7V

'03

PLAUTUS.

VOLUMK I.

AMPHITRYON. THE COMEDY OF ASSES. THE POT OF GOLD. THE TWO BACCHISES. THE CAPTIVES.

Volume II. CASIXA.

THE CASKET COMEDY. CURCULIO. EPIDICUS. THE TWO MENAECHMUSES.

THE LOEB CLASSICAL LIBRARY

EDITED BY

E. CAPPS, PH.])., LL.J1. T. E. PAGE, litt.d. ^V. H. D. ROUSE, LiTT.D.

PLAUTUS III

"TTTu^^TTr^cJcuTr

P L A U T U S

LVvOK-..f-J WITH AN ENGLISH TRANSLATION BY

PAUL NIXON

PROFESSOR OF LATIN, BOWDOIS COLLEGE, UAINE

IN FIVE VOLUMES III

THE MERCHANT THE BRAGGART WARRIOR THE HAUNTED HOUSE THE PERSIAN

LONDON : WILLIAM HEINEMANN NEW YORK : G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS

MCMXXIV

Printed in Great Britain

Pt?

t TG?

fl^

q (o

V.2,

THE GREEK ORIGINALS AND DATES OF THE PLAYS IN THE THIRD VOLUME

The Mercator is an adaptation of Philemon's Emporos}- When the Emporos was produced^ how- ever, is unknown, as is the date of production of the Mercator, and of the Mosldlaria and Perm, as well.

The Alason, the Greek original of the Milex Gloriosus, was very likely written in 287 B.C., the argument ^ for that date being based on interna- tional relations during the reign of Seleucus,^ for whom Pyrgopolynices was recruiting soldiers at Ephesus. And Periplectomenus's allusion to the imprisonment of Naevius* might seem to suggest that Plautus composed the Miles about 206 b.c.

Philemon's Fhasma was probably the original of the Mostellaria, and written, as it apparently was, after the death of Alexander the Great and Aga- thocles,^ we may assume that Philemon presented the Phasma between 288 b.c. and the year of the death of Diphilus,^ who was living when it was produced.

^ Merc. Prol. 9.

* Hueffner, De Plauti Comoediarum Exemplis Atticis, 28, 29.

3 Miles 75, 948, 949. * Miles 211.

» Most. 11 0. » Most. 1149.

vii

THE GREEK ORIGINALS

In the Pcrsa the Persians are spoken of as a people still independent.^ The unknown Greek original of the play would therefore seem to have been written in the time of Demosthenes, before the conquests of Alexander.

' Pcrsa 506.

SOME ANNOTATED EDITIONS OF PLAYS IN THE THIRD VOLUME

Miles Gloriosus, Brix-Niemej'er ; Leipzig, Teubner, 1901.

Miles Gloriosus, Lorenz ; Berlin, Weidmann, 1886.

Miles Gloriosits, TwveW ; London, Macmillan & Co., 1889.

Mostellaria, Fay ; Boston, Alljn & Bacon, 1902.

MosteUaria, Lorenz ; Berlin, Weidmann, 1883.

Mostellaria, Sonnenschein ; Oxford, Clarendon Press, 1907.

IX

CONTENTS

I. Mercator, or The Merchant J>^S^ ^

II. Miles Gloriosus, or The Braggart

Warrior 119

III. Mostellaria, or The Haunted House 287

IV, Persa, or The Persian 417 Index 525

MERCATOR

OR

THE MERCHANT

VOL. III.

ARGVMENTVM I

Missus mei'catum ab suo adulescens patre Emit atque adportat scita forma mulierem. Requirit quae sit, postquam earn vidit, senex Confingit servos emptam matri pedisequam. Amat senex hanc, ac se simulans vendere Tradit vicino ; eum putat uxor sibi Obduxe scortum. turn Charinum ex fuga Retrahit sodalis, postquam amicam invenit.

ARGVMENTVM II

Mercatum asotum filium extrudit pater, is peregre missus redimit ancillam hospitis amore captus, advehit. nave exilit, pater advolat, vix visam ancillam deperit. cuius sit percontatur ; servos pedisequam ab adulescente matri ait emptam ipsius.

2

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I)

A young man, sent on a trading trip by his father, buys and brings home a charming young miss. The old gentleman, after seeing her, inquires who she may be. His son's servant pretends that she was bought as an attendant for the young man's mother. Falling in love with her and feigning to sell her, the old gentleman entrusts her to a neighbour ; and the neighbour's wife thinks he has got himself a mistress. Then Charinus is kept from leaving the country by his friend, who has found the young fellow's sweetheart.

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (U)

A dissipated son is packed off on a trading trip by his father. Despatched abroad, he loses his heart to a maidservant of his host, buys her, and carries her home. He disembarks ; his father flies to the ship, and, at first sight of the maid, is smitten. He asks whose she is; his son's servant says the young man bought her as an attendant for his mother. Then the old gentle-

B 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

senex, sibi prospiciens, ut amico suo

veniret natum orabat, iiatus ut suo :

hie filium subdiderat vicini^ pater

vicinum ; praemercatur aneillam senex. ^^

earn domi deprehensam coniunx illius

vicini scortum insimulat, protelat virum.

mercator expes patria fugere destinat^

prohibetur a sodale, qui patrem illius

orat cum suo patre, nato ut cederet.^

^ Corrupt (Leo): nun patrc suopte Lindsaj\

PERSONAE

Charinvs advlescens

acanthio servvs

Demipho senex

Lysimachvs senex

Servvs

EvTVCHvs advlescens

Pasicompsa meretrix

DORIPPA MATRONA

Syra anvs Cocvs

MERCATOR

man, with his own comfort in mind, urgently entreats his son to have her sold to a friend of his; the son, to a friend of his own — a neigh- bour's son being the son's proxy, the neighbour himself, the father's. The old gentleman is first in the market and gets the girl. This neighbour's spouse, finding the girl in her house, takes her for her husband's mistress, and ejects him. The young merchant, in despair, determines to flee his native land, but is deterred by his friend who joins his own father in begging the old gallant to give way to his son.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Charinus, a yoimg gentleman of Athens.

AcANTUio, his slave.

Demipho, hisfalher.

LvsiMACHUs, an old gentleman, friend of Demipho.

A SLAVE, belonging to Lysimachus.

EuTvcHus, son of Lysimachus.

Pasicompsa, a courtesan.

DoRippA, wife of Lysimachus.

Svra, his old slave.

A COOK.

ACTVS I

Duas res siniul nunc agere decretunist niilii : et argumentum et meos aniores eloqiiar. non ego item facio ut alios in comoediis vi vidi amoris facere, qui aut nocti aut die aut soli aut lunae miserias narrant suas ; quos pol ego credo humanas querimonias non tanti facere, quid velint quid non velint ; vobis narrabo potiiis meas nunc miserias.

graece haec vocatur Emporos Philemonis^ eadem Latine Mercator Macci Titi. 10

pater ad mercatum hinc me meus misit Khodum ; biennium iam factum est, postquam abii domo. ibi amare occepi forma eximia mulierem. sed ea ut sim implicitus dicam, si operaest auribus atque advortendum ad animum adest benignitas. et hoc parum hercle more amatorum institi : rem ^ eampse ecfatus sum orsusque inde exilico ; nam amorem haec cuncta vitia sectari solent,

^ rem eampse ecfatus sum orsasqice Leo : j)^'' '''fi<* P^'f" conatus sum uos suvique inde exilico MSS.

Scene : — Athens. A street in which stand the houses oJDemipho and Lysimachus.

ACT I

ENTER Charinus, pale and wan.

[to audience) I am now resolved to do, at one and the same time, two things — acquaint you both witli the plot of this play and with my passion. I shall not imitate those other lovesick lovers I have seen in the comedies, who confide their woes to the night, or day, or sun, or moon ; very little care these, I fancy, about the complaints of mortals, their likes and dislikes. It is to you, rather, that I shall now confide my woes.

The Greek name of this play is the Emporos, of Philemon ; in Latin we call it the Mercator, of Maccius Titus.

My father [jvith a wave of the hand in the direction of Dcmipho's house) sent me away from here on a trading trip to Rhodes ; two years ago it is now, since I left home. There I fell in love with a perfectly beautiful girl. But how I became en- thralled you shall hear, if your ears are at leisure and you will accord me your kind attention. {apulogelically) And, by Jove, 1 have failed to follow fully the practice of lovers : this love of mine was the theme I announced, that was my starting point. For in the wake of love commonly come all these ills — care, sorrow and excessive

7

40

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

cura aegritudo nimiaque elegantia,^ multiloquium : parumloquium hoc ideo fit quia, quae nihil attingunt ad rem nee sunt usui, tam amator profert saepe advorso tempore ; hoc pauciloquium rursum idcirco praedico, quia iiullus umquam amator adeost calHde facundus, quae in rem sint suam ut possit loqui. nunc vos mi irasci ob multiloquium non decet : eodem quo amorem Venus mi hoc legavit die. illuc revorti certumst, conata eloquar. principio ut ex ephebis aetate exii atque animus studio amotus puerilist meus, amare valide coepi hinc meretricem : ilico res exulatum ad illam clam abibat patris. leno importunuSj dominus eius mulieris, vi summa ut quicque poterat raj)iebat domum. obiurigare pater haec noctes et dies, perfidiam, iniustitiam lenonum expromere ; lacerari valide suam rem, illius augerier. summo haec clamore ; interdum mussans conloqui : abnuere, negitare adeo me natum suom. 50

conclamitare tota urbe et praedicere,

* Leo brackets following vv. , 20-30 :

haec non modo ilium qui aniat, sed quemque attigit

magna atque solido multat in/ortunio,

nee pol pro/ccto quisqua.m sine grandi malo

praequam res patitur shcduit elegantiae.

sed amori accedunt eliam haec, quae dixi minus :

iiisomnia, aenimna, error, terror etfuga,

ineptia stuUitiaque adeo et teineritas,

incogilantia excors, immodestia,

pet^ilantia et cupiditas, malevolentia,

inertia, aviditas, desidia, iniuria,

inopia, contumelia et dispendiicm.

