CHAPTEK III.
Departure for America — Leaving the Village — Separation from my Mother — London — On Board Ship — Anchored off Sandgate — Visits from Friends — My Father, Mother, and Sister — The Voyage — Sandy Hook — New York — Journey, to the Farm — Extracts from Letters.
A VERY important change in my fortunes now occurred. I was twelve years of age, and my father, being unable to furnish the premium necessary to my learning a trade, and having no prospect for me other than to be a gentleman's servant, made an agreement with a family of our village, who were about emigrating to America, that they, in considera- tion of the sum of ten guineas paid by him, should take me with them, teach me a trade, and provide for me until I was twenty -one years of age. After much hesitation, my mother, from a sense of duty, yielded to this arrangement. I, boylike, felt in high glee at the prospect before me. My little arrange- ments having been completed, on the 4th of June, 1829, 1 took — as I then supposed — a last view of my native village. The evening I was about to depart, a neighbor invited me to take tea at her house, which I did. My mother remarked to me afterwards: "I wish you had taken tea with your mother, John;" and this little circumstance was a source of much pain to me in after years.
The parting from my beloved parents was bitter.
"48 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHIST B. GOUGH.
My poor mother folded me to her bosom; then she would hold me off at arm's length, and gaze fondly on my face, through her tearful eyes, reading — as only a mother could — the book of futurity for me. She hung up, on the accustomed peg, my old cap and jacket, and my school bag, and there they remained until — years after — she quitted the house. At length the parting words were spoken, and I left the home of my childhood — perhaps, forever.
A touching scene it was, as I went through the village, towards the coach office, that evening. As I passed through the streets, many a kind hand waved a farewell, and not a few familiar voices sounded out a hearty "God bless you!" There was one old dame, of whom I had frequently bought sweetmeets, at her green grocery, and who was familiarly called Granny Hogben; — she called me into her shop, and loaded me with good wishes, bull's-eyes, cakes, and candies, although — poor affectionate soul ! — she could ill afford it. The inn was reached, and, in company with an- other lad — who was going out with our family to meet a relative — I mounted the roof of the London night coach, and was quitting the village, when, on turning round to take a last look of it, I saw a crouching woman's figure by a low wall, near the bathing machines. My heart told me at once that it was my mother, — who had taken advantage of half an hour's delay at the inn door, and walked on some distance, to have one more glance at her departing child. I had never, till then, felt that I was loved so much.
My mother took our separation very keenly to heart. My sister has told me that she would sit, as
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 51
if in deep thought, looking out in the distance, as though she saw something far away ; and sometimes my sister would see her at night, standing by the win- dow, looking out at the sea for hours. When spoken to on these occasions, she would start and sigh, and creep quietly to her bed.
When we arrived at Ashford, we were placed inside the vehicle. Amongst many things which impressed me on my journey, was the circumstance of a poor, shivering woman, begging alms at the coach door at midnight, for whom I felt keenly. At Footscray I was again placed outside the coach. On arriving near the metropolis, objects of interest increased every mo- ment ; and, when fairly in the great city, of* which I had heard so much, I was almost bewildered with the crowds, ai\d the multiplicity of attractive objects. A fight between two bellicose individuals, was almost my first town entertainment.
Whilst I remained in London I saw some of the great gratuitous attractions, — such as St. Paul's, the Tower, the Koyal Exchange, the Mansion-House, and the Monument — to the summit of which I ascended, and surveyed from thence the mighty mass of brick, and smoke, and shipping ! On the 10th of June, eve- rything being arranged, we sailed from th'e Thames in the ship Helen. Passing Dover, we arrived ofl' Sand- gate, when it fell a dead calm, and the ship's anchors were dropped. I afforded some amusement to those around me, by the eagerness with which I seized a telescope, and the positiveness with which I averred that I saw my old home. During that day, boat after boat came ofi" to us from the shore; and friends of the family I was with, paid them visits; — but / was
k
52 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
unnoticed; my relatives did not come. After long and weary watching, I saw a man standing up in a boat, with a white band round his hat. "That's he! — that's my father!" — I shouted. He soon got on deck, and almost smothered me with his kisses — from which I somewhat shrank, as his beard made very de- cided impressions on my smooth skin. I heard that my mother and sister had gone to a place of worship, at some distance from Sandgate ; which I regretted much. When evening came on, our visitors from the shore repaired to their boats, which — when a few yards from the ship — formed in a half circle. Our friends stood up in them, and o'er the calm waters floated our blended voices, as we sung : —
Blest be the dear, uniting love,
Which will not let us part ^
Our bodies may far hence remove— We still are one in heart.
Boat after boat then vanished in the gloomy distance, and I went to my bed. About midnight I heard my name called, and, going on deck, I 'there found my beloved mother and sister, who — hearing on their re- turn, that I was in the offing — had paid half a guinea (money hardly earned, and with difficulty procured, yet cheerfully expended,) to a boatman, to row them to the ship. They spent an hour with me (and 0, how short it seemed!) — then departed, with many tears. Having strained my eyes till their boat was no longer discernible, I went back to my bed, to sob away the rest of the morning.
I felt this to be my first real sorrow. Grief, how- ever, will wear itself out; and, having slept somewhat, when I awoke in the morning — a breeze having
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 53
sprung up — we were far out at sea. I never expe- rienced any sea-sickness ; and, had my expectations respecting the family I was with, been realized, I should have been comparatively happy. Occasionally, on looking over ray small stock of worldly goods, I would find little billets, or papers, containing texts of scripture, pinned to the different articles. In my Bible, texts of scripture were marked for me to com- mit to memory. Among them, I remember, were the second, third, fourth, and fifth chapters of Proverbs. As we voyaged on, I soon began to feel a difference in my new situation ; and often did I bitterly contrast the treatment I received, with that to which I had been accustomed at home. I wished myself back again; but the die was cast, and so I put up with disagreeables as well as I could. I insert here an ex- tract from a letter of mine, written while on board ship : — " George and I are the only ones who have tumbled down the hatchway. George has fallen down twice. Once he hurt his side a* little, and then he hurt his nose very much. I fell down with a ket- tle of hot water; but I held up the kettle, and though I was pretty well bumped, I was not scalded. I wish mother could wash me to-night. Oh ! when I think what a fuss I made when she combed my hair, I am much ashamed of myself, and only wish she could do it now ; for it is harder to do it myself than it was for her to do it."
On the morning of the 3d of August — fifty-four days from the time of sailing — we arrived off Sandy Hook; and 0, how I longed, as we sailed up the Nar- rows, to be on deck, and survey the scenery of the New World ! I was not permitted to do this ; for,
54 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
whilst I could hear the shouts of delighted surprise which burst from the lips of the passengers who crowded the vessel's sides, I was confined below, occu- pied in blacking the boots and shoes of the family, in order that they might be landed "sound, and in good order." We made the land at three o'clock in the morning, and were moored at the wharf in New York at three o'clock in the afternoon — rather an unusual thing, as ships are generally detained some time at Staten Island. I had become so tired of biscuit, that I most ardently longed for some "soft Tommy," and was already munching it in imagination, when my guardians went on shore, leaving me behind. I had anticipated purchasing some dainties immediately; for, having received a little money for a cabbage-net which I had made on board, I possessed the requisite funds. My capital was, however, not so large as it might have been, for I had — like other capitalists — negotiated a loan with the black cook, to whom I advanced an English crown. The principal and in- terest remain to this day unpaid ; — not an uncommon occurrence, I have been told since, in regard to for- eign loans, •f I was left on board all night, as my friends did not return ; and, during their absence, I sought for amusement in gazing from the vessel on the crowded w^harfs. I well remember my surprise at seeing a boy, about my own age, insert a plug of tobacco in his mouth; but I soon became accustomed to such things as these ; and many, too, of a far stranger na- ture. We stayed about two months in New York City. Nothing occurred, of any importance. I strolled some- what about the streets, when I had an opportunity,
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 55
till we started for the farm in Oneida County, to en- ter upon another phase of my changed life. I was greatly delighted with the scenery on the Hudson River, which far surpassed any I had before beheld. I had not been a great traveler; had never been twenty miles from home — with the exception of my mem- orable ride to Maidstone and back — and this will be some excuse for my enthusiastic descriptions in the letters I wrote home.
I deem it advisable here to insert some short pas- sages from letters received from home, with extracts from my own letters, written during the first two years of my new experience. I wish to convey some idea of my dear mother's character, as shown in her letters to her boy, and give my early impressions of the New World, and the new life on which I had en- tered.
Extract from mother's letter, dated March 22, 1830: —
Your father wishes me to say to you now, that it is his particular wish that you should not bind yourself by any further agreement to your master, or any one else, till you have consulted him on the subject by letter, and received his answer; but it is our earnest wish to you, my dear boy, that you would always behave to your master and mistress with the greatest fidelity, diligence, and respect. Study his comfort, and endeavor to promote his interest by every means in your power. It is your duty and interest to do so, and no ties bind so closely as those of affection and gratitude.
I wish, my dear, when you write again, you would let me know if you have committed to memory any of the chapters I mentioned to you in the letter I put among your clothes. You will find them of great use to you; more especially, if you are employed at work in the fields, where, perhaps, you will be much alone. Then you will find it a pleas- ant and profitable employment for your thoughts, to be able to repeat to yourself portions of the Word of God. I speak from experience, my dear. I have often passed pleasantly many an hour of hard work,
56 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
by repeating to myself passages of Scripture committed to memory; and I can now remember those best that I learned before I was your age.
We long to know, my dear, how you got through the severe winter. It was very severe here; but I suppose you will find the summer as hot as you have felt the winter cold. We shall be happy to hear from you as often as you can make it convenient to write to us.
My dearest boy, I must bid you farewell. May the Lord bless and keep you in all your ways ! — is the earnest prayer of your affectionate mother. Jane Gough.
From a letter dated April 2, 1831 : —
I hope, my dear, you are well in health and spirits. I do assure you, we all of us remember you with unabating affection ; and the ninth of every month brings forcibly to my mind the time when I parted from you; and I hope, if it be the Lord's will, that we shall meet again in this world, if our lives be spared. You have been gone now nearly two years, and the time will wear away.
Your father was pleased that you had taken pains to write your last letter so well. He wishes you to practice your writing whenever you have an opportunity; and also your ciphering; as it may be of great use to you in your future life.
I hope, my dear boy, you are earnestly seeking after the one thing needful. You know, the Lord has said — " they that seek shall find." It is, my dear boy, the most earnest wish of both of your parents, that you may in early life be devoted to the Lord ; that you may be his ser- vant— serve him — and so, my dear boy, keep close to your Bible. Whenever you have an opportunity to read it, prefer it above all other books; and may the Lord enable you so to read and understand it, that you may be made wise unto eternal salvation.
And I hope you will not neglect private prayer. '* Ask, and you shall receive," — ^is a most gracious promise ; and he that has spoken it, will perform it. May the Lord guide and keep you in all His ways, and bring you at last to His heavenly kingdom ! Adieu ! my dear boy. May "the Lord bless, keep, and preserve you, and keep you in all His ways ! — is the prayer of your ever affectionate mother.
Jane Gough.
Extract from a letter written by me a few weeks after my arrival in this country : —
On the 17th of July, as I was looking for Doddridge's Rise and
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 57
Progress, I found that dear letter which my beloved mother put into one of my shirts. I could not read it for a long time, and not till I bad shed a great many tears ; but T shall keep it as a particular treas- ure, as there are a great many things which will be of great service to me now, as well as in the future. Oh ! as I lay tossed about on the wide ocean, I thought of my poor dear mother, and how badly I had behaved to her, as also of my dear father; and thought, if I was at home, how cheerfully I would go to work for him, and not grumble, and go with such unwilling steps as I have done. But I hope, my beloved parents, you will forgive all that is past.
Dear parents, on Sunday, the 2d of August, we were looking out for the lights at Sandy Hook, — with that sort of anxiety which my dear father well knows, — after we had been fifty-three days at sea ; but we did not see land till the 3d, about sunrise. We drew nearer and nearer, with a fine fair wind, which brought us to Sandy Hook about twelve o'clock, where the pilot came on board. At about one o'clock p. M. we arrived at Staten Island, where the doctor came on deck and. examined us; also the printer, to take an account of our voyage. About three o'clock p. m. we arrived at New York, etc.
A letter I wrote, dated Sandgate Farm, Westmore- land, December 26, 1829 :—
Bear and Honored Parents, — Having an opportunity af writing to you, T shall endeavor to improve it, by first describing to you our jour- ney from New York to this place, which is a very comfortable farm, about twelve miles from Utica.
On the 30th of August we left New York for Albany, when we went down to the steamboat, and at five o'clock in the afternoon on Saturday, set ofi", and had such a grand sight all the way up the Hud- son River, as I cannot describe to you. It is past description. We saw large hills of solid rock, with pine and fir trees growing from be- tween the crevices. On the next day we came to the Catskill and Alleghany Mountains, which surpassed all we had seen before; but yet we had something more grand to witness. About six o'clock we arrived at Albany, a large and pretty city. On Monday we got our luggage out of the steamboat into a canal-boat, in which we staid at Albany till four o'clock, and then started for Utica. We sat very comfortable on deck till sunset. By the bye, we came through the locks, which — ^I suppose you know — raised us a great many feet. We
58 - AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
then went do'^n to bed. All slept very comfortably, except Sarah, who was disturbed by the noise of the waters rushing into the locks — for we passed a great many between Albany and Schenectady. The first thing that struck our attention in the morning was the Mohawk River, running by our side. It is a broad and shallow river. About eleven o'clock we crossed the Mohawk, over an aqueduct, and went on shore to get some apples. — (In this country people may go into an orchard and get as many apples as they can eat.)