MERCATOR

display,^ and overtalking — which overtalking be- comes undertalking because a lover constantly delivers himself of useless irrelevancies at the wrong time ; and then again I pronounce this overtalking sub-talking, b)' reason of the fact that no lover is ever so artfully eloquent as to be able to say the things that help him. So you people should not be irritated at my own over- talking now : it was my legacy from Venus on the same day she gave me my love. To which love of mine I must now return^ and resume my tale.

In the beginning, after I had come of age and lost my zest for childish things, I became com- pletely captivated by a courtesan here ; forthwith my father's property quietly went into exile to her. The ruthless pimp, who owned the girl, grabbed and made off with everything he could pounce on. My father denounced all this night and day, picturing the perfidy and injustice of pimps. To think that his own estate should be absolutely mangled, and that fellow's multiplied ! All this at the top of his lungs ; or now again he would mutter what he had to say — shake his head, and even insist that I was no son of his. All over the city he would go, bebawling and giving notice no

' vv. 20-30 : And this is a vice which takes a full and heavy toll, not only from the lover, but from everj'one affected by it, nor is there a single soul, I swear, given to display beyond his means who does not pay an ample penalty. But love has still more ills which I omitted — sleeplessness, anxiety, uncertainty, fear and flight, silli- ness, yes, and stupidity and recklessness, and senseless unreflection, immodesty, wantonness and lust, ill-will, inertia, inordinate desire, sloth, injustice, contumely and extravagance.

•

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

omnes tenerent mutuitanti credere.

amorem multos inlexe in dispendium ;

intemperantem, non modestum, iniurium

trahere, exhaurire me quod quirem ab se domo ;

ratione pessuma a me ea quae ipsus oj^tuma

omnis labores invenisset perferens,

in amoribus diffunditari ac didier.

convicium tot me annos iam se pascere ;

quod nisi puderet, ne luberet vivere. 60

sese extemplo ex ephebis postquam excesserit,

non, ut ego, amori neque desidiae in otio

operam dedisse, neque potestatem sibi

fuisse ; adeo arte cohibitum esse se a patre :

multo opere immundo rustico se exercitum,

neque nisi quinto anno quoque solitum ^ visere

urbem, atque extemplo inde, ut spectavisset

peplum, rus rusum confestim exigi solitum a patre. ibi multo primum sese familiarium laboravisse, quom haec pater sibi diceret : 70

" tibi aras, tibi occas, tibi seris, tibi idem metis, tibi denique iste pariet laetitiam labos." postquam recesset vita patrio corpore, agrum se vendidisse atque ea pecunia navem, metretas quae trecentas tolleret, parasse atque ea se mercis mercatum undique, adeo dum, quae turn haberet, peperisset bona ; me idem decere, si ut deceret me forem.

ego me ubi in visum meo patri esse intellego 80

' solitum Ritschl : j>ositum MSS,

MERCATOR

one was to trust me when I looked for loans. Love had lured many a man into extravagance, he would tell me ; but I was an intemperate, un- restrained, unprincipled waster, doing all I could to drain him dry ; and the good substance he had acquired by his own unsparing toil was being scattered and squandered by me in the vilest way, on my amours. To think that he had supported me all these years to be a scandal to him ! If I was not ashamed of such a life, I ought to end my life, and do it gladly. Why, here was he — he had not turned to love affairs and lolling about in idleness like me the moment he came of age, nor did he have a chance — so tightly was he held in check by his father. Work on the farm, dirty work and plenty of it, that was his training, and there was no visiting the city for him, except once every four years,^ and just as soon as he had set eyes on the sacred robe "^ his father used to pack him off post haste to the farm again. And there he was the best labourer of them all by far, and his father would say: "It is for yourself you plough, for yourself you harrow, for yourself you sow, yes, and for yourself you reap, and for your- self, finally, that labour will engender joy." After life had left his father's body, he had sold the farm and with the money bought a ship of fifteen tons burden and marketed his cargoes of mei'- chandise everywhere, till he had at length acquired the wealth which he then possessed. I ought to do the same, if I were what I ought to be.

As for me, when I realized that I was detestable

^ For the Panathenaic festival. ^ Presented to Athena.

II

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

atque odio me esse qiioi placere aequom fuit,

aniens amansque ut animum offirmo meum,

dico esse iturum me mercatum^ si velit :

amorem missum facere me, dum illi obsequar.

agit gratias mi atque ingenium adlaudat meum ;

sed mea promissa non neglexit persequi.

aedificat navem cercurum et mercis emit,

parata navi imponit, praeterea mihi

talentum argenti ipsus sua adnumerat manu ;

servom una mittit, qui olim puero parvolo 90

mihi paedagogus fuerat, quasi uti mihi foret

custos. his sic confectis navem solvimus.

Rhodum venimus, ubi quas merces vexeram omnis ut volui vendidi ex sententia. hicrum ingens facio praeterquam mihi meus

pater dedit aestimatas merces : ita peculium conficio grande. sed dum in portu illi ambulo, hospes me quidam adgnovit, ad cenam vocat. venio, decumbo acceptus hilare atque ampliter. discubitum noctu ut imus, ecce ad me advenit IOC

mulier, qua mulier alia nullast pulchrior ; ea nocte mecum ilia hospitis iussu fuit. vosmet videte quam mihi valde placuerit : postridie hospitem adeo, oro ut vendat mihi, dico eius pro meritis gratum me et munem fore.

quid verbis opus est ? emi, atque advexi heri. eam me advexisse nolo resciscat pater, modo eam reliqui ad portum in navi et servolum.

12

MERCATOR

to my own father and disgusting to the man I should dehght, lovesick lunatic though I was, I summoned my resolution and declared that 1 would go on a trading trip, if he so desired : my love should be put aside if only I could please him. He thanked me and be-lauded my good intentions ; but he did not fail to follow up my promises. He built a small Cyprian bark, bought merchandise, loaded the now completed vessel, and furthermore counted me out two hundred pounds with his own hand. A slave who had been my attendant in time past, when I was a tiny lad, he sent along with me as a sort of guardian. These preparations made, we weighed anchor.

We arrived at Rhodes, where I sold my whole cargo quite to my satisfaction. I made a big profit over and above the price my father set for me on the merchandise ; so I cleared a good bit of pocket-money for myself. But while I was strolling about the port there, an old friend of oui's recognized me and invited me to dinner. I went, and met with a jovial and lavish welcome at his table. On our going to bed at night, lo and behold ! a gii-1 came to me, an unsurpassed beauty of a girl I That night she spent with me by order of my host. See for yourselves how completely she charmed me : the next day I went to my host and begged him to sell her to me, saying I should be grateful and deeply obliged for the favour.

To come to an end — I did buy her, and brought her here yesterday. But I don't want my father to find out I have brought her. I just now left her at the harbour on board the ship, along with

13

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

sed quid currentem servom a portu conspicor, quern navi abire vetui ? timeo quid siet.

n. Ex sunimis opibus viribusque usque experire,

nitere, erus ut minor opera tua servetur : agedum,

Acanthio, abige abs te lassitudinem, cave pigritiae prae-

verteris. simul enicat suspiritus (vix sufFero hercle anhe-

litum), simul autem plenis semitis qui adversum eunt :

aspellito, detrude, deturba in viam. haec disciplina hie

pessumast : currenti properanti baud quisquam dignum habet

decedere. ita tres simitu res agendae sunt, quando unam

occeperis : et currendum et pugnandum et autem iurigandum

est in via. ir. Quid illuc est quod ille tarn expedite exquirit

cursuram sibi ? curaest, negoti quid sit aut quid nuntiet. !». Nugas ago.

quam restito, tarn maxime res in periclo vortitur. ir. Mali nescio quid nuntiat.

in. Genua hunc cursorem deserunt ;

perii, seditionem facit lien, occupat praecordia,

14

MERCATOR

my servant, {looking down the street) But there lie is running up from the harbour, when I forbade him to leave the ship ! Why is that? I'm afraid of what it means ! (steps hack)

ENTER Acanihio in burlesque flurry and

EXHAUSTION.