Nothing material occurred till the next day. When we had arrived at Little Falls, the sight was grander than anythiDg we had seen before. The village is built on a solid rock. It is of no use for me to describe it to you, for it is too truly out of my power. I do believe that Eng- land cannot boast such a sight — much as I love my native country. You can have no idea of the romantic scenery all around, unless you were here to see it yourself. We arrived at Utica at midnight; but did not go on shore till Thursday. We took lodgings at a person's house, the name of Brown, on Blocker street, at $7 per month; but we left it after we had been there three weeks, and came to the farm which master had bought. Our wagon came and fetched us to this place. The farm is very comfortable, consisting of one hundred and four acres of clear land, and fifty acres of woodland, with a fine or- chard and garden, a very comfortable dwelling house, where we lived, and a nice log house. There is also a wood-house, a wagon and sleigh lodge, three hog-pens, a granary, stable, two barns, two cow lodges, smoke house, and a good pump. The stock consists of three cows — ^blit master talks of having eighteen or twenty in the summer ; two horses, three fatting hogs, seven pigs, fifty sheep, a bull, and a calf. I like driving our team about. A team in this country is two horses. Our wagon is not half so heavy as the English are. The horses are put in as you put them in a pair horse coach. I like driving about in this way very well. .1 have been to Clinton four times since I have been here, a distance of about three miles from our farm ; and to Manchester, about three miles. I rode on horseback to Manchester twice, and to Clinton once; but I have been to Clinton three times with our wagon.
I do indeed, dear parents, think of home with a heavy heart very often, but I do try to keep up my spirits. I do sincerely hope we shall meet again in this world ; but if it be not the Lord's holy will, I hope we shall meet in Heaven, where parting shall be no more. I am sorry
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 59
to inform you that I cannot comply with your desire, as there is no Sun- day-school near us, nor any Methodist place of worship nearer than Vernon Centre, about two miles, except once a mouth there is preach- ing at the next house. But there are Baptist and Presbyterian churches nearer; but we generally attend Yernon Centre. We are very sorry to hear you have had a bad summer. We have very sudden changes in the weather ; yesterday we worked stripped to our shirts, though it was December, and to-day we have had a heavy snow. We have been driving our oxen, fetching wood, as master bought a yoke of oxen the other day ; I am going to learn to drive them. It is " haw and gee '* here, instead of " woo and gee," as it is in the Old Country. Tell Mrs. Beattie I shall never forget her kindness to me, in sending the ginger- bread and milk. I hope neither she, nor Mr. Beattie, nor the children may ever want any good thing on earth, and that they may all arrive safe at last in glory.
Dear mother, I am not able to give Mrs. Brown a full description of America, but I will endeavor to give her, and you, my dear parents, a few particulars. First, there is plenty of work for people to do; and if they will but work, they may get a very comfortable living. Second, there is plenty of wood for winter; $2 per cord for four-foot wood, and 8s. per cord for two-foot wood. This money is just half your money. Master says he wishes some of the wood that is lying about, was be- hind your house. There is enough wood lying about the farm to sup- ply hundreds of families; stumps and trees lying round about the woods, which they do not care to burn, as they take good timber to burn. They never think of grubbing up the stumps when the trees have been cut down, but they let them stand and rot. Third, provis- ions are very cheap. Bread is Is. per gallon, 6d. your money; beef, frooa IJd. to 2d. per pound; pork, l^d. per pound. They throw away the hog's inwards, and you can buy hog's feet, poles, and cars by the bushel. Cows are very cheap. You can get a good cow for SI 2 in the spring, and from $12 to $16 in the fall; a good fowl or pullett, 4d. to 6d. ; geese and turkeys, Is., your money. I find I must conclude, entreating you to give my love to Mr. and Mrs. Valyer and family, and all inquiring friends. Also, accept, beloved parents, my every good wish and my sincere love. I expected to have seen a longer letter, and a few lines from my dear father. I long to see his handwriting again. I am, dear parents, your ever affectionate son,
J. B. GouGH.
60 AUTOBIOGKAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
Extract from another letter : —
I have enjoyed pretty good health and spirits since I have been here. I have learned a great many things. I can hold the plough, and thrash, and plant and hoe corn, plant potatoes, make cider, and do a great many things that I knew nothing of before. I was at the harrow with the oxen, when I heard there were some letters for me, and soon after, 'Elizabeth brought a packet to me in the field. But I could not work any more all day for joy. I like the Yankees pretty well. They are open, free, and generous. They very much use the word "guess." Thus, if they meant "I shall go to chapel," they would say, **I guess I shall go to chapel."
Yesterday I went to a camp-meeting, which is held once a year, by different societies of Methodists. It is generally held in some of the woods. When we arrived at the entrance of the woods, where this meeting was held, we heard a confused noise ; but the first thing that struck our attention was a great number of tents or booths, such as are used at fairs. The next, was the voice of prayer in every direction. About fifteen engaged in prayer to God at the same time, at different prayer-rings, which consisted of about fourteen or fifteen men and wo- men met together, and a log to separate the males from the females. After we had been there about an hour and a half, the trumpet sounded for preaching in the camp. The- average number was from five to seven thousand.
After preaching, the prayer-meetings were held for the space of two hours in the tents. In the course of the forenoon, I went to see the Indians' camp, where I saw the red brethren praying and calling upon God. I also saw them fall to the ground, and lie for the space of an hour or more, seemingly lifeless. Again, after dinner, the trumpet sounded for preaching; and again they were all collected together before the preaching stand to hear preaching. The rule of the meeting is, that when the trumpet sounds m the morning at sunrise, it is for them to get up; when it sounds from the stand, it is for family prayer; when it sounds from the stand again, it is for preaching. The males and females are separated at preaching, the men on one side, and the women on the other. The meeting lasts 'about five days, and at the close of this meeting there were forty-five awakened.
CHAPTER IV.
Farm Life — Eeligious Impressions — Return to New York — My First Situation and Lodgings — Friends — Extracts from Letters — Change of Employment — Arrival of my Mother and Sister — Housekeep- ing— Lack of Work — A Hard Winter — My Mother's Sickness — Spring — Better Times.
"We went to a farm in Oneida County, where I re- mained two years, during which period I was never sent to either a Sabbath or day school. I felt this much, as I had an ardent desire to acquire knowl- edge, and, tiring of so unprofitable a life, and perceiv- ing also, that no chance existed of my being taught a trade, I sold a knife for the purpose of paying the postage of a letter to my father, in which I asked his permission to go to New York, and learn a trade. I sent off this letter clandestinely, because, hitherto, all my letters home had been perused by my guar- dians before they were dispatched, and I did not wish their interference in this matter. In due time I re- ceived a reply to my letter. My father said that I was old enough now to judge for myself I might act according to the dictates of my own judgment. Glad enough was I to have my fate in my own hands, as it were, and on the 12th of December, 1831, I quitted Oneida County for New York City. . It may easily be imagined, that I left my situation with but very little regret, for, although by some of the mem- bers of the family I was treated with consideration
62 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOniST B. GOUGH.
and kindness, yet from those to whom I naturally looked for comfort and solace, I experienced treat- ment far different from that which my father antici- pated, when he intrusted me to their guardianship. Here, I beg to make a remark, which is rendered nec- essary from the fact of it having been stated that I have represented the family as dissipated and drunken. Such a report never was made by me at any time, or in' any place ; nor did there exist foundation for such a rumor. Whisky and cider were used by the fam- ' ily, but not to excess. In pure self-defense, I make this statement. I should not have referred to this subject, had not a meddlesome fellow in New York City busied himself about my affairs, impeached my veracity, and imputed to me motives which I never entertained.
Whilst with the family referred to, a revival of religion occurred in our neighborhood. My mind was much impressed, and I w^as admitted a member, on probation, of the Methodist Episcopal Church.
On my arrival in New York, I had half a dollar only in my pocket; and all the goods I possessed in the world were contained in a little trunk, which I carried. I stood at the foot of Cortlandt Street, after I left the boat. Hundreds of people went by, on busy feet, heedless of me, and I felt desolate indeed. But, amidst all my lonely sorrow, the religious im- pressions I have just referred to, — and more especially those which I had derived from the instructions of my beloved mother, — afforded some rays of consolation, which glimmered through the gloom. Whilst I was standing, pondering whither I should bend my steps, a man came up to me, and asked where he should
AUTOBIOGKAPHT OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 63.
carry my trunk. Then^ indeed^ the strong sense of my forlornness came to me, and I scarcely ever re- member to have experienced more bitterness of spirit than on that occasion. Fancy me, readei; ! a boy, but fourteen years of age, a stranger, in a strange city; with no one to guide him, none to advise, and not a single soul to love, or to be loved by. There I was, three thousand miles distant from home and friends; a "waif on life's wave," solitary in the midst of thou- sands, and with a heart yearning for kindly sympathy, but finding none. Whilst musing on my fortunes, all at once the following passage entered my mind, and afforded me consolation : " Trust in the Lord, and do good ; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed." Shouldering my trunk, I entered the city ; and having left my load in charge of a person, I repaired to the Brown Jug, a public house in Pearl Street; in which place I remained until the Monday morning following, when I was' recommended to apply to the venerable Mr. Dando, who was then the agent of the Christian Advocate and Journal. To this gen- tleman I told my story ; after hearing which, he went with me to the Methodist Book Concern (then situ- ated in Crosby Street), where, after some conversa- tion, I was engaged to attend on the next Wednesday, as errand boy, and to learn the book-binding business; and, for my services, to receive two dollars and twenty- five cents per week, and to board myself Mr. Dando recommended me as a boarder to a Mrs. M., in Wil- liam Street, at the rate of two dollars weekly; and low as were the terms, the reader will presently agree with me in thinking that it was far too much for the accommodation I received. To my surprise, I found
64 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
when the hour of rest approached, that I was to share a bed with an Irishman, who was lying very sick of fever and ague. The poor fellow told me his little history; I ^experienced the truth of the saying, that "poverty makes us acquainted with strange bed-fel- lows." He had emigrated to America, been attacked vrith the disease I have mentioned, and now was out of money, but daily in the expectation of receiving some from his friends. My companion shivered so much, and w^as so restless during the night, that I was wretchedly disturbed; and next day, I told my landlady that I could not possibly sleep in the same bed with the Irishman again. Accordingly, the next night, she made me up a wretched couch, in the same room, under the rafters. It was hard enough, and what is called a cat's-tail bed ; and so miserably sit- uated was it, that when I stretched my hand out, to pull up the scanty supply of bed-clothes, my fingers would encounter the half glutinous webs of spiders, — a species of insect, to which I have had from childhood (and still have), an unaccountable, but deep-rooted an- tipathy. Weary as I was, from want of sleep on the preceding night, I soon fell asleep in my uneasy bed; but in the dead of the night, frightful groans uttered by my sick companion woke me. I started and found, to my surprise, that the man was up. I was dread- fully frightened, more especially as he informed me that he feared he was going to die. I asked him to let me call assistance; but he positively forbade it, and then went and sat on the side of the bed. And never had I heard such agonizing exclamations, as broke from the lips of that dying man, as he called with terrible earnestness, on Christ to save him, and
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 65
on God to be merciful to him. He seemed anxious to know the hour. I told him I thought it was near morning, as the cock had crowed. After some more moaning noises, he suddenly fell back on the bed. I heard a rattling, gurgling sound ; and then all was si- lent. I felt the man was dead, although I could not see him, and knew that I was alone with Death, for the first time. 0 ! how slowly dragged on the hours until dawn; and, when the faint light struggled through a little window in the roof, and gradually brought out the walls and furniture from the gloom, there lay the dead man on his back, his mouth wide open, and his eyes glazed, but staring only as dead eyes can. With a desperate effort, I started from my bed, gathered my clothes in a bundle, dressed myself outside the room door, and roused the woman of the house. She received the intelligence with about as much composure as if Death had paid her house an expected and customary visit, and only remarked, "Well, dear soul! he was very patient, and is gone to glory." After the poor man's death, his expected funds arrived ; but, alas ! too late. This was my first experience in a cheap boarding-house in New York ; but not the last, by any means. For lack of comfort, for want of all that makes life enjoyable, a cheap boarding-house in New York — and I presume else- where— stands pre-eminent. I soon afterwards went to my work, and my business was to pack up bundles of books for Cincinnati. As I was working, I fell into a train of thought respecting my desolate situation; and, as I mused, the scalding tears fell in large drops on the -paper I was using. Into the very depths of my sorrow a kind heart looked ; for, whilst I was
66 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHIS" B. GOUGH.
weeping, a young lady came to me, and asked me what was the matter ? Her tone of kindness and look of sympathy, won my confidence, and I informed her of the particulars of my little history. When I had finished my tale, she said, "Poor distressed child! you shall go home with me to-night." I did so ; and, when I arrived at her house, I saw her mother, who was en- gaged in frying cakes on the stove. The young girl took her mother aside, into an inner room, and pres- ently, the latter came out, and said to me, "Poor boy! I will be a mother to you." These words fell like re- freshing dew on my young heart ; and mother and sister, indeed, did the benevolent Mrs. Egbert and her daughter prove to me. Soon after this, I joined the church in Allen Street ; and, after remaining with the Egberts some months, I removed and boarded with my class-leader, Mr. Anson Willis, and afterwards, with a Mrs. Ketchum. Some gentlemen connected with the Methodist Church, made propositions for my education. I give the extract from a letter I wrote home on the occasion, dated February 18, 1832: —
The people of God have taken notice of me. The minister of Allen Street Church sent for me, and told me, that since the ministers and leaders had heard me speak in a love-feast, they thought the Lord had blessed me with abilities for some purpose, therefore they had it under considera;tion, to give me a good and liberal education. He asked to see my writing, and told me I wrote very well. Soon after, at a lead- ers' meeting, it was proposed to send me, for a year, to Wilbraham, in Massachusetts, and th^n three years to Middletown College, in Connec- ticut, to educate, if the Lord should call me, to be a minister. If not, they would provide me with a profitable situation. All my friends think it a grand offer, and will be productive of great good to me, and prepare me for a life of usefulness in the world. So you see the Lord has not brought me so far for no purpose. I think you can have no objection, as I believe it is the hand of the Lord. Write to me, etc.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN" B. GOUGH. 67
I received a reply to this, dated April, 1832, in which, after expressing her gratitude to those who had shown me kindness, my dear mother writes : —
My dear child, you have nothing but what you have received as a free gift from the Almighty. Every talent you possess is His, given you to be employed for His glory, and your own everlasting good, and of which He will require an account in that day, when the sons of Adam shall stand before Him. Oh ! that you may be prepared to give it with joy, and hear the welcome, "Well done, good and faithful servant," — and your mother's heart can wish for no more. Excuse, my dear boy, these cautions; I have never witnessed anything in your conduct, or noticed anything in your letters, that has caused me to fear for you ; but I know you have an arch enemy to contend with, who, if he cannot destroy, will distress, and endeavor to hinder your comfort and useful- ness ; and you will find you have need in every step of your Christian pilgrimage, to say, "Lord, hold thou me up, and I shall be safe;" and if you trust Him, watching with prayer, you will ever find, "As your day is, so shall your strength be; for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it."