(jiot seeing him) Put forth every . . . ounce of your . . . stamina and . . . strength, do your . . . utmost to save your young . . . master ! Come, come, Acanthio, fight . . . off your fatigue, don't succumb to . . . sloth ! Between shortness of . . . breath — Lord, Lord, I can hardly stand this . . . panting ! — and the people that butt into you on the crowded . . . walks, I've been killed . . . twice over I (staggering about wildly). Shove 'em away, thrust 'em aside, throw 'em . . . down in the street I What a . . . disgusting habit they do have here ! When a man's running ... in a hurry, not a . . . soul sees fit to make way for him ! So when you've begun on . . . one thing, you liave to do . . . three things all at the same . . . time — run and fight and wrangle, too, all the . . . way. (halts, completely fagged) (aside) Why is it he's so ready for a chance to run ? What does it mean .'' What's his news .'' It worries me !

This is useless ! The more I . . . dawdle, the more dangerous the situation . . . gets. It's some bad news or other he's bringing ! (making prodigious hut fruitless attempts to hurry) Ah, this runner's knees are . . . failing him ! Lord help me ! My . . . spleen's in revolt ; it's storm- ing my diaphragm ! Oh, Lord help me ! I {gasp-

15

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

peril, animam nequeo vertere, nimis nihili tibicen siem.^

numquam edepol onines balineae mi banc lassi- tudinem eximent.

domin an foris dicam esse erum Charinum ? ar. Ego animi pendeo.

quid illud sit negoti lubet scire, ex lioc metu ut eximar. •an. At etiam asto ? at etiam cesso foribus facere bisce assulas ?

aperite aliquis. ubi Charinus est erus ? domin est an foris ?

num quisquam adire ad ostium dignum arbitratur ? uir. Ecce me,

Acantbio, quem quaeris. ^aii, Nusquamst discipbna ignavior.

utr. Quae te malae res agitant ?

:an. Multae, ere, te atque me.

kar. Quid est negoti ? 7071. Periiraus.

kar. Principium id inimicis dato. can. At tibi sortito id optigit. kar. Loquere id negoti quidquid est. can. Placide, volo adquiescere.

tua causa rupi ramites,iam dudum sputo sanguinem. har. Resinam ex melle Aegy ptiam vorato, sal vom feceris.

^ Leo brackets following v., 126 : lar. At tu edepol sume laciniam atqm absterge sudorcm tibi.

i6

MERCATOR

itig) can't catch my bi*eath ! It's a . . . precious

poor flute-player I'd make ! ^ Oh, all the . . .

baths in the world will never rid me of this . . .

tired feeling. I^slruggles on a hit further) Is my

master, Charinus, at home or . . . out, I wonder?

(aside) I'm all in the dark. I'd like to know what

the trouble is, and get rid of this dread of mine.

But still . . . standing here .'' Still slow about

. . . staving this door to splinters .'' (drags himself

up to Demipho's house and knocks weakly) Open,

someone ! Where is my . . . master, Charinus .''

Is he home, or . . . out ? So no one thinks fit

to come to the door, eh ?

{stepping up) Here I am, Acanthio--the man you're

after.

{indignantly, not noticing him) Slacker discipline you

can't . . . find !

{7nore loudly) What the devil's troubling you ?

(turniiig) It is the very devil, sir, for you and . . .

me, both.

{frightened) What's the matter }

We're done for, sir !

{not liking the omei}) Keep that exordium for our

enemies I

But you are the man it's . . . destined for.

Do tell me what's up, whatever it is !

Gently, gently, sir, I want to . . . rest. I've

burst the blood-vessels of my . . . lungs for your

sake ; I've been spitting . . . blood this long

time.

{impatiently) Take a dose of Egyptian resin and

honey ; that'll cure you.

^ V. 126 : Char. Oh, heavens, man I Take the flap of your cloak and wipe your sweat off.

17

oL. in.

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

'1. At edepol tu calidam picem bibito, aegritudo

abscesserit. IIC

r. Hominem ego iracundiorem quam te novi neminem. •I. At ego maledicentiorem quam te novi neminem. r. Sin saluti quod tibi esse censeo, id consuadeo ? n. Apage istiusmodi salutem, cum cruciatu quae

advenit. r. Die mihi, an boni quid usquamst, quod quisquam uti possiet sine malo omni^aut ne laborem capias cum illo uti voles ? 1. Nescio ego istaec : philosophari numquam didici neque scio. ego bonunij malum quo accedit, mihi dari haud desidero. r. Cedo tuam mihi dexteram^ agedum, Acanthio. 'I. Em dabitur, tene.

r. Vin tu te mihi obsequentem esse an nevis ? n. Opera licet 15C

experiri, qui me rupi causa currendo tua, ut quae scirem scire actutum tibi liceret. r. Liberum

caput tibi faciam cis paucos mensis. n. Palpo percutis.

r. Egon ausim tibi usquam quicquam facinus falsum proloqui ? quin iam prius quam sum elocutus, scis si mentiri volo. '(. Ah,

lassitudinem hercle vei'ba tua mihi addunt, enicas.

i8

MERCATOR

{(I'lgri/) Yes, by gad, and you take a drink of hot

. . . pitch ; that'll drive away your doldrums.

[taken aback) A more touchy man than you I don't

know.

Well, a more abusive man than you I don't know.

For urging you to do a thing that I think will

cure you t

Be damned to cures of that sort — that come with

torture.

[soothinglif) Tell me this — is there such a thing as

weal unmixed with woe anywhere, for anyone to

enjoy, or can you hope to enjoy it without some^

trouble ?

[slill sulkij) I don't understand that stuff: I never

learned to philosophize, and I don't know how.

But weal with woe in it is a present I don't

hanker for.

(^pleadingly) Give me your hand, come, come,

Acanthio !

{proffering it, reluctantly) There! There you are,

take it !

{grasping it fervently) Are you willing to oblige me

or not ?

You can test that by experience, seeing I

ruptured myself with running, all for your sake,

so as to let you know at once what I know.

(after waiting vainly for the knoivledge to he imparled)

It's a free man I'll make you, inside of a few

months.

(still unappcased) Huh ! Patting my back !

Would I dare tell an untrutli to a man like you

under any circumstances ? Why, even before I've

spoken you know if I want to lie.

Bah I Your talk makes me wearier still, you'll be

the death of me !

19

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Sicine mi obsequens es ?

Quid vis faciam ?

Tun ? id quod volo. Quid id est igitur quod vis ?

Dicam. Dice.

At enim placide volo. Dormientis spectatores metuis ne ex somno excites ? 1 fiO Vae tibi.

Tibi equidem a portu adporto hoc —

Quid fers ? die mihi. Vim metum^ cruciatum curam, iurgiumque atque

inopiam. Perii, tu quidem thensaurum hue mi adportavisti

mali. nullus sum.

Immo es —

Seio iam, miserum dices tu. ;. Dixi ego tacens.

Quid istuc est mali ? !. Ne rogites, maxumum infortunium est.

ObsecrOj dissolve iam me ; nimis diu animi pendeo. (. Placide, multa exquircre etiam prius volo quam vapulem. Hercle vero vapulabis, nisi iam loquere aut hinc abis. I. Hoc sis vide, ut palpatur. nullust, quando occepit,

blandior. <: Obsecro hercle oroque ut istuc quid sit actutum

indices, 17C

MERCATOR

{ plaintiveli/) Is this the way you oblige me ?

(gruffly) What d'ye want me to do ?

(thnid) You? Why, what I want.

What is it you want, then ?

I'll tell you.

(more gruffly) Proceed, proceed !

\Vell, but do let's speak gently !

Are you afraid of rousing the audience from their

slumbers?

Be damned to you !

[vehementlij) To you, as a matter of fact, [more

calmly) I'm reporting this news from the port

{on edge) What are you bringing me ? Speak ! Violence and dread, anguish and apprehension, wrangling and want.

Lord help me ! Why, man, this is a perfect mine of trouble you've brought me ' I'm a ruin !

Oh, no, you're a [glowers)

Yes, yes, I know — a poor wretch, you're going to

say,

I said it — silently.

What is this trouble ?

Don't keep asking ; it's a horrible misfortune.

For Heaven's sake, do relieve me now ! I've been

hanging in suspense too long !

{^judicially) Gently, gently ! There are still many

things I wish to inquire into before the thrashing

I— get.

)iy gad, you shall be thrashed, I promise you, unless

you instantly speak out, or get out !

{pleasantly) Just see that ! How he does pat a

fellow ! None smoother, once he gets going 1

{pleadingly again) I beg and beseech you, do, do

let me know this minute what the trouble is,

TITUS MACCIUS FLAUTUS

quandoquidem mihi supplicandum servolo video meo. !. Tandem indignus videor?

Immo dignus.

Equidem credidi. Obsecro, mim navis periit? <. Salvast navis, ne time.

Quid alia armamenta? I. Salva et sana sunt.

Quin tu expedis quid siet quod me per urbem currens quaerebas modo, I. Tu quidem ex ore orationem mi eripis.

Taceo.