My father also wrote me, very affectionately, with good advice in reference to the prospects held out before me, and giving his consent; but before these letters reached me, circumstances — or rather, a combi- nation of circumstances — led to the project being abandoned ; to my withdrawing from the church ; and, shortly after that, to leaving the Book Concern in Mulberry Street, and finding employment elsewhere, so that my hope of obtaining an education fell to the ground, and from that time, I gave up all expecta- tion of ever attaining to it. I obtained employment with N. J. White (I think at the corner of William and Pearl Streets), and, as my prospects were improving, I sent for my father, mother, and sister to join me in this country ; though I must say, that being exposed to temptation, I had become careless and thoughtless
68 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
about religious things. On Saturday afternoon, in August, 1833, this note was brought to me: —
Thursday. My Dear Boy, — Your sister and I are on board the President packet. Come on board as soon as she comes into dock. We are well. Your aflfectionate mother, Jane Gough.
I immediately left my work, intending to go to them, and was on my way down Fulton Street, when the sole of my shoe got loose, and I stepped into the bindery of Burlock & Wilbur (where I had directed my relatives to call on their arrival) to get a knife to cut it off, when I learned that my mother had called at the store, a short time before, and had left to go to William Street. I turned into that thoroughfare, and saw a little woman, rapidly walking, whom I recog- nized as her of whom I was in search. She looked every now and then, at a slip of paper, which she held in her hand, and frequently glanced from it to the fronts of the houses, as if to ascertain some par- ticular number. Much as I desired to speak to her, I thought I would try whether she would recognize me or not; so I went behind her, passed on a little way, then turned and met her; but she did not ob- serve who I was. I again went behind her, and ex- claimed, "Mother!" At the well-known sound, she turned, and in an instant she had clasped me in her arms, and embraced me in a very maternal manner — heedless of the staring passers-by, who were very little used to having such public displays of affection provided for their amusement. I returned with my mother to the barge, in order to get her luggage ; and, when there, was surprised by a great girl jump- ing into my arms, who was so altered from the time I
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHIS^ B. GOUGH. 69
saw her last, that I had some difficulty in recognizing nay sister. My father did not accompany his wife and daughter, for he was loth to lose his hard-earned pension, and was in hopes to effect a commutation with the government, and receive a certain sum, in lieu of an annual payment.
At that time I was in the receipt of three dollars a week, wherewith to support myself; and, with the few articles my mother brought over, we went to housekeeping. 0 ! how happy did I feel that even- ing, when my mother first made tea in our own home. Our three cups and saucers made quite a grand show, and, in imagination, we were rich in viands, although our meal was frugal enough.
Thus we lived comfortably together, nothing of note occurring, until the November following; when, owing to a want of business, and the general pressure of the times, I was dismissed from my place of work. This was a severe blow to us all, and its force was in- creased, by my sister, who was a straw-bonnet maker, also losing her employment. Our rent was a dollar and a quarter per week; but, finding it necessary to retrench in our expenditure, we gave up our two rooms, and made one answer our purpose; dividing it into compartments at night, by hanging up a tem- porary curtain. Our rent was now reduced to fifty cents a week, and all our goods and chattels were contained in the garret, which we continued to occupy until my mother's death.
Things, gradually grew worse and worse. "Winter, in all its terrors, was coming on us, who were ill pre- pared for it. To add to our troubles, wood, during that season, was very high in price; and, in addition
70 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
to want, we suffered dreadfully with cold. I obtained employment only at uncertain intervals, and for short periods, as errand boy in a bookstore, in Nassau Street, and in a bindery; but, even with this aid, we were sorely off, and painfully pinched. Thus was the whole of that dreary winter one continued scene of privation. Our sorrows were aggravated by my poor mother's sickness, and our apparel began to grow wretchedly scanty. I remember my mother once wishing for some broth, made from mutton. Not be- ing able to bear that she should want for anything she required, I took my best coat, and, having pawned it, procured her some meat, and thus supplied her wants, so far as practicable. Often and often have I, when we were destitute of wood, and had no money to procure any, gone a mile or two into the country, and dragged home such pieces as I might find lying about the sides of the road. Food, too, was some- times wanting; and once, seeing my mother in tears, I ascertained that we had no bread in the house. I could not bear the sight of such distress, and wan- dered down a street, sobbing as I went. A stranger accosted me, and asked me what was the matter?
"I'm hungry," said I; "and so is my mother." "Well," said the stranger, "I can't do much; but I'll help you a little;" and when I took the three-cent loaf of bread he had given me home, my mother placed the Bible on our old rickety pine table, and, having opened it, read a portion of Scripture, and then we knelt down, thanking God for his goodness, and ask- ing his blessing on what we were about to partake of All these sufferings and privations my poor mother bore with Christian resignation, and never
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 71
did she repine through all that dreary season. It was indeed a hard winter. Often have I gone through the streets asking for work.
"Please let me saw your wood?"
"Where are your buck and saw?''
"I have none."
"You can't saw wood without a saw."
"Please let me carry down your coal to the cellar?"
"Where are your shovel and basket?"
"I have none."
And so I lost many a job for the lack of implements and tools. Those who have never experienced hard- ships like these, cannot understand the bitterness of our lives all through that terrible winter. As the spring came on, both my sister and myself got em- ployment again, and our situation was bettered for a time. I now earned four dollars and a half a week, and was enabled to redeem my coat. A happy day was that, when putting it on, I went, with my sister, to a place of worship. I would here mention, that during all that hard winter, we received no charitable assistance from any source. Once, and only once, my mother spoke of some wood which was to be given to the poor at the City Hall; but I refused to allow her to apply for relief there; knowing well, that she would be subjected to the insulting questions of hard- hearted officials, who took advantage of their office, to insult the unfortunate children of penury. Pity it is, that kind actions cannot always be performed in a kindly spirit; but too often, such is not the case in this cold-hearted world. Glad to this day, am I, that I prevented her from being mortified by a contumely, which I cannot bear to think she should have borne.
CHAPTER V.
My Mother's Death — Burial— Separation of my Sister and Myself — Visit to the Farm — Return to New York — My Companions and Amusements — Growing Dissipation — Removal to Bristol — To Prov- idence— First Attempt on the Stage — Experience in Boston — Work in Newburyport — Fishing Voyage — Narrow Escape — Return Home — Storm at Sea — Jake's Terror — Arrival at Newburyport — Mar- riage— Housekeeping — Voyage to Bay of Fundy.
And now comes one of the most terrible events of my history. An event which ahnost bowed me to the dust. The summer of 1834 was exceedingly hot, and as our room was immediately under the roof, which had but one small window in it, the heat was almost intolerable, and my mother suffered much from this cause. On the 8th of July, a day more than usually warm, she complained of debility, but as she had before suffered from weakness, I was not appre- hensive of danger, and saying I would go and bathe, asked her to provide me some rice and milk, against seven or eight o'clock, when I should return. That day my spirits were unusually exuberant; I laughed and sung with my young companions, as if not a cloud was to be seen in all my sky, when one was then gathering which was shortly to burst in fatal thunder over my head. About eight o'clock I returned home, and was going up the steps, whistling as I went, when my sister met me at* the threshold, and seizing me by the hand, exclaimed, "John, mother's dead!" What
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 73
I did, what I said, I cannot remember; but they told me afterwards, that I grasped my sister's arm, laughed frantically in her face, and then for some minutes seemed stunned by the dreadful intelligence. As soon as they permitted me, I visited our garret, — now a chamber of death, — and there on the floor lay all that remained of her whom I had loved so well, and who had been a friend when all others had for- saken me. There she lay, her face tied up with a handkerchief : —
** By foreign hands her aged eyes were closed ; By foreign hands her decent limbs composed."
Oh ! how vividly came then to my mind, — as I took her cold hand in mine, and gazed earnestly in her quiet face, — all her meek, enduring love, her uncom- plaining spirit, her devotedness to her husband and children. All was now over ; and yet, as through the livelong night I sat at her side, — a solitary watcher by the dead, — I felt somewhat resigned to the dispensa- tion of providence, and was almost thankful that she was taken from the " evil to come." Sorrow and suf- fering had been her lot through life ; now she was freed from both ; an^, loving her as I did, I found con- solation in thinking that she was " not lost, but gone before."
I have intimated that I sat all night, watching my mother's cold remains. Such was literally the fact. I held her dead hand in mine, till it seemed almost to be growing warm, and none but myself and God can tell what a night of agony that was". The people of the house accommodated my sister below. When the morning dawned in my desolate chamber, I ten- derly placed the passive hand by my mother's side,
74 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
and wandered out, into the as yet, almost quiet streets. I turned my face towards the wharf, and, arrived there, sat down by the dock, gazing with melancholy thoughts upon the glancing waters. All that had passed seemed to me like a fearful dream, and with difficulty could I, at certain intervals, convince my- self that my mother's death was a fearful reality. An hour or two passed away in this dreamy, half-delirious state of mind, and then, I involuntarily proceeded slowly toward my wretched home. I had eaten nothing since the preceding afternoon ; but hunger seemed, like my other senses, to have become torpid. On my arrival at our lodgings, I found that a coroner's inquest had been held on my mother's corpse, and a note had been left by the official, which stated that it must be interred by noon of the following day. What was I to do ? I had no money, no friends, and, what was perhaps worse than all, none to sympathize with myself and my sister, but the people about us, who could afford the occasional exclamation, "Poor things !" Again I wandered into the streets, without any defi- nite object in view. I had a vague idea that my mother was dead, and must be buried, and little feel- ing beyond that. At times, I even forgot this sad re- ality. Weary and dispirited, I at last once more sought my lodgings, where my sister had been anxiously watching for me. I learned from her, that during my absence, some persons had brought a pine box to the house, into which they had placed my mother's body, and taken it off* in a cart, for interment. They had but just gone, she said. I told her that we must go and see mother buried ; and we hastened after the vehicle, which we soon overtook.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 75
There was no "pomp and circumstance" about that humble funeral ; but never went a mortal to the grave, who had been more truly loved, and was then more sincerely lamented, than the silent traveler towards Potter's Field, the place of her interment. Only two lacerated and bleeding hearts mourned for her. But, as the almost unnoticed procession passed through the streets, tears of more genuine sorrow were shed, than frequently fall when —
** Some proud child of earth returns to dust."
We soon reached the burying-ground. In the same cart with my mother, was another mortal whose spirit had put on immortality. A little child's coffin lay beside that of her who had been a sorrowful pil- grim for many years, and both now were about to lie side by side in the " narrow house." When the in- fant's coffin was taken from the cart, my sister burst into tears, and the driver, a rough-looking fellow, with a kindness of manner that touched us, remarked to her, " Poor little thing ; 'tis better off where 'tis." I undeceived him in his idea as to this supposed rela- tionship of the child, and informed him that it was not a child, but our mother, for whom we mourned. My mother's coffin was then taken out and placed in a trench, and a little dirt was thinly sprinkled over it.
So was she buried ! without a shroud ; her shoes on her feet. One of God's creatures — an affection- ate wife, a devoted mother, a faithful friend, and a poor Christian ; that's all ! So there was no burial service read ; into that trench she was thrown with- out a prayer ; and that was the end, after a long life
76 AUTOBIOGEAPHY OF JOHiq- B. GOUGH.
of faithful work for others — a life of patient struggle, fighting nobly, lovingly, and hopefully the battle of life. This was the end. No, no, thank God ! no, not the end. Her worn body rests in hope, and he who wept at the grave of Lazarus, watches the sleeping dust of his servant. Yes, life and immortality are brought to light through the gospel. My poor mother sleeps as sweetly as if entombed in a marble sar- cophagus; and, thank God, she will rise as gloriously when " He who became the first fruits of them that slept," shall call his humble disciple to come and "be forever with the Lord."
From that great Golgotha we went forth together, and, unheeded by the bustling crowd, proceeded sadly to our now desolate chamber, where we sat down and gazed vacantly around the deserted room. One by one, the old familiar objects attracted our notice. Among other articles, a little saucepan remained 'on the extinguished embers in the grate, with rice and milk burned to its bottom! This was what my mother was preparing for me, against my return from bathing; and the sight renewed my remembrances of her care, which it so happened was exercised for me in her latest moments. I afterwards was informed that she was found dead on the floor, by a young man who passed our room door, on the way to his own, and saw her lying there. She seemed to have been engagejd in splitting a piece of pine wood with a knife, and it is supposed that, whilst stooping over it and forcing down the knife, she was seized with apoplexy, and immediately expired.
Whilst we were sadly contemplating our situation and circumstances, and calling to mind many sayings
, AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 77
and doings of our dear mother, I began to think about our future course, and said to my sister: —
"Now, Mary, what shall we do?"
She remarked something, I forget what; and I, in turn, made an observation to the effect — as well as I can remember — that we could take all our furniture on our backs; when we, both of us, broke out into a violent fit of laughter, which lasted for several min- utes; and I never, either before or since, remember to have been more unable to control myself It was a strange thing to hear that hitherto silent cham- ber— in which for hours, we had scarcely spoken above a whisper — echoing such unaccustomed sounds. But so it was; and I am unable to explain why, unless it be on the principle of reaction. And yet it was not the laugh of joy; but more like the fearfully hysteri- cal mirth of saddened hearts, in which, for the time, all the feelings of youth had been imprisoned, but by one wild effort had broken forth, shouting with natu- ral but unbidden glee.
On that Wednesday night, I could not bear to re- main in the house ; so I sauntered out, and passed the long hours of darkness in the streets, — to lie down I felt was impossible, so great was my weight of woe. The next day I passed wearily enough, and at night 1 obtained a little sleep; but from the afternoon of my mother's death, not a morsel of food had passed my lips. I loathed food ; and it was not until the follow- ing Friday evening that I was persuaded to take any. Every thing about us, so forcibly and painfully re- minded us of her we had lost, that my sister and my- self determined to remove from our lodgings; and, having disposed of our feather-bed, and a few little
78 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
matters, to the woman of the house, we paid a week's board in advance at a house in Spring Street. I now began to feel the effects of my night watchings and neglect of food, and was taken so sick, that a city physician attended me for three or four days. As soon as I recovered, I inquired for my old and kind friends, the Egberts. They were in the city, and I proceeded to their house, in Suffolk Street, where I was received cordially, and kindly nursed, with all the care of a mother and sister, during the weak time which followed my indisposition. My sister and I had separated, as she boarded where she worked, in the upper part of the city.
As soon as I had sufficiently recovered, I scraped together what money I could, and went on a visit to the family with whom I left England. With them I remained two months, and received many condolences on the subject of my mother's death, and^ my lonely situation; but after, and, indeed, during this time, I could not help feeling that my absence would not be regretted, so I made preparations for quitting them. Whilst in the country, I spent a few days with Mr. Elijah Hunt, who, together with Mrs. Hunt, were very kind to me. As my wearing apparel was get- ting shabby, Mr. Hunt, in the kindest manner, pro- vided me with a twenty-five dollar suit, trusting to my honor for repayment, when it lay in my power. Never shall I forget the kindness of him and his fam- ily to me at that time. I started for New York about September, and there went to work for Mr. John Gladding, who always behaved kindly towards me.
The ejffect on my mind of the experiences I had passed through, was to produce a bitterness of spirit,
AUTOBIOGEAPHY OF JOHN" B. GOUGH. 79
hardly to be described or understood. It became in me so fierce that I must have wounded the feelings of others, often, by the contempt with which I would speak of funerals and mourners. Tolling of bells, and all ceremonies attending the dead, were to me, subjects of ridicule. I seemed to lose sympathy with my fellow-men. My mother was a good woman, but there was no burial service read over her. I then declared, that I would never wear a bit of crape, for the loss of any human being ; and the declaration I then made, holds good to-day. This terrible experi- ence produced an effect on me that was never eradi- cated— though much modified — till the visit to my native village, in 1854, where my mother's memory is tenderly cherished, by so many who knew her worth, and where she left the fragrance of a good name, that is fresh to-day.
I boarded in Grand Street at this time, and soon after laid the foundation of many of my future sor- rows. I possessed a tolerably good voice, and sang pretty well, having also the faculty of imitation rather strongly developed ; and, being well stocked with amusing stories, I was introduced into the society of thoughtless and dissipated young men, to whom my talents made me welcome. These companions were what is termed respectable, but they drank. I now began to attend the theaters frequently, and felt ambitious of strutting my hour upon the stage. By slow but sure degrees I forgot the lessons of wisdom which my mother had taught me, lost all relish for the great truths of religion, neglected my devotions, and considered an actor's situation to be the "ne plus ultra" of greatness.
80 AUTOBIOGKAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
I well remember, in my early days, having enter- tained, through the influence of my mother, a horror of theaters; and once, as I walked up the Bowery, and watched the multitudes passing to and fro on the steps of the play-house there, — which I had mounted for the sake of a better view of the busy scene,— this passage of Scripture came to my recollection: ''The glory of the Lord shall cover the face of the earth as the waters cover the sea;" and I mentally offered up a prayer, that that time might speedily arrive. Not very long afterwards, — so low had I fallen, and so des- perately had I back-slidden, — that at the very door of that same theater, which I had, five years before, wished destroyed, as a temple of sin, I stood applying for a situation as actor and comic singer! No longer did I wish a church should be built on the site of the theater; that very place of entertainment had become at first a chosen, and now, to support excitement, an almost necessary place of resort.
I did not enter the theater at this time, having failed in my endeavor to procure such a situation ; but I soon afterwards sung a comic song, entitled, "The Water Party," at the Franklin Theater, in Chat- ham street, where William Sefton was stage manager, and where John Sefton made such a hit in the role of Jemmy Twitcher, in the drama of the Golden Farmer. I assumed the name of Gilbert, and was encored, so that I was encouraged to pursue the pro- fession of an actor. But I did not at that time.
During this period, I worked pretty steadily at my business ; but such were my growing habits of dissi- pation, that, although receiving five dollars a week, I squandered every cent, and was continually in debt.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 81
My proceedings, too, became characterized by a hith- erto unfelt recklessness. One morning a young man came to me, and informed me that a great fire had broken out down the street. (1 had belonged to a volunteer fire-engine company, and also to a dramatic society, which held its meetings at the corner of Anthony Street and Broadway, and which had greatly tended to increase my habits of irregularity.) I passed by the information lightly and selfishly, saying: "Let it burn on, it wont hurt me." When I had finished my breakfast, some one informed me the fire was in the neighborhood of the shop where I worked. This alarmed me; and I proceeded toward my place of business, where I arrived just in time to see the flames bursting through the workshop windows. By this disaster, although I had so little anticipated it, I lost what I could ill afford, — an overcoat and some books; and, worse than this, I was thrown out of employment; so that I was injured by the fire, which I had so confidently thought "could not hurt me."
Mr. Gladding, after the fire, determining to remove to Bristol, Rhode Island, and set up in business there, invited me to accompany him. I therefore left New York, and remained in his employ for about a year, during which time nothing of importance transpired. In February or March, 1837, however, Mr. Gladding failed, and as I was again obliged to seek for occupa- tion, I proceeded to Providence, and there continued my drinking habits. I succeeded in procuring work at Mr. Brown's, in Market Row, and experienced much kindness at his hands. Here I might, and ought to have done well, but for my unfortunate habits of dis-
82 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B, GOUGH.
sipation, which gradually increased, and which were every day treasuring up misery for me.
It happened that, at this time, a company of actors were performing at Providence. I became acquainted with them, and being strongly advised by them to make an essay on the stage, I acceded to their wishes, and followed my own inclinations with respect to the matter. It could not be expected that, connected with the stage, I could follow steadily a more sober occupation. Nor did I: for I worked only at uncer- tain intervals, frequently was absent for days together, and, as a necessary consequence, incurred the dis- pleasure of my employer, who soon after discharged me from his shop, on the ground of inattention to my business, although I was acknowledged by him to be an excellent workman. I now entirely gave myself up to the stage, and gained some reputation for the manner in which I performed a low line of characters. Brilliant, however, as I thought my prospects to be, I was doomed to disappointment: for, before long, the theater came to a close, and I, in common with the other members of the company, failed to receive remuneration for my services.
Thus was I again thrown on my own resources, and, with a tarnished reputation, my situation was far worse than it had hitherto been. I tried to ob- tain employment, but failed; and, although I wished to get out of the town, I was unable to do so from want of funds. My clothes had grown shabby, and I was guiltless of wearing more than one suit. Worse than this, my appetite for strong drink was in- creasing, and becoming ^ confirmed habit — the effect of almost unlimited indulgence. I was now reduced
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 83
to absolute want. My boarding-house account had assumed an unpleasant aspect, and, more than once, had I received threatening notices to quit. One night I was reduced to extremities, and so poorly was I ofl^ that I was compelled to wander about the streets, from night until almost morning, in order to keep my- self warm. In pure desperation, I repaired to one of the very lowest class of hotels, where I obtained a miserable lodging. It happened, at this time, that a person visited Providence, who wanted to engage some performers for a theater which was to open, for a short season, in Boston. To this person, whose name was Barry (and who afterwards was lost, with his whole stock company, whilst going to Texas), I was introduced; and he was, at the same time, informed of my necessity. Mr. Barry, with a kindness which was well meant, said he would take me to Boston with him, on his own responsibility, and use his influence in my behalf I left Providence, on a Sunday morn- ing, and succeeded in getting an engagement in Bos- ton, at the Lion Theater, where I performed gener- ally, low comedy parts.
Strangely enough, my first appearance in Boston was in the character of the keeper of a temperance house, in the play of "Departed Spirits, or the Tem- perance Hoax," arranged by Barry more, in which Deacon Moses Grant, Dr. Lyman Beecher, and other prominent temperance men, were held up to ridicule. One scene in this play, was a fire in the hotel. I was called up at night by some travelers, and, holding a colloquy with them from the window, with a candle in my hand, set fire to the curtains; a man behind me, was ready with some "red fire," as the curtains
84 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
blazed, — being wet with spirits of turpentine, — to set fire to the combustible behind me ; and the principal fun of the scene was, when the engine was brought in, with "real water," — so the play-bills announced, as a special feature, — and I got out of the window to be drenched to the skin, by the water from the engine. It was rare fun to the audience, and others, but no fun to me, I assure you ; but then, I was engaged at a salary of five dollars per week, — which I never received, for the theater closed in a few weeks, and, deprived of my pay, I was once more thrown like a foot-ball on the world's highway, at the mercy of every passing foot.
My appearance was now shabby enough. All my little stock of money was spent as fast as I received it; and, once more, I was absolutely in want. Like many others, similarly circumstanced, I experienced, in my adversity, kindness from woman. Mrs. Fox, with whom I boarded, was quite aware of my desti- tute situation, and benevolently afforded me a home and subsistence until I could once more obtain work. This I at last did, at Mr. Benjamin Bradley's; and in his employ I continued until the month of January, 1838, when I was discharged. The reason assigned by Mr. Bradley, for my dismissal, was what might have been expected from a knowledge of my habits. He said I was too shabby in appearance for a shop, and it was his opinion, as well as that of others, that I drank too much. I had paid my board at Mrs. Fox's up to that time, but was now again without a cent, and was in the depths of trouble, until I acci- dentally heard that a person at Newburyport was in want of a binder, to whom he was willing to give six
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOIIK B. GOUGH. 85
dollars a week wages. Small as was this remunera- tion, I need scarcely say that I eagerly accepted the offered salary, and traveling, partly by stage and partly by cars, entered Newbury port late in the even- ing of the 30th of January. The next morning I commenced work in my new situation ; and, for a few weeks, by a desperate effort, I managed to keep free from the intoxicating cup. I was now comparatively steady, and gave satisfaction to my employer; but this state of things, unhappily, did not last long, for I had a longing for society, and, I regret to say, soon formed an acquaintance with companions who were calculated to destroy any resolutions of amendment which I had formed. I joined a fire-engine company, and, before long, I was again on the high-road of dis- sipation,— neglecting my business, destroying my reputation, — which was already damaged, — and injur- ing my health.
Work grew slack towards the July of that year, and, as I could not earn sufficient to support myself at my trade, I embraced another occupation, and entered into an arrangement wdth the captain of a fishing-boat, to go a voyage with him down Chaleur Bay. My sea experiences were somewhat severe, as will presently be seen; but as there was no rum on board, I was forced to keep sober, and that at least, saved me a considerable amount of suffering. When, however, I went on shore, I made up for my forced abstinence by pottle-deep potations, and my visit to another vessel was generally accompanied by a ca- rousal, if rum was by any means to be obtained. In consequence of what is commonly called a "spree," my life was, at one time, placed in considerable jeopardy. 6
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Several of our crew, with myself^ had been on board a neighboring vessel ; and, on our return at night, T was, as might be expected, intoxicated. The boat was rowed to the side of our craft, and I was so much under the influence of drink, that, unnoticed, T lay at the bottom of the boat. As customary, when the rest of the crew got on board, the hook was fastened in the bow of the boat, which was drawn up. In con- sequence of this, as the bow was hoisted with a jerk, I was flung violently, from where I was lying, to the stern, and the force of the blow effectually awakened me. I called out, and alarmed my companions, just in time to prevent being thrown overboard, and was soon rescued from my perilous position. It seemed that they had not noticed me in the boat when they left it, and supposed, in the dark scramble, I had got safely on board. So was my life again saved by an all-wise Providence ; but I was so closely wrapped in my garb of thoughtlessness, that I passed by the mat- ter with little thought or thankfulness.
And yet, at this time, I did not consider myself to be — what, in reality, I was — a drunkard. Well enough did I know, from bitter experience, that character, sit- uations, and health, had been perilled, in consequence of my love of ardent spirits. I felt, too, an aching void in my breast, and conscience frequently told me that I was on the broad road to ruin ; but that I was what all men despised, — and I among them, detested, — I could not bring myself to believe. I would frame many excuses for myself — plead my own cause before myself, as judge and jury, until I obtained, at my own hands, a willing acquittal. 0 ! how little does the young man dream that he is deceiving himself, though
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 87
not others, whilst pursuing so fatal a course as was mine. He abhors the name of "drunkard," whilst no other word so aptly and accurately defines his position.