I. Tace. credo, si boni quid ad te nuntiem, instes acriter, qui nunc, quom malum audiendumst, flagitas me

ut eloquar. '•. Obsecro hercle te, istuc ut tu mihi malum facias

palam. >i. Eloquar, quandoquidem me oi'as. tuos pater — r. Quid mens pater ? 18(

<i. Tuam amicam — /•. Quid earn .''

II. Vidit.

;•. Vidit } vae misero mihi.^

qui potuit videre ? )i. Oculis.

/•. Quo pacto }

n. Hiantibus.

^ Leo brackets following v., 182 :

hoc quod te rogo responde. Acan. Quin tu, si quid vis, roga.

22 *

MERCATOR

seeing that I must turn suppliant to my own

slave !

{dangerously) So I seem quite unworthy of it, eh ?

[hnniedly) No, no, quite worthy !

Ah, so 1 supposed.

Tell me, tell me, the ship hasn't sunk ?

The ship is safe, never fear.

Well, and the tackle .'^

Safe and sound.

Why don't you explain what it is that set you

chasing me through the city at top speed just

now?

Why, you yourself take the words out of my

mouth.

I'll keep still.

Keep still, then. If it was good news I had, I

believe you would fairly fly at me, seeing how you

pester me to speak out when it's bad news you

must listen to.

For God's sake, let me know what your bad news

is?

Well, I'll out with it, since you're so insistent.

Your father

{in terror) What about my father?

Your sweetheart

What about her ?

He saw her.

He saw her? Oh Lord, I'm in for it I ^ How

could he see her?

With his eyes.

In what way, I mean ?

Opening 'em wide.

^ V. 182 : Answer me what I ask you. Acan. Well, ask if you want anything,

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

In hinc dierectus? nugare in re capital! mea. Qui, malum, ego nugor, si tibi quod me rogas

respondeo ? Certen vidit?

Tarn hercle certe quara ego te aut tu me vides. Vbi earn vidit ?

Intus intra navem, ut prope astitit ; et cum ea confabulatust.

Perdidisti me, pater. eho tu, eho tu, quin cavisti ne eam videret, verbero ? quin, sceleste, abstrudebas, ne eam conspiceret

pater ? Quia negotiosi eramus nos nostris negotiis : armamentis complicandis^ componendis studuimus. dum haec aguntur, lembo advehitur tuos pater

pauxillulo, neque quisquam hominem conspicatust, donee in

navem subit. Nequiquam, mare, subterf ugi a tuis tempestatibus : equidem me iam censebam esse in terra atque in

tuto loco, verum video med ad saxa ferri saevis fluctibus. loquere porro, quid sit actum.

Postquam aspexit mulierem, rogitare occepit cuia esset.

Quid respondit .''

Ilico occucurri atque interpello, matri te ancillam tuae emisse illam.

Visun est tibi credere id ?

Etiam rogas ? sed scelestus subigitare occepit.

lUamne, obsecro ? Mirum quin me subigitaret.

* Leo brackets following ct, 24

MERCATOR

Oh, damn you ! Quibbling when my life's at stake !

How am I quibbling, curse it, if I answer what you ask ?

He really saw her ?

Gad ! As really as I see you, or you me. Where did he see her?

There on board, as he stood near her ; and he talked with her, too.

Ah, father, you've finished me ! {to Acanlhio) But look here, you ! Look here, you ! Why didn't you take care he shouldn't see her, you whip- stock } Why didn't you hide her away, you villain, and keep her out of my father's sight ^

Because we were busy with our own business : we were intent on furling sail and getting things ship- shape. Meanwhile, up comes your father in a tiny cutter, and not a soul set eyes on him till he climbed aboard.

{tragically) In vain, oh sea, have I escaped thy temi)ests I Methought I now was surely safe on shore, only to find myself flung upon the rocks by the raging billows ! Go on, go on, tell what took place !

After he spied the girl, he began asking whose she was.

What did she answer }

I ran up at once and broke in on 'em, saying you had bought her as a maid for your mother. Did he seem to believe you ?

Of course he did ! But the blackguard began to pet!

For Heaven's sake ! Her } {snorting) Strange it wasn't me he petted !

25

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Edepol cor miseruin ineum, quod guttatim contal^escit, quasi in aquam indi-

deris salem. perii.

Em istuc unum verbum dixisti verissimum. stultitia istaec est.

Quid faciam ? credo, non credet pater, si illam matri meae me emisse dicam ; post autem

mihi scelus videtur, me parenti proloqui mendacium. neque ille credet, neque credibile est forma eximia

mulierem, earn me emisse ancillam matri.

Non taces, stultissime .^ credet hercle, nam credebat iam mihi.

Metuo miser, ne patrem prehendat, ut sit gesta res, suspicio. lioc quod te rogo responde quaeso.

Quaeso quid rogas ? Num esse amicam suspicari visus est.''

Non visus est. quin quicque ut dicebam mihi credebat.

Verum, ut tibi quidem visus est.

Non, sed credebat.

Vae mihi misero, nullus sum. sed quid ego hie in lamentando pereo, ad navem

non eo ? sequere.

Si istac ibis, commodum obviam venies patri ; postea aspiciet te timidum esse atque exanimatum:

ilico retinebit, rogitabit unde illam emeris, quanti

emeris : timidum temjjtabit te.

26

MERCATOll

Oh, Lord! My poor heart! It's melting away speck by speck, just as when you put salt in water ! I'm lost, lost !

(xcomful) There ! That's the truest thing you've said ! {pauses, then cheerfully) That's all foolish- ness.

{in despair) What shall I do ? I don't believe my father will believe me, if I say I bought her for my mother; besides, {virluouslij) I think it's wicked to tell a lie to my own parent. He won't believe it, and it can't be believed, that I bought such an exquisite creature to be my mother's maid. Do keep still, won't you, you idiot ? He'll believe you, Lord, yes ! Why, he has already believed me.

Oh dear! How I dread his coming to suspect the real situation ! Answer me this question, please, please !

What is your question, please, please.'' He didn't seem to suspect she was my mis- tress ?

He did not. W'hy, he believed each and every- thing I told him.

{unconvinced) That is, you thought he did. No, but he did.

Oh, Lord help me I It's all over ! But why am I wailing my life away here, and not going to the ship ? {to Acanlhio) Come along I {sets off dofvn the street)

If you go that way, you'll come plump and pat on your father. Then he'll observe that you're nervous and all upset: the next thing he'll detain you, demand where you bought her, how much you bought her for — cross-examine you while you're excited.

27

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

r. Hac ibo potius. iam censes patrem

abiisse a portu ? n. Quin ea ego hue praecucurri gratia,

ne te opprimeret imprudentem atque electaret. r. Ojitime.

ACTVS II I. Mil-is modis di ludos faciunt hominibus

mirisque exemplis somnia in somnis danunt. velut ego nocte hac quae praeteriit proxuma in somnis egi satis et fui homo exercitus. mercari visas mihi sum formosam capram ; ei ne noceret quam domi ante habui capram neu discordarent, si ambae in uno essent loco^ posterius quam mercatus fucram, visus sum in custodelam simiae concredere.

ea simia adeo post baud multo ad me venit, male mihi precatur et facit convicium : ait sese illius opera atque adventu caprae flagitium et damnum fecisse baud medioci-iter ; dicit capram, quam dederam servandam sibi, suae uxoris dotem ambedisse oppido, mi illud videri mirum, ut una illaec capra uxoris simiai dotem ambederit. instare factum simia, atque hoc denique respondet, ni properem illam ab sese abducere, ad me domum intro ad uxorem ducturum meam.

atque oppido hercle bene velle iUi visus sum, ast non habere cui commendarem capram ; 28

MERCATOR

{turning around) I'll go this way, instead. Do you suppose my father has left the harbour by now ? Why, I ran ahead here, I tell you, just so that he mightn't catch you unawares and worm the truth out of you. Good for you ! [exeunt.

ACT II

ENTER Demipho, perplexed.

The Gods do make sport of us mortals in amazing ways ! And amazing dreams they do send us in our sleep ! Myself, for instance, just this past night — how I was hustled and bustled in my sleep ! I seemed to have bought a beautiful she- goat. So that she might not be harmed by another she-goat I already had at home, and that they might not fall foul of each other if they were both in the same place, it seemed that after buying her I committed her to the care of a monkey.

Well, not long afterwards this monkey came over and heaped curses and abuse upon me : he said that, thanks to that she-goat and her arrival, he had let himself in for no end of disgrace and loss ; that she-goat I had, given him to keep for me, he maintained, had completely devoured his wife's dowry. It seemed to me amazing that that one she-goat should devour the dowry of a monkey's wife. But the monkey insisted she had, and this was his ultimatum — that unless I took her away from his house at once, he would take her into my own house to my wife.