The purpose of our voyage having been answered, we prepared for our homeward sail, and were making for port when a violent storm burst over us. It was a south-easter ; and in our perilous position off Cape Sable, none of us expected to weather it. For hours we feared we should go to the bottom, and scarce a hope remained to cheer us, — the captain having given up everything for lost. We could discern the sea breaking violently over the Brazil rock, four miles and a half from us, and we were rapidly drifting to the coast; but in that dreadful season, strange to tell, I suffered but very little, if anything, from alarm or anxiety. What to attribute this feeling — or rather absence of feeling — to, I know not ; but so it was, that, owing to callousness or some other cause, I felt not the slightest fear, although some old "salts" were dreadfully anxious. I sat as calmly as I remember ever to have done in my life, whilst wave after wave dashed over the frail vessel, making every timber creak, and her whole frame to quiver, as if with mortal agony. By the mercy of God, however, the wind shifted to the westward, and by means of the only rag of a sail which remained to us, we managed to crawl off.
This was a fearful storm. Wrecks strewed the coast; a vessel went down with all on board, but a short distance from us ; and the schooner that started in company with us from the Bay, went on shore, and every man perished.
88 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
Next morning at daylight we went toward land, and about noon, anchored in Sherburne Bay, Nova Scotia, where we remained long enough to replace a lost sail, and repair our damaged vessel. One scene on board during the storm, was such a combination of the ludicrous and the profane, with ignorance, wickedness, and superstition, that I may be pardoned for relating it. We had a man on board so notori- ously wicked^ that we called him the Algerine. His profanity was frightful. Utterly ignorant, all he knew of prayer or Scripture, was the first verse of the first chapter of Genesis, and the first clause of the Lord's Prayer. During fair weather, he was a great braggart and bully; when the gale so increased that we were really in danger, he began to show signs of fear; and soon we heard him muttering, "In the be- ginning God created the heavens and the earth — Oh — Oh — Our Father shart in heaven — Oh — we're go- ing down — d the luck — Oh — Oh-h — In the be- ginning— Oh — murder — d the luck— Our Father
shart in heaven." When the jib blew away, he was ordered by the captain to go out with another man on the bowsprit. "No — I wont — Our Father shart
in heaven — No — I wont — d d if I do," — and there
lay poor Jake prone on the deck. "Get up, you lub- ber," said the captain. " Our Father shart in heaven," said Jake. "You need to be started with a rope's end," said the captain. "In the beginning God cre- ated the heavens and the earth," — " You fool ! get up! you^ll be washed overboard," said the captain. "Oh — Oh — Our Father shart in heaven," said Jake, as he crawled to one of the rings of the hatchway, and clung to it with both hands. Poor Jake! I
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 89
think I see him now, as, in spite of the tremendous sea and our personal danger, we could but laugh. Utterly powerless with terror, all we could get from him was, "In the beginning," or "Our Father shart in heaven," — with an occasional " d the luck," inter- spersed with the most dismal Oh's and groans. And so it was till the storm abated. When we were safe in Sherburne Harbor, seated at the table with coffee and doughnuts, one of the men said, "Jake, what was that about your father?" another, "Jake, tell us what was it in the beginning?" and the chaffing com- menced, and continued, till he was almost beside him- self with rage, and so threatened us, that we thought it advisable to leave him alone; but the slightest allusion to Jake's "father," or "the beginning," was sufficient to put him in a fury of passion ever after- wards.
We soon set sail, and I arrived at Newburyport on the first Sunday in November, glad enough to be freed from my imprisonment for three and a half months, in a small vessel of fifty tons burden.
Once more on land, I engaged to work at my own business, and did so for some time with Mr. Tilton. Not long afterwards J entered into the matrimonial state, and commenced housekeeping, having earned money sufficient by my fishing voyage to purchase some neat furniture. In my new condition I might have done well, for I had every prospect of success, had it not been for my craving after society, which, in spite of having a home of my own, I still felt. Alas ! forgetful of a husband's home duties, I again became involved in a dissipated social ne1>-work, whose fatal meshes too surely entangled me, and unfitted
90 AUTOBIOGKAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
me for that active exertion which was now rendered doubly necessary. I .continued at my work until the month of June, when, business becoming slack, I again went on a fishing excursion, with my wife's brother, the captain of the boat, into the Bay of Fundy. We were away this time for only six weeks, and returned in safety, without having encountered anything worthy of note.
CHAPTEE VL
Continued Residence in Newbnryport — Increasing Dissipation — Fall- ing off of Companions — Attempt at Work — Growing Reckless- ness— Trip to Lynn, Haverhill, and Amesbury — Concert — Return Home' — Fearful Scenes — Sickness — Delirium — Recovery — Leave Newburyport — Diorama — Return to Worcester — Employment.
DuRiN'G my residence at Newburyport, my early serious impressions on one occasion in a measure re- vived, and I felt some ^tingings of conscience for my neglect of the Sabbath, and religious observances. I re-commenced attending a place of worship, and for a short time I attended the Kev. Mr. Campbell's church, by whom, as well as by several of his mem- bers, I was treated with much Christian kindness. I was often invited to Mr. Campbell's house, as well as to the houses of some of his hearers, and it seemed as if a favorable turning-point or crisis in my fortunes had arrived. Mr. Campbell was good enough to man- ifest a very great interest in my welfare, and fre- quently expressed a hope that I should be enabled, although late in life, to obtain an education. And this I might have acquired, had not my evil genius prevented my making any efforts to obtain so desirar ble an end. My desire for strong liquors and com- pany seemed to present an insuperable barrier to all improvement; and after a few weeks every aspiration after better things had ceased; every bud of promised comfort was crushed. Again I grieved the Spirit
92 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
that had been striving with my spirit, and ere long became even more addicted to the use of the infernal draughts, which had already wrought me so much woe, than at any previous period of my existence.
And now my circumstances began to be desperate indeed. In vain were all my efforts to obtain work, and at last I became so reduced, that at times I did not know, when one meal was ended, where on the face of the broad earth, I should find another. Further mortification awaited me, and by slow degrees, I be- came aware of it. The young men with whom I had associated, in bar-rooms and parlors, and who wore a little better clothing than I. could aiSbrd, one after another began to drop my acquaintance. If I walked in the public streets, I too quickly perceived the cold look, the averted eye, the half recognition, and to a sensitive spirit, such as I possessed, such treatment was almost past endurance. To add to the mortifica- tion caused by such a state of things, it happened that those who had laughed the loudest at my songs and stories, and who had been social enough with me in the bar-room, were the very individuals who seemed most ashamed of my acquaintance. I felt that I was shunned by the respectable portion of the community also; and once, on asking a lad to accompany me in a walk, he informed me that his father had cautioned him against associating with me. This was a cutting reproof, and I felt it more deeply than words can ex- press. And could I wonder at it? No. Although I may have used bitter words against that parent, ray conscience told me that he had done no more than his duty, in preventing his son being influenced by my dissipated habits. Oh ! how often have I laid down
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHiq^ B. GOUGH. 93
and bitterly remembered many who had hailed my arrival in their company as a joyous event. Their plaudits would resound in my ears, and peals of laughter ring again in my deserted chamber; then would succeed stillness, only broken by the beatings of my agonized heart, which felt that the gloss of re- spectability had worn off, and exposed my threadbare condition. To drown these reflections, I vv^ould drink, not from love of the taste of the liquor, but to be- come so stupefied by its fumes as to steep my sorrows in a half oblivion; and from this miserable stupor, I would wake to a fuller consciousness of my situation, and again would I banish my reflections by liquor. ,
There lived in Newburyport at that time a Mr. Low, who was a rum-seller, and I had spent many a shilhng at his bar; he proposed to me that he would purchase some tools, and I could start a bindery on my own account, paying him by installments. He did so; and I thought it an act of great kindness then, and for some time afterwards, till I found he had re- ceived pay from me for tools he had never paid for himself, and I was dunned for the account he had failed to settle. He even borrowed seventy-five dol- lars from me after I signed the pledge, which has never been repaid. "Such is life."
Despite all that had occurred, my good name was not so far gone but that I might have succeeded, by the aid of common industry and attention, in my business. I was a good workman, and found no diffi- culty in procuring employment, and, I have not the slightest doubt, should have succeeded in my endeav- ors to get on in the world, but for my unhappy love of stimulating drinks, and my craving for society. I
94 AUTOBIOGKAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
was now my own master; all restraint was removed, andj as might be expected, I did as I pleased in my own shop. I became careless, was often in the bar- room when I should have been at my bindery, and instead of spending my evenings at home, in reading or conversation, they were almost invariably passed in the company of the rum bottle, which became al- most my sole household deity. Five months only did I remain in business, and, during that short period, I gradually sunk deeper and deeper in the scale of degradation. I was now the slave of a habit which had become completely my master, and which fastened its remorseless fangs in my very vitals. Thought was a torturing thing. When I looked back, memory drew fearful pictures, in lines of lurid flame; and, whenever I dared anticipate the future, hope refused to illumine my onward path. I dwelt in one awful present; nothing to sblace me, — nothing to beckon me onwards to a better state.
I knew full well that I was proceeding on a down- ward course, and crossing the sea of time, as it were, on a bridge perilous as that over which Mahomet's followers are said to enter paradise. A terrible feel- ing was ever present that some evil was impending, which would soon fall on my devoted head; and I would shudder, as if the sword of Damocles, sus- pended by its single hair, was about to fall and utterly destroy me.
Warnings were not wanting; but they had no voice of terror for me. I was intimately acquainted with a. young man in the town, and well remember his coming to my shop one morning, and asking the loan of ninepence, with which to buy rum. I let him
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN" B. GOUGH. 95
have the money, and the spirit was soon consumed. He begged me to lend him a second ninepence, but I refused ; jet, during my temporary absence, he drank some spirit of wine, which was in a bottle in the shop, and used by me in -my business. He went aw^ay, and the next I heard of him, was, that he had died shortly afterwards. Such an awful circumstance as this might w^ell have impressed me; but habitual in- dulgence had almost rendered me proof against salu- tary impressions. I was, to tell the truth, at this time, deeper in degradation than at any period be- fore, which I can remember.
My custom now was to purchase my brandy — which, in consequence of my limited means, was of the very worst description — and keep it at the shop, where, by little and little, I drank it, and continually kept my- self in a state of excitement. This course of pro- ceeding entirely unfitted me for business, and it not unfrequently happened, when I had books to bind, that I would, instead of attending to business, keep my customers w^aiting, whilst in the company of dis- solute companions. I drank during the whole day, to .the complete ruin of my prospects in life. So en- tirely did I give myself up to the bottle, that those of my companions who fancied they still possessed some claims to respectability, gradually withdrew from my company. At my house, too, I used to keep a bottle of gin, which was in constant requisition. Indeed, go where I would, stimulant I must and did have. Such a slave w^as I to the bottle, that I re- sorted to it continually, and in vain was every effort which I occasionally made, to conquer the debasing habit. I had become a father; but God in his mercy
96 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
removed my little one at so early an age, that I did not feel the loss as much as if it had lived longer, to engage my affections.
A circumstance now transpired which attracted my attention, and led me to considei" my situation, and whither I was hurrying. A lecture was advertised to be delivered by the first reformed drunkard, Mr. J. J. Johnson, who visited Newburyport, and I was invited by some friends who seemed to feel an inter- est, to attend and hear what he had to say. I de- termined after some consideration to go and hear what was to be said on the subject. The meeting was held in the Rev. Mr. Campbell's church, which was pretty well crowded. I went to the door, but would go no farther; but in the ten minutes I stood there, I heard the speaker, in graphic and forcible terms, depict the misery of the drunkard, and the awful consequences of his conduct, both as they af- fected himself and those connected with him. My conscience told me that he spoke the truth, — for what had I not suffered ! I knew he was right, and I turned to leave the church, when a young man offered me the pledge to sign. I actually turned to sign it; but at that critical moment, the appetite for strong drink, as if determined to have the mastery over me, came in all its force. Oh! how I wanted it; and, re- membering that I had a pint of brandy at home, I deferred signing, and put off to ^^a more convenient season," a proceeding that might have saved me so much after sorrow. I, however, compromised the mat- ter with my conscience, by inwardly resolving that I would drink up what spirit I had by me, and then think of leaving off the use of the accursed liquid altogether.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 97
^^ Think of it!" 0! had I then acted, what misery would have been spared me in after days. One would have imagined that I had had my fill of misery, and . been glad to have hailed and grasped any saving hand which might be held out. But no; such was the dominion which rum had over me, that I was led cap- tive by it, as at will. It had impaired every energy, and almost destroyed the desire to be better than I was. I was debased in my own eyes, and, having lost my self-respect, became a poor, abject being, scarcely worth attempting to reform.
Did I think of it ? 0, no. I forgot the impressions made upon me by the speaker at the meeting I have alluded to. Still, I madly drained the inebriating cup, and speedily my state was worse than ever. 0, no. I soon ceased to think about it, for my master passion, like Aaron's rod, swallowed up every thought and feeling opposed to it, which I possessed.
My business grew gradually worse, and at length my constitution became so impaired, that even when I had the will, I did not possess the power to provide for my daily wants. My hands would, at times, trem- ble so that I could not perform the finer operations of my business, — the finishing and gilding. How could I letter straight, with a hand burning and shaking from the effects of a debauch? Sometimes, when it was absolutely necessary to finish off* some work, I have entered the shop with a stern determi- nation not to drink a single drop until I completed it. I have bitterly felt that my failing was a matter of common conversation in the town, and a burning sense of shame would flush my fevered brow, at the conviction that I was scorned by the respectable por-
'98 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
tion of the community. But these feelings passed away like the morning cloud or early dew, and I pur- sued my old course.
About this time I received a letter from the pro- prietor of a hotel and hall in Lynn, inviting me to come there, and give a couple of entertainments in his hall; he to take the proceeds of the first, I to receive the second. I went, and returned with about three dollars, as the result. Afterwards I went to Lowell, Haverhill, and Amesbury, in company with Stanwood and Warren. I give, as a curiosity, a copy of an old handbill in my possession : —
CONCERT
AT AMESBURY.
Mr. M. G. Stanwood and Mr. C. Warren respectfully inform the ladies and gentlemen of Amesbury, that they will give a Concert, at Franklin Hall, t^ This Evening, March 22d, for the purpose of introducing the
ACCORDION into use, — as it is thought by many to be an instrument that cannot be performed on. The performance will consist of some of the most popular music from the latest Operas.
MR. JOHN B. GOUGH,
The celebrated singer from the New York* and Boston Theaters, will
also appear in his most popular songs.
P R O GK AMME.
PART I. Hail Columbia. Yankee Doodle.
Song — Wedlock, ."'» Gough.
Sweet Home.
* I had sung but one song in a New York theater, but this was inserted for effect.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 99
Hunter's Chorus.
^o„(7_Water Party, Gough.
Kinloch of Kinloch. Swiss Waltz.
Recitation— bailor Boy's Dream, . , . , Gmgh.
Oft in the Stilly Night. March in " Masaniello."
aSo«^— Apollo Glee Club Gmgh,
Away with Melancholy — with variations. Winding Way. ,
PART II. Stanz Waltz. Wood-up.
Recitation— Alonzo and Imogene, Gough.
Bayadere Quickstep. Trumpet Quickstep.
5o«5r— Bashful Man, Gough.
Somnambula Quickstep.
Fisher's Hornpipe.
Dialogue — Between a Yankee, Dutchman, Frenchman, and Irishman,
on the subject of eatables and speakables, Gough.
Cinderella Waltz. Brass Band Quickstep.
Song — Bartholomew Fair, Gough.
Hull Street Guards Quickstep. Copenhagen Waltz — with variations.
Tickets 25 cents; Children, half price. To be obtained at the door. Doors open at 7 — performance to commence at ^ past 7 o'clock.
V
Though we gave the audience a good bill of fare for their money, and did our best, I was very little, if at all, benefited financially, and returned to the old wretched way of life. To what shifts was I reduced, to conceal my habit of using intoxicating drinks!
Frequently have I taken a pitcher, with a pint of new rum in it, purchased at some obscure groggery, and put about one-third as much water as there was spirit in it, at the town pump, in Market Square, in order to induce persons to think that I drank water alone. This mixture I would take to my shop, and,
100 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
for days and days together, it would be my only beverage. In consequence of this habit, I would frequently fall asleep, or, if awake, be in so half tor- pid a state, that work or exertion of any kind was quite out of the question; and my days dragged wearily on. At times I almost wished that my life, and its miseries, would close.
The reader will remember that T have before re- ferred to my sister. She had been for some time married, and was then residing at Providence, R. I. One day I received a letter from her, in which she stated that she was severely afflicted with salt rheum, and requested that my wife would visit her, for the purpose of nursing her and her infant. My wife decided on going. I accompanied her to the cars, and then returned home. It was the first time since our marriage that we had ever been separated, and the house to me looked lonely and desolate. I thought I would not go to work, and a great induce- ment to remain at home, existed in the shape of my enemy, — West India rum, — of which I had a quantity in the house. Although the morning was by no means fir advanced, I sat down, intending to do noth- ing until dinner-time. I could not sit alone without rum, and I drank glass after glass, until I became so stupefied that I was compelled to lie down on the bed, where I soon fell asleep. When I awoke, it was late in the afternoon, and then, as I persuaded my- self, too late to make a bad day's work good. I in- vited a neighbor, who, like myself, was a man of intemperate habits, to spend the evening with me. He came, and we sat down to our rum, and drank freely together until late that night, when he stag-
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 101
«
gered home, and so intoxicated was I, that in moving to go to bed, I fell over the table, broke a lamp, and lay on the floor for some time, unable to rise. At last I managed to get to bed ; but 0 ! I did not sleep, only dozed at intervals, for the drunkard never knows the blessings of undisturbed repose. I awoke in the night with a raging thirst. My mouth was parched, and my throat was burning; and I anxiously groped about the room, trying to find more rum, in which I sought to quench my dreadful thirst. No sooner was one draught taken, than the horrible dry feeling re- turned; and so I went on, swallowing repeated glass- fuls of the spirit, until at last I had drained the very last drop which the jug contained. My appetite grew by what it fed on ; and, having a little money by me, I with difficulty got up, made myself look as tidy as possible, and then went out to buy more rum, with which I returned to the house.
The fact will, perhaps, seem incredible, but so it was, that I drank spirits continually, without tasting a morsel of food, for the next three days. This could not last long; a constitution of iron strength could not endure such treatment, and mine was partially broken down by previous dissipation.
I began to experience a feeling hitherto unknown to me. After the three days' drinking, to which I have just referred, I felt, one night, as I lay on my bed, an awful sense of something dreadful coming upon me. It was as if I had been partially stunned, and now, in an interval of consciousness, was about to have the fearful blow, which had prostrated me, repeated. There was a craving for sleep, sleep, blessed sleep ! but my eyelids were as if they could not close. Ev- 7
102 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
erj object around me I beheld with startling distinct- ness, and my hearing became unnaturally acute. Then, to the ringing and roaring in my ears, would suddenly succeed a silence, so awful, that only the stillness of the grave might be compared with it.
At other times, strange voices would whisper unin- telligible words, and the slightest noise would make me start, like a guilty thing. But the horrible, burn- ing thirst was insupportable, and, to quench it, and induce sleep, I clutched again and again, the rum bottle, — hugged my enemy, — and poured the infernal fluid down my parched throat. But it was of no use — none. I could not sleep. Then I bethought me of tobacco; and, staggering from my bed to a shelf near, with great difficulty, I managed to procure a pipe and some matches. I could not stand to light the latter, so I lay again on the bed, and scraped one on the wall. I began to smoke, and the narcotic leaf produced a stupefaction. I dozed a little, but, feeling a warmth on my face, T awoke, and discovered my pillow to be on fire! I had dropped a lighted match on the bed. By a desperate effort, I threw the pillow on the floor, and, too exhausted to feel annoyed by the burning feathers, I sank again into a state of som- nolency.
How long I lay, I do not exactly know; but I was roused from my lethargy by the neighbors, who, alarmed by a smell of fire, came to my room to as- certain the cause. When they took me from my bed, the under part of the straw with which it was stuffed, was smouldering, and, in a quarter of an hour more, must have burst into a flame. Had such been the ease, how horrible would have been my fate ! for it is
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 103
more than probable, that, in my half senseless con- dition, I should have been suffocated, or burned to death. The fright produced by this Incident, and a very narrow escape, in some degree sobered me ; but what I felt more than anything else, was the expos- ure. Now, all would be known, and I feared my name would become, more than ever, a by-word and a reproach.
Will it be believed that I again sought refuge in rum? Yet so it was. Scarcely had I recovered from the fright, than I sent out, procured a pint of rum, and drank it all in less than an hour. And now came upop me many terrible sensations. Cramps attacked me in my limbs, which racked me with agony 5 and my temples throbbed as if they would burst. So ill was I, that I became seriously alarmed, and begged the people of the house to send for a physician. They did so ; but I immediately repented having summoned him,, and endeavored, but ineffectually, to get out of his way when he arrived. He saw at a glance what was the matter with me, ordered the persons about me to watch me carefully, and on no account to let me have any spirituous liquors. Everything stimulat- ing was rigorously denied me ; and then came on the drunkard's remorseless torturer, — delirium tremens, in all its terrors, attacked me. For three days, I en- dured more agony than pen could describe, even were it guided by the mind of Dante. Who can tell the horrors of that horrible malady, aggravated as it is by the almost ever-abiding consciousness that it is self- sought ? Hideous faces appeared on the walls, and on the ceiling, and on the floors ; foul things crept along the bedclothes, and glaring eyes peered into mine. I
104 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN" B. GOITGH.
was at one time surrounded by millions of monstrous spiders, that crawled slowly over every limb, whilst the beaded drops of perspiration would start to my brow, and my limbs would shiver until the bed rattled again. Strange lights would dance before my eyes, and then suddenly the very blackness of darkness would appall me by its dense gloom. All at once, whilst gazing at a frightful creation .of my distem- pered mind, I seemed struck with sudden blindness. I knew a candle was burning in the room, but I could not see it, — all was so^ pitchy dark. I lost the sense of feeling, too, for I endeavored to grasp my arm in one hand, but consciousness was gone. I put my baud to my side, my head, but felt nothing, and still I knew my limbs and frame were there. And then the scene would change : I was falling — falling swiftly as an arrow — far down into some terrible abyss; and so like reality was it, that as I fell, I could see the rocky sides of the horrible shaft, where mocking, jibing, mowing, fiend-like forms were perched ; and I could feel the air rushing past me, making my hair stream out by the force of the unwholesome blast. Then the paroxysm sometimes ceased for a few moments, and I would sink back on my pallet, drenched with perspi- ration,— utterly exhausted, and feeling a dreadful cer- tainty of the renewal of my torments.
By the mercy of God, I survived this awful seizure ; and when I rose, a weak, broken-down man, and sur- veyed my ghastly features in a glass, I thought of my mother, and asked myself how I had obeyed the in- structions I had received from her lips, and to what advantage I had turned the lessons she taught me. I remembered her countless prayers and tears, — thought
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOJIl^ B. GOUGH. 105
of what I had been but a few short months before, and contrasted my situation with what it then was. Oh! how keen were my own rebukes ; and, in the excite- ment of the moment, I resolved to lead a better hfe, and abstain from the accursed cup.
For about a month, terrified by w^hat I had suffered, I adhered to my resolution; then my wife came home, and, in my joy at her return, I flung my good resolutions to the wind, and, foolishly fancying that I could now restrain my appetite, which had for a whole month remained in subjection, I took a glass of brandy. That glass aroused the slumbering demon, who would not be satisfied by so tiny a libation. Another and another succeeded, yntil I was again far advanced in the career of intemperance. The night of my wife's return, I went to bed intoxicated. I wall not detain the reader by the particulars of my every-day life at this time; — they may easily be imagined from what has already been stated. My previous bitter experi- ence, one would think, might have operated as a warning; but none save the inebriate can tell the almost resistless strength of the temptations which assail him. I did not, however, make quite so deep a plunge as before. My tools I had given into the hands of Mr. Gray, for whom I worked, receiving about five dollars a week. My wages were paid me every night, for I was not to be trusted with much money at a time, so certain was I to spend a great portion of it in drink. As it was, I regularly got rid of one-third of what I daily received, for rum.
I soon left Mr. Gray, under the following circum- stances: There was an exhibition of the Battle of Bunker Hill to be opened in the town, and the man-
106 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
ager, knowing that I had a good voice, and sung pretty well, thought my comic singing would consti- tute an attraction; so he engaged me to give songs every evening, and to assist in the general business of the diorama. In this occupation I continued about three weeks, or a month, and when the exhibi- bition closed in Newburyport, by invitation, I re- mained with the proprietor, and proceeded with him to Lowell. As it was uncertain when I should re- turn,— the manager wishing me to travel with him, — I sold off what few articles of furniture yet remained in my possession, and my wife arranged to stay, dur- ing my absence, with my sister. I staid in the town of Lowell for the space of three months, my habits of intemperance increasing, as might be expected; for in a wandering life my outbreaks were not so much noticed as w^hen I was residing at home. As had been the case often before, rum claimed nearly all my attention, and consequently the business I was called upon to perform was entirely neglected, or carelessly attended to.
One part of my business was to turn the crank, in bringing on the troops ; which were figures arranged in a frame, a dozen or more together, and placed on a band of leather, with elects to hold them. This leather passed over rollers, and ran the whole length of the stage. One man placed them on the band, another at the other end took them off and sent them back to us, and they were presented again; so that with a very few figures we could parade quite an army. To turn this crank, required a steady hand, and I am afraid many of the soldiers marched by jerks. Then part of the business was to lie on my
AUTOBIOGEAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 107
back during the bombardment of Charlestown, and while one man worked the figures at their guns, I was, at a signal, to apply a match to some powder I held on a piece of tin, for the flash, when another man struck the big drum, for the report. Often the report came before the flash, and sometimes there was no flash at all. Occasionally I would lift my hand through the hole so high, that the audience saw the operation. Then there would be a laugh and a hiss. Oh! it was miserable work — half suffocated with the smoke, blackened with the powder, sometimes fingers burned, or hair and eyebrows singed, for a salary mea- ger indeed, when I might have done so well. Have I not cause to hate the drink ? Yes, I do hate it. And I pray God to give me an everlastingly increas- ing capacity to hate it.
On several occasions when I repaired to the place where the diorama was exhibited, I was in such a state that I could do nothing required of me, and severe were the rebukes I received in consequence, from my employer. Theise remarks incensed me highly, and only made me drink more, so that ere long my name and that of an incorrigible drunkard were synonymous. We next proceeded to Worcester, and there remained a fortnight. I experienced great difficulty in procuring the meager salary which was promised me, and many privations had I to endure in consequence; my stock of wearing apparel was scanty enough, and hardly fit to appear in the street. This was in the month of October, and, as the winter was drawing on fast, I miserably contemplated what my situation would be through the approaching severe season. Want and cold appeared before me in all
108 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHJ^ B. GOlfGH.
their frightful realities, and I again resolved to ab- stain from the maddening influences which governed me with despotic rule.