And there I was, by Jove, seeming to have the tenderest sort of feeling for that she-goat, but without a soul to shelter her — which made my

29

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

quo magis quid facerem cura cruciabar miser.

interea ad me haedus visust adgredirier,

infit mihi praedicare, sese ab simia

capram abduxisse, et coepit inridere me ;

ego enim lugere atque abductam illam aegre pati,

hoc quam ad rem credam pertinere somnium, nequeo invenire ; nisi capram illam suspicor iam me invenisse quae sit aut quid voluerit. ad portum hinc abii mane cum luci simul ; postquam id quod volui transegi, atque ego con-

spicor navem ex Rhodo quast heri advectus filius ; conlibitumst illuc mihi nescio qui visere : inscendo in lembum atque ad navem devehor. atque ego illi aspicio forma eximia mulierem, flHus quam advexit meus matri ancillam suae, quam ego postquam aspexi, non ita amo ut sani

solent liomines, sed eodem pacto ut insani solent. amavi hercle equidem ego olim in adulescentia, verum ad hoc exemplum numquam, ut nunc

insanio. unum quidem hercle iam scio^ periisse me ; vosmet videte ceterum quanti siem.

nunc hoc profecto sic est : haec illast capra ; verum hercle simia ilia atque haedus mihi malum adportant, atque eos esse quos dicam hau scio. sed conticiscanij nam eccum it vicinus foras.

Profecto ego illunc hircum castrari volo, ruri qui vobis exhibet negotium.

30

MERCATOR

anguish, and anxiety as to what to do, all the greater, poor wretch ! Meanwhile a kid, so it seemed, came up to me with the announcement that he had taken that she-goat away from the monkey, and began to laugh at me — for I was weeping and wailing at her abduction.

Now what this dream portends, I can't discover, except that, as to that she-goat, I suspect, I've already discovered what she is, or signified. For I went down to tlie harbour this morning at day- break ; after transacting the business I had in hand I suddenly spied the ship that brought my son from Rhodes yesterday, and for some unknown reason took a notion to go and look it over. Clambering into a boat, I was carried to the ship. And then [rapturously) I beheld a girl, a perfect beauty of a girl, brought here by my son to be his mother's maid ! The minute I set eyes on her I fell in love — not as sane men do, but like a mad- man. Lord, Lord! I've been in love before, of course, when I was young, but never in any such mad way as this. Oh, Lord ! One thing I do know now at any rate — it's all over with me ! Oh well, see for yourselves what I am good for !

Now this is surely the way of it — the girl is that she-goat ; but that monkey and kid, by Jove, are bringing me trouble, and who to say they are I don't know. (Iiste7ung) But I must hush, for there's my neighbour' coming out!

I. ENTER Lysimachus from his house, followed

UY A SLAVE.

{to slave) As for that he-goat that's such a nuisance to you on the farm, I want him gelded, by all means.

31

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Nee omen illud mihi nee auspieium placet, quasi hircum inetiio ne uxor me castret mea.^ I tu hinc ad villam atque istos rastros vilico Pisto ipsi facJto coram ut tradas in manum. uxori facito ut nunties, negotium mihi esse in urbe, ne me exspectet ; nam mihi tris hodie litis iudicandas dicito. ei, et hoc memento dicere.

Numquid amplius ? Tantumst.

Lysimache, salve.

Euge, Demipho, salveto. quidagis.^ quid fit?

Quod miserrumus. Di melius faxint.

Di hoc quidem faciunt.

Quid est ? Dicam, si videam tibi esse operam aut otium. Quamquam negotiumst, si quid vis^ Demipho, non sum occupatus umquam amico operam dare, lienignitatem tuam mi experto praedicas. quid tibi ego aetatis videor?

Acherunticus, senex vetus^ decrepitus.

Pervorse vides. puer sum, Lysimache, septuennis.

Sanun es, qui puerum te esse dicas ?

Vera praedico.

^ Leo brackets following v. , 276 :

atque illius haec nunc simiae partis fcrat.

32

MERCATOR

{starting) That's no omen, that's no augury I like ! I'm afraid my wife will treat me as if I were the goat ! ^

You be off to the villa now, and mind you hand over those mattocks to bailiff Pistus in person. And notify my wife, mind, that 1 have business in the city and she's not to expect me ; for I have three cases coming on to-day, tell her. Be off, and remember to tell her this. (turning to go) Nothing further, sir ? That is all. [exit slave.

(approachitig) Good day, Lysimachus. {pleased) Aha ! Demipho ! Good day to you ! How are you .'' How goes it } {gloomy) Miserably as can be ! God forbid !

But it's just what He does bid ! What's wrong?

I would tell you, if you seemed to have time to attend.

Busy though I am, Demipho, if you want anything, I am never too much occupied to oblige a friend. {heartily) Yes, yes, I have tested that kindliness of yours, (pauses, then sprightfully) How old do you think I look ?

{dispassiofiately) Ripe for Hades, an ancient, time- worn and decrepit.

{somewhat crestfallen, then briskly) What awful eyesight ! I'm a boy, Lysimachus, a seven year old boy !

Are you daft, calling yourself a boy ? It's the truth.

^ V. 276 : And play the part of that monkey herself now.

33

VOL. HI. D

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

'1JS. Modo hercle in mentem venit, quid tu diceres :

senex quom extemplo est, iam nee sentit nee sapit, aiunt solere eum rusum repuerascere. )em. Immo bis tanto valeo quam valui prius. ^ys. Bene hercle factum, et gaudeo. Ot'w?. Immo si scias,

oculis quoque etiam plus iam video quam prius. Lys. Benest.

Malae rei dico.

Iam istuc non benest. Sed ausimne ego tibi eloqui fideliter ? Audacter.

Animum advorte.

Fiet sedulo. Hodie ire in ludum occepi litterarium, Lysimache. ternas scio iam.

Quid ternas .''

Amo. Tun capite cano amas, senex nequissime } Si canum seu istuc rutilum sive atrumst, amo. Ludificas nunc tu me hie, opinor, Demipho. Decide collum stanti, si falsum loquor; vel, ut scias me amare, cape cultrum ac seca digitum vel aurem vel tu nasum vel labrum : si movero me seu secari sensero, Lysimache, auctor sum ut me amando enices. Si umquam vidistis pictum amatorem, em illic est. nam meo quidem animo vetulus decrepitus senex

34

MERCATOR

{after a moment's consideration) By Jove ! It lias

just come to me what you mean : once a man

gets old and reaches the senseless, witless stage,

they do say he's apt to have a second childhood.

Why, but I'm twice as vigorous as I was before.

(sceptically) Well, well, congratulations ! Glad to

hear it !

Why, but if you only knew — I even use my eyes

better than before, too.

Good !

For something naughty, I inean.

That's not so good, then.

But am 1 safe in talking to you confidentially ?

Quite safe.

Your attention, then.

My very best.

{hesitates, then ever so archbj) I've begun to go to

school to-day, Lysimachus. I know five letters

already.

Eh } Five letters ?

I L-O-V-E.

{surveying him unsympathetically) You in love, you,

with that hoary head, you poor old good for

nothing ?

(/irmly) Hoary or ruddy or black, I am in love.

Oh, really now, Demipho, you must be joking me !

(vehemently) Decapitate me where I stand, if I'm

lying, or for that matter, just to show you I am

in love, take a knife and cut off my finger or ear

or nose or lip : if I budge, if I seem conscious of

being cut, Lysimachus, I give you leave to (tittering)

love me to death !

(to audience, contemptuously^ If you ever saw a

picture of a lover, well, {pointing at Demipho) there

one is ! For to my way of thinking, a decrepit old

35 D 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

tantidenist quasi sit signum pictuni in [)ariete. Nunc tu me, credo,K;astigare cogitas. Egon te ?

Nihil est iam quod tu mihi suscenseas : fecere tale ante alii spectati viri. humanum amarest, humanum autem ignoscerest : ne sis me obiurga, hoc non voluntas me impulit. Quin non obiurgo.

At ne deteriorem tamen hoc facto ducas.

Egon te ? ah, ne di siverint. Vide sis modo etiam.

Visumst.

Certen ?

Perdis me, hie homo ex amore insanit. numquid vis?

Vale. Ad portum propero, nam ibi mihi negotium est. Bene ambulato.

Bene vale.

Bene sit tibi. quin mihi quoque etiamst ad portum negotium. nunc adeo ibo illuc, sed optume gnatum meum video eccum. opperiar hominem. hoc nunc mihi

viso opust, huic persuadere quo modo potis siem, ut illam vendat neve det matri suae ; nam ei dono advexe audivi. sed praecauto opust, ne hie illam me animum adiecisse aliqua sentiat. 36

MERCATOR

dotard is just about as much use as a picture

painted on a wall.

Now you're thinking to rebuke me^ I take it,

(sarcastic) I rebuke you ?

You have no reason to get angry at me for this:

other distinguished men have done the same thing

before now. To love is human ; to be indulgent

is human, too. Please don't lecture me ; I was

forced into this through no w^ill of mine.

Oh, I'm not lecturing you.

Well, but don't think any the less of me for it.

(drill/) I think less of you } Dear, dear ! Tlje

Lord forbid !

(clutching his arm) Tell me again — do please see

you don't !

(wearily) It is seen to.

You're sure ?

(shaking him ojf) You'll be the death of me ! Why,

the man's crazed with love ! (turning to go)

Nothing else you want ?

Good-bye !

I'm in a hurry to get to the harbour, I've got

business there.