I sent to my wife, requesting 'her to return, and transmitted her three dollars for her expenses to "Worcester. I adhered in a great measure to my resolution not to become intoxicated, but on the day I expected her to return home, I met with an ac- quaintance, who asked me to stroll about with him, in order that he might see the town. We drank together, and our walk ended by my getting drunk, and forgetting the good resolution which I had made. I met my wife at the stage, and took her to the hotel. I then went to the performance, and managed to get through my work. Soon after this, I quitted the service of the proprietor of the diorama; and, putting as sober a face upon matters as I could, applied to Messrs. Hutchinson and Crosby, for em- ployment. These gentlemen agreed to take me on trial, stating that, if they were satisfied with my work, they would engage me. My work was ap- proved, and, once more installed in a good situation, I had a chance of pushing my fortune.
My wife now began to exhibit symptoms of dci dining health, and my prospects, as before, were none of the brightest. I managed to keep my situation, and fancied that my intemperate habits were known only to myself, as I carefully avoided any open or flagrant violation of propriety, — but drunkenness, more than any other vice, cannot long be hidden. It seems as if the very walls whispered it; and there is scarcely an action of the drinking man, which does not betray him. I did not^ however, long remain
AUTOBIOGKAPHT OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 109
cautious; for one morning, after having drank freely the evening before, I felt unable to work, and was compelled to remain at home during that day and the next. All my property, which could by any means be rendered available, I had disposed of, in order to procure money for purchasing drink, and the man in whose house I boarded, having watched my proceedings with a very vigilant eye, became, I sup- pose, fearful that I should not be able to pay for my board, and informed my employers, Messrs. Hutchin- son and Crosby, that I was detained at home in con- sequence of what is called a drunken spree. I do not think the information was given from any motive of kindness towards myself, but believe it was a sel- fish motive which prompted the interference.
I felt wretched enough when I proceeded to the shop to resume my work. Mr. Hutchinson had a strong hatred of intemperance, and looked not very lightly on my transgression. As soon as he saw me, he sternly informed me that he did not want any men in his employ who were in the habit of being the worse for liquor ; and threatened me with instant dismissal, should I ever again neglect my business for the bottle. I assured him that he should not again have occasion to complain of my inebriety, and I in- wardly resolved to profit by the warning I had re- ceived. Having a sick wife, and being almost utterly destitute of means, reflection would force itself upon me. I was startled at the idea of her and myself coming to want, entirely in consequence of my evil habit, and I resolved again to attempt the work of reformation.
CHAPTER Vn.
My Wife's 111 Health — Her Death — Continued Dissipation — Methodist Meeting Interrupted — Sad Reflections — Fourth of July — Cold Wa- ter Army — Wretchedness of my Condition — Appeal to Young Men.
In" order to render myself less liable to temptation, and to avoid the dissipated society which I was con- stantly falling into at the hotel where I lived, I left it, and engaged board at the house of a gentleman who happened to be the president of a temperance so- ciety. Here I attempted to restrain my appetite for drink, but the struggle was terrible: so mighty a power would not be conquered without contesting ev- ery inch of his dominion; and I, trusting to my own strength, assailed it with but a feeble weapon. I felt as if I could not do without the draughts which I had been so long accustomed to, and yet I was ashamed to display the weakness which prompted me to in- dulge in them. To procure liquor, I was compelled to resort to every kind of stratagem, and the services of my inventive faculties were in constant requisition. Many a time would I steal out, when no one noticed me, and proceed with a bottle in my pocket, to the farthest extremity of the town, where I would pur- chase a supply of rum, which I would take home with me. Occasionally I procured spirit at the apotheca- ry's shop, alleging, as an excuse, that it was required in a case of sickness, and the pint I would generally
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. Hi
divide into three portions, one of which I took in the morning, another at noon, and the remainder I dis- posed of in the evening. My habits were not natu- rally of a deceptive character, and I always felt de- graded in my own esteem, whenever I had occasion to resort to the expedients I have mentioned, — but what will not a drunkard do, in order to procure the stimulus he so ardently desires? Have it I would, and get it I did; and I always seemed to desire it the more when the difficulty of procuring it was increased.
My wardrobe — as it had, indeed, nearly always been whilst I drank to excess — was now exceedingly shabby, and it was with the greatest difficulty that I could manage to procure the necessaries of life. My wife became very ill. 0 ! how miserable I was ! Some of the women who were in attendance on my wife, told me to get two quarts of rum. I procured it; and as it was in the house, and I did not anticipate serious con- sequences, I could not withstand the strong tempta- tion to drink. I did drink, and so freely that the usual effect was produced. How much I swallowed, I can- not tell; but the quantity, judging from the effects, must have been considerable.
Ten long weary days of suspense passed, at the end of which my wife and her infant both died. Then came the terribly oppressive feeling, that I was utterly alone in the world ; and it seemed almost that I was forgotten of God, as well as abandoned by man. All the consciousness of my dreadful situation pressed heavily indeed upon me, and keenly as a sensitive mind could, did I feel the loss I had experienced. I drank now to dispel my gloom, or to drown it in the maddening cup; and soon was it whispered, from one
112 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
to another, until the whole town became aware of it, that my wife and child were lying dead, and that I was drunk! But if ever I was cursed with the faculty ^ of thought, in all its intensity, it was then. And this was the degraded condition of one w^ho had been nursed on the lap of piety, and whose infant tongue had been taught to utter a prayer against being led into temptation. There, in the room where all who had loved me were lying in the unconscious slumber of death, was I, gazing, with a maudlin melancholy imprinted on my features, on the dead forms of those who were flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone. During the miserable hours of darkness,! would steal from my lonely bed to the place where my dead wife and child lay, and, in agony of soul, pass my shaking hand over their cold faces, and then return to my bed after a draught of rum, which I had obtained and hidden under the pillow of my wretched couch. At such times, all the events of the past would return with terrible distinctness to my recollection, and many a time did I wish to die, — for hope had well nigh de- serted me, both with respect to this world and the next. I had apostatized from those pure principles which once I embraced, and was now —
"A wandering, wretcjied, worn, and weary thing; Ashamed to ask, and yet I needed help."
. I will not dwell on this painful portion of my ca- reer, but simply remark, that all the horrors which I believe man could bear, were endured by me at that dreary time. My frame was enervated, my reputa- tion gone, all my prospects were blighted, and misery seemed to have poured out all her vials on my de- voted head.
AUTOBIOGBAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 113
The funeral of my wife and child being over, I knew not what course to pursue ; for, wherever I went, I failed not to see the slow moving finger of scorn pointed at me. I writhed in agony under the sense of shamo which it produced. Every one looked coldly at me, and but few hesitated to sneer at my despicable condition. What had I done to deserve all this torturing treatment? I was naturally of a kind and humane disposition, and would turn aside from an unwillingness to hurt a worm ; frequently have I reasoned with boys who inflicted cruelty on dumb animals. I would have hugged the dog that licked my hand, and taken to my bosom even a rep- tile, if I thought it loved me. What had I done to make me so shunned and execrated by my kind? Conscieijce gave me back an answer, — I drank! and in those two words lay the whole secret of my miser- able condition.
It was not to be expected that, while I persisted in my drinking habits, I should attend to my work. My employers perceived that I neglected their interests, as well as my own, and I was informed by them that they were no longer in need of my services. What was I to do? I had incurred somfe debts which I wished to discharge, and I expressed a desire to that effect. After some hesitation, I was re-engaged, on the understanding that I should receive not one farthing of money for my labors, lest it should be spent in liquor. My employers said they would purchase me tobacco, and obtain for me the articles I needed, as far as my earnings would go; and, under these stipula- tions, I went to work again. I kept, in a great degree, sober for a few days ; but felt all the time indescribably
114 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHK B. GOUGII.
miserable^ from the consciousness that all confidence in me had been lost, and that I was a suspected man. This impression nettled me to the quick ; and, ere long, I began to feel indignant at the control exercised over me. I thought that as I had battled the world single- handed for twelve years, and had experienced nothing (with one or two exceptions) but unkindness and misery, I had a right to do as I chose, without being watched wherever I went. My proud spirit would not brook this • system of espionage, so I speedily made up my mind to do as I pleased. If I wanted drink, I considered I had a perfect right to gratify my inclinations, and drink I determined to have.
Have it I did, though secretly; and to my employ- ers it was a matter of wonder how I managed to get drunk so often. My funds, as I said, were all ex- pended, and I was driven by my ravenous appetite to a course, which at any other time, and under any other circumstances, I should have shrunk from in horror. I had in my possession some books which I once had valued, some of them presents; and I also retained a few articles, the once highly valued me- mentos of dear and departed friends. As I looked eagerly over these frail remnants of what I once pos- sessed, my all-absorbing passion for drink exercised its tyrannizing power, and one by one, until none re- mained, every relic was disposed of, and the proceeds arising from the sale of them spent for rum. Could there be a more striking instance of the debasing in- fluence which alcohol exerts? Why, at one time, I would almost as soon have parted with my life as with those precious remembrancers of —
" The loved, the lost, the distant, and the dead."
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 115
Now, however, all finer feeling was nearly obliter- ated from the tablet of my affections, and if I felt any pang in parting with articles I once so prized, the glass was my universal panacea. At length nothing remained on which I could raise a single cent, and I found in the lowest depths of poverty "a lower still."
I have in several parts of this narrative, referred to my vocal talents and my ventriloquial acquire- ments. After every other resource had failed me, in my utmost need, I was compelled, as the only means of getting a little rum, to avail myself of these aids. Accordingly, my custom was to repair to the lowest grog-shops, and there I might usually be found night after night, telling facetious stories, singing comic songs, or turning books upside down and reading them whilst they were moving round, to the great delight and w^onder of a set of loafers who supplied me with drink in return. The first effect of drink on me was exhilaration, and that was very quickly pro- duced,— a single glass would mount at once to my brain, and the natural propensity I had to "make fun" was stimulated. When in this state of exhila- ration, no absurdity would be too extravagant, and no extravagance too absurd to be committed. At such times, those who knew me expected some ridiculous freak, and in Worcester there were some who encour- aged me, for their own amusement. I give an illus- tration of this, remembered by several now living in that city: —
It was at the period of the "Millerite" excitement, and meetings were held in a Methodist church, every evening in the week. One evening I went to this church with three or four companions. I had been
116 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
drinking, but took a seat very quietly. It was a noisy meeting, — half a dozen praying together, with cries of "Glory," "Amen," "Hallelujah," "Bless the Lord," and like ejaculations, — and I made as much noise as the rest; for, when some one near me would say "Amen," I would shout, "Yes, brother, or sister," as it happened, ''Amen" During a pause in the prayer and exhortation, I saw a square wooden spit- toon filled with sawdust, quids of tobacco, and refuse. A thought took possession of me, suggested by the Evil One, that it would be a good joke to pass that round as a contribution-box.' I well remember how I felt impelled to do what I did. Taking the spittoon in my hand, as I rose from my seat, I shouted, "We will now proceed to take up a contribution for the purchase of ascension robes." I had so taken the audience by surprise, that I passed the box along in three or four pews, before any one attempted to stop me; but soon I saw one of the principal members of the church approach me, and, dropping the box into a man's lap, scattering the contents over him and on the floor, I ran off! A poor, paltry trick it was, but I deservedly suffered for it when brought before Justice Green in the morning. He fined me five dollars and costs for disturbing public worship. The fine was paid next day, and to this time I do not know, and have never been able to ascertain, who paid it.
Ah me! who could have recognized in the gibing mountebank, encircled by a lg,ughing, drunken crowd, the son of religious parents, — one who had been de- voted and affectionate not so very long before; one, too, who had felt and appreciated the pleasures which religion alone can bestow? At that time the thought
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHK B. GOUGH. 117
of my former condition would flash across my mind when in the midst of riot and revehy; conviction would fasten its quivering arrow in my heart, making it bleed again, — although I was obliged to hide the wound. And through the mists of memory my moth- er's face would often appear, just as it was when I stood by her knee and listened to lessons of wisdom and goodness from her loving lips. I would see her mild, reproving face, and seem to hear her warning voice ; and!, surrounded by my riotous companions, at certain seasons reason would struggle for the throne whence she had been driven; and I would, whilst en- joying the loud plaudits of sots, "see a hand they could not see, whicli beckoned me away "
How apt the world is to judge of a man pursuing the course I did, as one destitute of all feeling, — with no ambition, no desire for better things ! To speak of such a man's pride seems absurd ; and yet, drink does not destroy pride, ambition, or high aspirations. The sting of his misery is, that he has ambition, but no expectation; desire for better things, but no hope; pride, but no energy; therefore, the possession of these very qualities is an additional burden to his load of agony. Could he utterly forget his manhood, and wallow with the beasts that perish, he would be comparatively happy. But his curse is, that he thinks. He is a man, and must think. He cannot always drown thought or memory. He may, and does, fly for false solace to the drink, and may stun his enemy in the evening ; but it will rend him like a giant in the morning. A flower, a half-remembered tune, 3. child's laughter, will sometimes suffice to flood the victim with recollections that either madden him to 8
118 AUTOBIOGEAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
excess, or send him crouching to his miserable room, to sit with face buried in his hands, while the hot, thin tears trickle over his swollen fingers.
My experience on the Fourth of July, 1842, will illus- trate this fact. I was destitute of friends, and there- fore determined that I would work at the shop that day. About eleven o'clock I heard the sound of music, the beating of drums, and the blast of instru- ments, and felt at first inclined to go out and see the procession, when some one came into the shop and said : —
"The cold water army looks finely; won't you go and look at them?"