Have a good walk !

Good-bye, good luck to you ! [exit.

(calling after him) And to you, too ! (to himself,

merrily) As a matter of fact, I've got business at

the harbour, also. Yes indeed, and there I'll be

going now. (looks down the street) But there's my

son ! Splendid ! I'll wait for the lad. Now I must

see to some way of persuading him to sell that

girl, and not give her to his mother ; for I heard

she was brought here as a gift for her. But I

must be on my guard against his suspecting,

somehow, that I've set my heart on her. (^withdraws)

37

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Homo me miserior nullust aeque, opinor, neque advorsa cui plura sint sempiterna ; satin quidquid est, quam rem agere occepi, proprium nequit inihi evenire quod cupio? itd mihi mala res aliqiia obicitur, bonum quae meum comprimit consilium, miser amicam mihi paravi, animi causa, pretio ^ eripui, ratus clam patrem me meum posse habere : is rescivit et vidit, et perdidit me ; neque is cum roget quid loquar cogitatumst, ita animi decem in pectore incerti certant. nee quid corde nunc consili capere possim scio, tantus cum cura meost error animo, dum servi mei perplacet mihi consilium, dum rursum haud placet nee pater potis videtur induci ut putet matri ancillam emjjtam esse illam. nunc si dico ut res est atque illam mihi me emisse indico, quern ad modum existumet me ? atque illam abstrahat, trans mare hinc venum

asportet ; scio saevos quam sit, domo doctus. igitur hocine est amare ? arare mavelim, quam sic amare. iam hinc olim invitum domo extrusit ab se, mercatum ire iussit : ibi hoc malum ego inveni. ubi voluptatem aegritudo vincat, quid ibi inest amoeni ? nequiquam abdidi, abscondidi, abstrusam habe-

bam : muscast mens 2)ater, nil potest clam ilium haberi,

^ Corrupt (Leo) : fort, adiedlvum laid Leo. 38

MERCATOR

3. ENTER CHARINUS, MUCH DEPRESSED.

(«o< seeing his J'at/ier) There's no more miserable man alive than I am, I do believe, or one with more things eternally going against him. Isn't it a fact that nothing that I've set about can turn out for me and stay as I long to have it ? Some confounded thing or other does always drop on me and botch my best laid plans ! Here I had got myself the mistress that suited me, poor devil, and carried her off for cash, thinking I could have her unbeknown to my father. And now he has discovered it, and seen her, and done for me ! And I haven't thought what to say when he questions me, what with the ten minds inside me all in confusion and conflict ! What course to take now I can't conceive, I'm so worried and perplexed. At times my servant's plan suits me thoroughly ; then again it doesn't suit me, and it seems impossible my father can be induced to think that sucli a girl was bought to be my mother's maid.

But supposing now I tell him how it really is and announce that I bought her for myself, what would he think of me ? And as for her, why, he'd tear her away, transport her across the sea for sale ! I know how harsh lie is, and not from hearsay. So this is a lover's life ? (bitterly) I'd prefer a ploughman's life to such a lover's life as this ! He has already turned me out of his house once against my will, ordered me off on a trading trip. That's what got me into this mess ! For what pleasure is there in a thing that brings you more grief than gratification .'' It was all for nothing I kept her close, concealed, under cover : my father's a regular fly — you can't keep anything from him,

39

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

nee sacrum nee tarn profanum quiequam est, quin

ibi ilico adsit. nee, qui rebus nieis eonfidam mi ulla spes in corde certast. /. Quid illuc est quod solus secum fabulatur filius ?

soUicitus mihi nescio qua re videtur. r. Attatae,

meus pater hie quidem est quem video, ibo, adlo- quar. quid fit, pater ? /. Vnde incedis, quid festinas, gnate mi ? r. Recte, pater.

I. Ita volo, sed istuc quid est, tibi quod commutatust color ? numquid tibi dolet ? r. Nescio quid meo animost aegre, pater.

poste hac nocte non quievi satis mea ex sententia.^ 37' 1. ergo edepol palles. si sapias, eas ac decumbas

domi. ;•. Otium non est : mandatis rebus praevorti volo, 7. Cras agito, perendie agito.

r. Saepe ex te audivi, pater :

rei mandatae omnis sapientis primum praevorti decet. n. Age igitur ; nolo advorsari tuani advorsum sen-

tentiam. /■. Salvos sum, siquidem isti dicto solida et perpetuast

fides. n. Quid illuc est quod ille a me solus se in consilium sevocat 1: ^

^ Leo brackets following vv., 371-372 :

I. Per mare ut vectus, nunc oculi terram viirantiir tui.

I-. Magis opinor —

I. Id est ■profedo ; verum adutum dbscesserit.

^ Leo brackets following iam. 40

MERCATOR

there's not a corner sacred or profane but what he's in it instantly. And not a single sure hope have I of being able to trust my luck. {aside) What's the boy babbling about, all to himself? He seems worried over something or other.

(seeing him) Oh Lord ! There he is, there's my father ! (pauses) I'll up and speak to him. {advances, obviously embarrassed) How goes it, father }

(pleasantly) Where do you hail from ? Why so flustered, my lad } It's ... all right, father.

I hope so, but what does that change of colour mean ? You're not in pain .''

Somehow I . . . feel a bit . . . uncomfortable, father. And then . . . last night I didn't . . . rest as well as I could wish ! ^

Ah, yes, that explains your pallor. You would do well to go home and go to bed. I haven't time, sir : I have some commissions I want to attend to first. Oh, do it to-morrow, do it the day after ! (dutifully) But, father, I have often heard you say yourself that all sensible men should give a com- mission their very first attention. (gratified) Give it, then. I don't wish to run counter to your wishes

(to himself, turning away) I'm saved, if only that statement can be relied on fully and for ever ! (aside) What does he mean by summoning himself

^ vv. 371-372 : Dem. After your voyage the land seems strange to your eyes as yet.

I think rather

That must be it. But it will leave you shortly'.

41

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

non vereor ne illam me amare hie potuerit resci-

scere ; quippe haud etiam quicquam inepte feci, amantes

ut Solent. Res adhuc quidem hercle in tutost, nam hunc

nescire sat scio de ilia arnica ; quod si sciret, esset alia oratio. Quin ego hunc adgredior de ilia?

Quin ego hinc me .imolior? eo ego, ut quae mandata amicus amicis tradam.

Immo mane ; paucula etiam sciscitare prius volo.

Die quid velis. Vsquene valuisti ?

Perpetuo reete, dum quidem illic fui ; verum in portum hue ut sum advectus, nescio qui

animus mihi dolet. Nausea edepol factum credo ; verum actutum ab-

scesserit. sed quid ais ? ecquam tu advexti tuae matri ancil-

1am e Rhodo? Advexi.

Quid ? ea ut videtur mulier ?

Non edepol mala. Vt moratast ?

Nullam vidi melius mea sententia. Mihi quidem edepol visast, quom illam vidi.

Eho an vidisti, pater ? Vidi. verum non ex usu nostrost, neque adeo

])]aeet. Qui vero ?

Quia^ non nostra formam habet dignam domo. nihil opust nobis ancilla nisi quae texat, quae molat,

^ Corrupt (Leo); quia — quia Lindsay. 42

MERCATOR

into secret session ? There's no fear of his having found out that I love the girl ; for I really haven't done anything silly yet, the way lovers generally do. (aside) Everything's all right so far, anyhow, by gad, for I know well enough he doesn't know she's my mistress ! If he did know, he would use different language.

{aside) Why not approach him regarding the girl .^ {ai<ide) Why not get out of his way ? (aloud) I'll be oft", sir, so as to execute my friends' commissions as a friend should, (going)

No, no, wait ! There are still some small matters I Avant to ask about first.

(halting) Tell me what you want to know, sir. (awkwardly) Have you . . . been . . . well all along ?

Quite so, sir, all the time — that is, while I was thei-e ; but on reaching port here I've somehow felt out of sorts.

Oh, yes, from sea-sickness, no doubt ; however, it won't last long, (casually) But I say, did you bring some . . . maid for your mother from Rhodes } (choking) Yes, sir.

So ? And what do you think of her ? Why, really, sir, she is . . . not bad. (severely) And her character? I never saw a girl of better, sir, in my opinion. So it seemed to me, too, by Jove, when I saw her. (affecting surprise) Oho ! You saw her, father ? I saw her. But she won't do for us, she really isn't suitable. Indeed ? Why not ?

(somewhat at a loss) Because . . . well, because her looks are . . . out of keeping with our house- hold. We have no need of a maid except one to

43

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

lignum caedat, pensum faciat^ aedis verrat, vapulet, quae habeat cottidianum familiae coctum cil)um : horunc ilia nihilum quicquam facere poterit.

Admoduni. ea causa equidem illam emi, dono quam darem

niatri xneae. Ne duaSj neve te advexisse dixeris.

Di me adiuvant. Labefacto paulatim. varum quod praeterii dicere, neque ilia matrem satis honeste tuam sequi poterit

comes, neque sinam.

Qui vero?