Cold water army,-^what had I to do with them? I said : —
"I suppose a parcel of old women and children. are parading the street," — and turned again to my work. But the music came nearer and nearer, and burst with a crash on my ear. Well, I thought, I will go and hear the music, at any rate. I pulled off my apron, put on my coat, and as I walked up the street, the proces- sion was just turning down by the Central Hotel, and I stood, leaning against a post, looking on. I was well known on the street, and, in my reckless bravado, I determined that none should see me interested in such a "humbug;" so, with a sneer oh my lip, I — the poor, the shabby, the degraded — stood contemptu- ously surveying the parade. What a company of children! How they shouted, — the boys hurrahing, and the girls waving their handkerchiefs, with their banners and mottoes ! How happy and cheerful, how pure and beautiful ! I watched them till the last boy turned the corner; but there I stood, even till the
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 119
music almost died away in the distance, — the sneer on my lip yet, but the tears silently flowing down my cheeks. With a start and a heavy sigh, I turned away, — oh ! so utterly miserable, — shut out by my own act from all participation in such pure delights. Lonely and desolate, I turned away. I had been thinking — involuntarily thinking — of the time when I was a happy, cheerful boy; of the Sunday-school celebration in which I was appointed to read a hymn, and "speak my piece;" ot" the mother so dearly loved, whose precepts I had forgotten ; of the hopes that were so bright long ago. Yes: thinking till my heart was like to break ; thinking till I grew almost wild ; the convulsive working of my throat painfully testifying how I was stirred, as I slid down an obscure street, that I might not be seen, gained the shop, and worked and thought till I was almost mad. How I endured that day of agony I cannot tell. It seems to me now, that if one word of kindness had been spoken to me then, — one touch of a loving hand, — one look of sympathy from any human being had been given me, — I could have been led anywhere. But no man cared for my soul; and I continued on like an Arab of civilized society, — my hand against every man, because I believed every man's hand was against me.
The Sabbaths which, from my childhood, I had been ' taught to reverence, were now disregarded. Seldom did I enter God's house, where " prayer was wont to be made," as I had done during a portion of the time I resided in New York. The day of rest was no Sabbath to me; and my usual way of spending it was to stroll into the country, where I might be
120 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
alone, with a bottle of intoxicating liquid in my pos- session. When this was empty,! would crawl back to the town, under cover of the darkness, and close the sacred hours in some obscure groggery, in the society of those who, like myself, disregarded the command of the Almighty to "keep holy the Sab- bath day."
I boarded for a few weeks with Mrs. Congdon, who, with her family, bore with me very patiently, and, I believe, felt some interest for me. While there, Mr. H. W. Hawkins was engaged to speak at the town hall, and Mrs. Congdon entertained him. I heard it whispered that an effort would be made to bring us together; to prevent which, I absented my- self from the house till very late, and so avoided him. In the morning, as I was proceeding to my work, a stage drove up to the door, and I waited to see who was the traveler, when Mr. Hawkins came out, and I saw him (I met a gentleman the other day who told me that he distinctly remembered Mr. Hawkins speaking to me on that occasion) ; and in reply to his inquiry whether I would sign the pledge, said, "Yes, if I can get $1000 a year and my expenses, as you do." This was miserable bravado ; and yet, as I left him, I chuckled as if I had got the better of him.
Again the dreary winter was about to resume its rigorous reign, and, with horror, I anticipated its ap- proach. My stock of clothing was failing fast. I had no flannels, or woolen socks, no extra coats, and no means of procuring those absolutely necessary pre- servatives against the severities of an American win- ter. I had no hope of ever becoming a respectable man again, — not the slightest, — for it appeared to me
AUTOBIOGRAPHY 'OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 121
that every chance of restoration to decent society, and of reformation, were gone forever. I wished, and fully expected, soon to die. Hope had abandoned me here; and beyond the grave nothing appeared calculated to cheer my desponding spirit. Oh, what a deep and stinging sense I had of my own degraded position! for my feelings were keenly alive to the ridicule and contempt which never ceased to be heaped on me. Utterly wretched and abandoned, I have stood by the railway track with a vague wish to lie across it, drink myself into oblivion, and let the cars go over me ! Once I stood by the rails, with a bottle of laudanum clattering against my lips, and had nearly been a suicide ; but the mercy of God in- terposed, and I dashed the poison on the ground, and escaped the sin of self-murder. I was but a young man, yet steeped to the lips in poverty, degradation, and misery; with energies which, had they been rightly directed, might have enabled me to surmount difficulty and command respect.
I had long since ceased to correspond with my sis- ter, and so careless had I become, that I never thought of communicating, again with the only rela- tive I had remaining. Frequently was I tempted to take my life ; and yet, I clung instinctively to exist- ence. Sleep was often a stranger to my eyelids, and many a night would I spend in the open air, some- times in a miserable state of inebriation, and at other times in a half sober condition. All this time I often resolved that I would drink no more, — that I would break the chain which bound me ; but I still contin- ued in the same course, breaking every promise made to myself and others, and continuing an object of
122 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHX B. GOUGH.
scorn and contempt. I felt that very few, if any, pit- ied me; and that any should love me, was entirely out of the question. Yet was I yearning intensely for sympathy ; for, as I have before stated, my affec- tions were naturally strong and deep; and often, as I lay in my solitary chamber, feeling how low I had sunk, and that no eye ever dropped a tear of pity over my state, or would grow dim if I were laid in the grave, — I have ardently wished that I might never see the morning light.
Fancy, reader, what my agony must have been, when, with the assurance that no drunkard could enter the kingdom of heaven, I was willing, — nay, anxious, — in order to escape the tortures to which I was subjected in this life, to risk the awful realities of the unseen world! My punishment here was greater than I could bear. I had made a whip of scorpions, which perpetually lashed me. My name was a by-word. No man seemed to care for my soul. I was joined, like Israel of old, unto idols, and it seemed as if the Lord had said respecting me: "Let him alone I "
Before I conclude this portion of my history, let me urge on every young man whose eye may glance over these pages, to learn from my miserable state a lesson of wisdom. Let him beware of the liquor that intoxicates. Poets may sing of the Circean cup, — praise in glowing terms the garlands which wreathe it; wit may lend its brilliant aid to celebrate it, and even learning may invest it with a charm ; — but when the poet's song shall have died, and the garlands withered ; when wit shall have ceased to sparkle, and the lore of ages be an unremembered thing, —
t
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH.
123
the baneful effects of the intoxicating draught will be felt, and then will the words of wisdom be aw- fully verified in the miserable doom of the drunkard : "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging." "Who hath wo ? who hath sorrow ? who hath contentions ? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes ? They that tarry long at the wine ; they that go to seek mixed wine. Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth its color in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder."
CHAPTER YIII.
My Miserable Condition — Memory and Effects of it Now — Joel Strat- ton — The Touch on my Shoulder — Our Walk — My Promise — Tem- perance Meeting in Town Hall, Worcester — First Speech in Public — Signing the Pledge — The Struggle — Jesse Goodrich — Terrible Sickness — Recovery.
Hitherto my career had been one of almost un- mitigated woe; for^ with the exception of the days of my childhood, my whole life had been one per- petual struggle against poverty and misery in its worst forms. Thrown at a tender age upon the world, I was soon taught its hard lessons. Death had robbed me of my best earthly protector, and providence cast my lot in a land thousands of miles from the place of my birth. Temptation had assailed me, and, trusting to my own strength for support, I had fallen, — oh, how low! In the midst of thousands, I was lonely ; and, abandoning hope, the only refuge which seemed open for me was the grave. A dark pall overhung that gloomy abode, which shut out every ray of hope ; and, although death to me would have been a "leap in the dark," I was willing to peril my immortal soul, and blindly rush into the presence of my Maker. Like a stricken deer, I had no com- munion with my kind. Over every door of admission into the society of my fellow-men, the words, "No hope," seemed to be inscribed. Despair was my
AUTOBIOGKAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 125
companion, and perpetual degradation appeared to be my allotted doom. I was intensely wretched, and this dreadful state of things was of my own bringing about. I had no one but myself to blame for the sufferings I endured; and, when I thought of what I might have been, these mflictions were awful be- yond conception. Lower in the scale of mental and moral degradation I could not well sink. Despised by all, I despised and hated in my turn ; and dog- gedly flung back to the world the contempt and scorn which it so profusely heaped on my head.
Such was my pitiable state at this period, — a state apparently beyond the hope of redemption. But a change was about to take place, — a circumstance which eventually turned the whole current of my life into a new and unhoped for channel.
Here let me pause : Eeader, this has been a sad and awful revelation ; my cheeks have burned with shame, as I have written; and I have been strongly tempted to tone down, or draw a veil over portions of this narrative, but I have told the truth, plain and unvar- nished. As I look back to 1842, — twenty-seven years ago, — it seems almost a hideous dream ; I can hardly realize my identity with the staggering, hopeless victim of the terrible vice of intemperance ; but the scars remain to testify the reality ; yes, scars and marks never to be eradicated ; never to be removed in this life. Saved I may be so as by fire, yet the scar of fire is on me; the nails may be drawn, but the marks are there. Do I not bear about with me the remembrance of these days ? yes, always. I never rise to speak, but I think of it ; the more I mingle with the wise, the pure, the true, — the higher
126 AUTCBIOGRAPHT OF JOHN* B. GOUGH.
my aspirations, — the more intense is my disgust and abhorrence of the damning degradation of those seven years of my life from eighteen to twenty-five. I am intensely social in my nature, and enjoy the society of friends keenly ; yet often in the midst of the pleas- ant social circle, the ghost of the past comes glid- ing before me, and words seem to be hissed in my ear: "What is your record?" I believe this to be one reason why I shrink from society; why I have so often refused kind invitations; why, though I love my personal friends as strongly and as truly as any man's friends are ever loved, I have so steadily withdrawn from social parties, dinners, or introductions. This is the penalty I must ever pay.
A man can never recover from the effects of such a seven years' experience, morally or physically. Lessons learned in such a school, are not forgotten; impressions made in such a furnace of sin are perma- nent; the nature so warped in such crooked ways, must retain in some degree the shape; lodgments, are made by such horrible contacts and associations, that nothing but the mighty spirit of God can eradi- cate. Young men, I say to you, looking back at the fire where I lay scorching, — at the bed of torture, where the iron entered my soul, — yes, looking back at the past; standing, as I trust I do, under the arch of the bow, one base of which rests on the dark days, and the other I hope on the sunny slopes of paradise, — I say to you, in view of the awful evil spreading around you, beware ! tamper not with the accursed thing, — and may God forbid that you should ever suf- fer as I have suffered, or be called to fight such a battle as I fought for body and soul.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 127
The month of October had nearly drawn to a close, and on its last Sunday evening I wandered out into the streets, pondering as well as I, was able to do, — for I was somewhat intoxicated, — on my lone and friend- less condition. My frame was much weakened by habitual indulgence in intoxicating liquors, and little fitted to bear the cold of winter, which had already begun to come on. But I had no means of protecting myself against the bitter blast, and, as I anticipated my coming misery, I staggered along, houseless, aim- less, and all but hopeless.
Some one tapped me on the shoulder. An unusual thing that, to occur to me ; for no one now cared to come in contact with the wretched, shabby looking drunkard. I was a disgrace, — "a living, walking dis- grace." I could scarcely believe my own senses when I turned and met a kind look ; the thing was so un- usual, and so entirely unexpected, that I questioned the reality of it, — but so it was. It was the first touch of kindness which I had known for months ; and, sim* pie and trifling as the circumstance may appear to many, it went right to my heart, and, like the wing of an angel, troubled the waters in that stagnant pool of affection, and made them once more reflect a little of the fight of human love. The person who touched my shoulder was an entire stranger. I looked at him^, wondering what his business was with me. Regarding me very earnestly, and apparently with much interest, he said : —
"Mr. Gough, I believe?"
" That is my name," I replied, and was passing on.
" You have been drinking to-day," said the stranger, in a kind voice, which arrested my attention, and
128 AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHJ^ B. GOUGH.
quite dispelled any anger at what I might otherwise have considered an officious interference in my affairs.
"Yes, sir/' I repHed/a have."
"Why do you not sign the pledge?" was the next query.
I considered for a minute or two, and then informed the strange friend, who had so unexpectedly inter- ested himself in my behalf, that I had no hope of ever again becoming a sober man ; that I was without a single friend in the world who cared for me, or what became of me ; that I fully expected to die very soon, — I cared not how soon, or whether I died drunk or sober; and, in fact, that I was in a con- dition of utter recklessness.
The stranger regarded me with a benevolent look, took me by, the arm, and asked me how I should like to be as I once was, respectable and esteemed, w^ell clad, and sitting as I used to, in a place of wor- ship ; enabled to meet my friends as in old times, and receive from them the pleasant nod of recognition as formerly, — in fact, become a useful member of society? " Oh," I replied, " I should like all these things first rate; but I have no expectation that such a thing will ever happen. Such a change cannot be possible."
"Only sign our pledge," remarked my friend, "and I will warrant that it shall be so. Sign it, and I will introduce you myself to good friends, who will feel an interest in your welfare and take a pleasure in helping you to keep your good resolutions. Only, Mr. Gough, sign the pledge, and all will be as I have said ; ay, and more too ? "
Oh! how pleasantly fell these words of kindness and promise on my crushed and bruised heart. I had
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF JOHN B. GOUGH. 129
long been a stranger to feelings such as now awoke in my bosom. A chord had been touched which vi- brated to the tone of love. Hope once more dawned ; and I began to think, strange as it appeared, that such things as my friend promised me might come to pass. On the instant I resolved to try, at least, and said to the stranger: —
"Well, I will sign it."
"When?" he asked.
" I cannot do so to-night," I replied, " for I must have some more drink presently; but I certainly will to- morrow."
"We have a temperance meeting to-morrow even- ing," he said ; " will you sign it then ? "
"I will."
" That is right," said he, grasping my hand