Quia ilia forma matrem familias flagitium sit si sequatur ; quando incedat per

vias, contemplent, conspiciant omnes, nutent, nictent,

sibilent, vellicent, vocent, molesti sint ; occentent ostium: impleantur elegeorum meae fores carbonibus, atque, ut nunc sunt maledicentes homines, uxori

meae mihique obiectent lenocinium facere. nam quid

cost OJ)US ? Hercle qui tu recte dicis, et tibi adsentior. sed quid ilia nunc fiet?

Recte. ego emero matri tuae ancillam viraginem aliquam non malam, forma

mala, ut matrem addecet familias, aut Syram aut Aegyp-

tiam : ea molet, coquet, conficiet pensum, pinsetur

flagro, neque propter earn quicquam eveniet nostris fori-

bus flagiti.

44

MERCATOR

weave, to grind meal, to cut wood, to do her stint

of spinning, to sweep the house, to stand a beating,

to do the family cooking day in and day out.

Not a single one of these things can that gii"l do.

Quite right, sir. But you see this was the reason

I bought hei- — she's to be a personal px'esent for

my mother.

{/irmli/) Don't give her, and don't say you've

brought her.

(aside, delighted) The gods are with me !

(aside, delighted) I'm gradually making him waver!

(aloud) But I omitted to say — she's hardly the

proper sort of person to attend your mother, and

I can't permit it.

Indeed .'' Why not ?

Because it would breed scandal for such a beauty

to be the attendant of a wife and mother ; when

she passed through the streets all the men would

eye her, ogle her, nod and wink and whistle, pinch

her, accost her, annoy her ; they would serenade

the house and scrawl my doors black with their

love ditties. And worse still — people are so

slanderous nowadays — they would charge my wife

and me with pandering. Now where's the occasion

for this .''

(as though seeing a great light) By Jove, sir, you are

quite right, and I agree with you ! But what shall

be done with her now ?

(easily) That's all right. I'll buy your mother

some big lusty wench, a good one, though not

good looking, such as befits the mother of a family

— some Syrian or Egyptian. She shall grind meal,

cook, do her share of spinning, take her thrashings

— a maid like that will bring no disgrace to our

doors.

45

/

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

7Artr. Quid si igitur reddatur illi unde empta est ? De/M. Minime gentium.

^har. Dixit se redhibere, si non placeat. De/rt. Nihil istoc opust :

litigari nolo ego usquam, tuam autem accusari

fideni ; multo edepol si quid faciendumst facere damni

mavolo, quam oppvobi*amentum aut flagitiuni niuliebre ex-

ferri donio, me tibi illam posse opinor luculente vendere. ?Aflr. Dum quidem hercle ne minoris vendas quam ego

emi, pater. Dem. Tace modo : senex est quidam, qui illam mandavit mihi ut emerem aut ad istanc faciem. ^har. At mihi quidam adulescens, pater,

mandavit ad illam faciem^ ita ut illaec est, emerem sibi. D<??w. Viginti minis opinor posse me illam vendere. '2har. At ego si velim, iam dantur septem et viginti

minae. De/rt. At ego — '2har. Quin ego, inquam —

T)em. Ah, nescis quid dicturus sum, tace.

tris minas accudere etiam possum, ut triginta sient. ^har. Quo vortisti ? • Dem. X Ad ilium qui emit.

Char. Vbinamst is homo gentium ?

X)ein. Eccillum video, iubet quinque me addere etiam nunc minas. 46

MERCATOR

{after due reflection) How about returning my wench to the man I bought her of, then ? [hastily) Not for the world ! He agreed to take her backj if slie didn't suit. [ivith impressive dignity) There is no need of that : I want no dispute, no, no, nor to have your honour impugned. Good Lord ! I much prefer to incur a loss, if I must, than to face opprobrium and the disgrace t»f Ll^MjJUiify " u\nmm'K3ss^i:J {after cogiia- ' '^*' tion) And I do believe I can sell her for you at a " . ,' splendid figure.

{worried) Only . . . for heaven's sake, father . . . you mustn't . . . sell her for less than she cost me !

Hush, boy, hush ! {cojifidentiully) There's a certain old man who commissioned me to buy her — or a girl of her appearance.

{eagerbj) But, father, a certain young man com- missioned me to buy him a girl of precisely her appearance.

{momentotiJily) I believe I could sell her for eighty pounds I

{triumphantly) But if I wanted to, why, I'm already offered a hundred and eight !

But I

Why, I tell you, I

{peevishly) See here ! You don't know what I'm

going to say ! Do keep still ! I can {turning and

looking down the street) mint up twelve pounds

more and make it a hundred and twenty.

VV' hom are you turning to ?

To that buyer of mine.

{looking vainly) Where on earth is he ?

There he is I I see him ! He tells me to make

it twenty pounds more this very moment !

47

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

-Aar. Hercle illunc divi infelicent^ quisquis est.

^em. Ibidem milii

etiam nunc adnutat addam sex minas. 'Aar. Septem mihi.

)ew. Numquam edepol me vincet hodie. ^ha7: Commodis poscit, pater.

)e7«. Nequiquam poscit : ego habeo. ^har. At illic pollicitust prior.

)ew/. Nihili facio.

'ha?; Quinquaginta poscit.

^e7n. Non centum datur.

potine ut ne licitere advorsum mei animi sen- tentiam ?

maximam hercle habebis praedam : ita ille est, quoi emitur, senex ;

sanus non est ex amore illius. quod posces feres. 'har. Certe edepol adulescens ille, cui ego emo, efflictim perit

eius amore. )e7H. Multo hercle ille magis senex, si tu scias.

'har. Numquam edepol fuit neque fiet ille senex insanior

ex amore quam ille adulescens cui ego do hanc operam, pater. )e7n, Quiesce, inquam. istanc rem ego recte videro. 'har. Quid ais ?

^em. Quid est ?

'har. Non ego illam mancupio accepi, )e?«. Sed ille illam accipiet. sine.

'har. Non potes tu lege vendere illam. )em. Ego aliquid videro.

'har. Post autem communest ilia mihi cum alio, qui scio

quid sit ei animi, venirene earn velit an non velit?

48

MERCATOR

[aside) Oh, damn ! Heaven's curse on him, who- ever he is !

There ! There ! He nods again, I am to add twenty-four pounds more !

(loofdng animatedly in the opposite direction) And my man says twenty-eight ! By Jove, he'll never beat me, never ! It's good honest coin he offers, father ! It's no use his offering ! She's mine ! But his offer came first I I don't care !

He's offering two hundred pounds ! He won't get her for four hundred ! Can't you stop bidding against my earnest wishes ? Good heavens ! You'll make a tremendous haul ! Why, the old man I'm buying her for is fairly crazed with love of her I You'll get your own price.

But that young man I'm buying her for upon

my soul, he's simply distracted, dying for love of

her !

Lord, Lord, but that old man is much more so, if

you only knew !

But, father, I swear that old man never, never was

or will be more crazed from love than that young

man I'm doing this for !

Be quiet, I tell you ! I'll manage matters properly.

{after hard thinking) See here, father !

What is it ?

I didn't take her with legal rights.

But he'll take her. Never you mind.

You can't sell her lawfully.

{imtronbled) I'll find some way.

(desperate) Then, too, I own her in common with

another man ! How do I know how he feels,

whether he wants her to be sold or not ?

49

III. E

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Dem. Ego scio velle.

Char. At pol ego esse credo aliquem qui non vclit.

Dem. Quid id mea refert ?

Char. Quia illi suam i-em esse aequomst in manu.

Dem. Quid ais ?

Char. Communis milii ilia est cum illo : is hie nunc

non adest. Dem. Prius respondes quam rogo. Char. Prius tu emis quam vendo^ pater.

nescio, inquam, velit ille illam necne abalienarier. Dem. Quid? illi quoidam qui mandavit tibi si emetur, tum volet^

si ego emo illi qui mandavit^ tum ille nolet ? nihil agis.

numquam edepol quisquam illam habebit potius quam ille quem ego volo. Char. Certumnest ? Dem. Censen certum esse ? quin ad navem iam hinc eo,

ibi venibit. Char. Vin me tecum illo ire ?

T>em. Nolo.

Char. Non places.

Dem. Meliust te, quae sunt mandatae res tibi, praevortier. Char. Tu prohibes. Dem. At me incusato : te fecisse sedulo.

ad portuin ne bitas, dico iam tibi. "Char. Auscultabitur.

Dem. Ibo ad portum. ne hie resciscat, cauto opust : non ipse emam,

50

MERCATOR

Oil, I know he does.

{Jloundcr'mg) But I swear I . . . believe there's

some one who doesn't!

What does that matter to me ?

Because he ought to have control of his own

})roperty.

What do you say

(interntpling) I own her in common with him ; and

he isn't here now.

You answer before I ask !

And you buy before 1 sell, father! I don't know,

I tell you, whether or not he's willing to have her

disposed of.

What .'' Will he be Avilling, if she's bought for

that "certain man" who commissioned you to get

her, but unwilling, if I buy her for this man who

commissioned me ? Rubbish ! By the Lord,

never a soul shall have her in preference to the

man I want her for !

{slrugglbig with his emotions) Is that final, sir .''

Don't you take it for final ? Why, I'm going to

the ship this instant, and there she'll be sold.

Do you want me to go with you ?

I do not.

I don't like this, fatlier !

You had better give those commissions of yours

your first attention.

But you don't let me !

Well, lay the blame on me : say you did your best.

You're not to go to the harbour, now mark my

words.

You shall be obeyed, sir.

(aside) I'll be oft" to the harbour, myself. I must

take care he doesn't find out : I won't do the

buying in person, but leave it to my friend Lysi-

51

E 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

sed Lysimacho aniico mandabo. is se ad portum

dixerat ire diidum. me moror quom hie asto.

[. 4.

'har. Nullus sum, occidi.

Pentheum diripuisse aiunt Bacchas : nugas maximas

fuisse credoj praeut quo pacto ego divorsus dis- tralior.

cur ego vivo ? cur iion morior ? quid mihist in vita boni ?

certumst, ibo ad medicum atque ibi me toxico morti dabo,

quando id mi adimitur, qua causa vitam cupio vivere. ]ut. Mane, mane obsecro, Charine. 'har. Quis me revocat ?

]ut. Eutyclius,

tuos amicus et sodalis, simid vicinus proxumus. 'har. Non tu scis, quantum malarum rerum sustineam. ]ut. Scio ;

omnia ego istaec auscultavi ab ostio, omnem rem scio. 'har. Quid id est quod scis? ]ut. Tuos pater volt vendere —

'har. Omnem rem tenes.

Alt, Tuam amicam, 'har. Nimium multum scis.

]ut. Tuis ingratiis,

'har. Plurimum tu scis. sed qui scis esse amicam illam

meam } Alt. Tute heri ipsus mihi narrasti. 'har. Satin ut oblitus fui,

tibi me narravisse ? 'aU. Hau mirumst factum.

52

MERCATOR

machus. He said he was going to the harbour a while ago. But I'm wasting time standing here.

[exit. 4. {wildly) Oh, this is death, death 1 They say the Bacchantes tore Pentheus to pieces ! Ah, I do believe that was the merest nothing compared with the way I'm rent and riven ! VVhat have I to live for ? Why not die ? What joy is left in life for me ? (pauses, then siiper-iragicalhj) I will, I will ! I'll to a doctor's and end it all with poison, now that I'm bereft of that which makes me long to live ! (strides off)

ENTER EuflJcIlUS FROM Lljsinuichus' S HOUSE.

Wait, Charinus, for heaven's sake, wait ! (liilhout looking) Who calls me back ? Eutychus, your fiiend, your chum, yes, and your next-door neighbour !

(turning, still tragic) Ah, you know not what a flood of evils is upon me I

Yes I do ; I overheard everything from the door- way, I know about it all. Wliat is it that you know ?

Your father wants to sell

You know it all !

jour mistress

(startled) You know too much !

against your will.

You know everything I But how know you that

she is my mistress ?

You told me about her yesterday, yourself.

(vacantly) Can it be I have forgotten that I told

you?

That's nothing remarkable.

53

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

lar. Te nunc consulo.

responde : quo leto censes me ut peream potis- simum ? d. Non taces ? cave tu istuc dixis. lar. Quid vis me igitur dicere ?

//. Vin patri sublinere pulchre me os tuo ? lar. Sane volo.

it. Visne earn ad portum — lar. Qui potius quam voles ?

it. Atque eximam

mulierem pretio ? lar. Qui potius quam auro expendas?

<it. Vnde erit ?

lar. Achillem orabo^ aurum ut mihi det^ Hector qui

expensus fuit. \it. Sanun es ?

har. Pol sanus si sim, non te medicum mi expetam.

\it. Tanti quanti poscit^ vin tanti illam emi ? har. Auctarium 4

adicito vel mille nummum plus quam poscet. lit. lam tace.

sed quid ais ? unde erit argentum quod des^ quom poscet pater ? har. Invenietur, exquiretur, aliquid fiet ; enicas. ut. lam istuc "aliquid fiet" metuo.

har.	Quin taces ?
ut.	Muto imperas.
har.	Satin istuc mandatumst ?
ut.	Potin ut aliud cures ?
har. lit.	Non potest, Bene vale.
	54

MERCATOR

(wore tragic) I wish tliy counsel now. Answer — by what death dost think I Imd best breathe my last ?

Oh, shut up, won't you ? Don't say a thing like

that !

What wouldst thou that I say, then ?

D'ye want me to bamboozle your father in fine

shape ?

{coming back to earth) Indeed I do !

D'ye want me to go to the harbour

Go ? Fly !

and get the girl away by paying down her

price ?

Her price ? Get her for her weight in gold I

Yes, but where's the gold ?

I'll beg Achilles for the gold weighed out against

the ransomed Hector !

(scrutinising him) Do you feel normal ?

Ah, me ! If I did feel normal, I should not come

to you for physic.

D'ye want me to buy her, no matter what he bids .''

Oh, raise his bid, raise his best bid a hundred

pounds !

Hush, man, hush ! But see here — where will you

get the money for payment when your father

demands it }

{hystericaUij) Somewhere — anywhere, something

shall be done ! Oh, you're killing me !

Look here, I'm afraid of that " something,"

Oh, can't you keep still .^

{patiently) Your mute to command, sir.

Is your commission clear ?

(con /i den til/') Think of something else, can't you .''

Impossible !

{turning to go) Good-bye, good-bye I

55

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

'2har. Non edepol possum prius quam tu ad me redieris.

Eat. Melius sanus sis,

Char. Vale, vince et me serva.

Kut. Ego fecero.

domi maneto me. Char. Ergo actutum face cum praeda recipias.

ACTVS III

Ltjs. Amice amico operam dedi : vicinus quod rogavit, hoc emi mercimonium. mea es tu, sequere sane, ne plora : nimis stulte facis, oculos corrumpis tales, quin tibi quidem quod rideas magis est, quam ut

lamentere, Amabo ecastor, mi senex, eloquere — •

Exquire quidvis. Cur emeris me.

Tene ego ? ut quod imperetur facias, item quod tu mihi si imperes, ego faciam.

Facere certumst pro copia et sapientia quae te velle arbitrabor. Laboriosi nil tibi quicquam operis imperabo. Namque edepol equidem, mi senex, non didici

baiolare nee pecua ruri pascere nee pueros nutricare. 56

MERCATOR

Oh, Lord, I can't feel good till you get back to

me

Better be reasonable.

Good-bye I Win the day, and save me !

Yes, yes, I will. Wait for me at home.

Well then, be sure you come back directly with

the booty I [exeunt.

ACT III

(^An hour has elapsed.^ ENTER Lysimachus, followed by Pasicompsa

IN TEARS.

(pleased with himself^ Well. I've done a friend a friendly turn — bought this piece of goods {indicat- ing Pasicompsa) as my neighbour suggested, [to Pasicompsa) You're mine, my girl, so come along. (ogling her appreciativebj) Don't weep : it's very silly of you to spoil such pretty eyes. Really now, you have more reason to laugh than to cry. Oh, you dear old gentleman, do be nice and tell

me

Ask anything you like.

why you bought me.

Why I bought you .'' Why, so as to have you

{amo7-ousli)) do what you're bid, just as I would do

your bidding.

(taking his hand, coyly) I'll certainly do what I

think you like, to the very best of my ability

and understanding, sir.

(smirking) I won't order you to do anything very

hard.

Goodness, no, you dear old thing ! For really, I

never learned to carry anything heavy, or feed

the flocks on a farm, or nurse children.

57

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Bona si esse vis, bene erit tibi.

Turn pol ego perii misera. 5 Qui?

Quia illim unde hue advecta sum, malls bene esse solitumst. Quasi dicas nullam mulierem bonam esse.

Haud equidem dico, nee mos meust ut praedicem quod ego omnis scire

credam. Oratio edepol pluris est huius quam quanti haec

emptast. rogare hoc unum te volo.

Roganti respondebo. Quid ais tu ? quid nomen tibi dicam esse ?

Pasicompsae. Ex forma nomen inditumst. sed quid ais, Pasi-

compsa ? possin tu, si usus venerit, subteuien tenue nere ? Possum.

Si tenue scis, scio te uberius posse nere. De lanificio neminem metuo, una aetate quae sit. 52 Bonam herc'.e te et frugi arbitror, matura iam^

inde aetate quom scis facei*e officium tuom, mulier.

Pol docta didici. operam accusari non sinam meam.

Em istaec hercle res est. ovem tibi eccillam dabo, natam annos sexaginta, peculiarem.

Mi senex, tani vetulam .''

Genei'is graecist ; earn si curabis, perbonast, tondetur nimium scite.

1 Corrupt (Leo) : matura tamen aetate Leo.

^ Pasicompsa ~ altogether charviing.

58

MERCATOR

If you'll be a good girl, you'll have a good time,

(/« feigned dismai/) Oh dear I Then there's no

hope for poor me at all !

How's that?

{(n-cJilij) Because where I was brouglit from it's

usually the naughty girls who have a good time.

That amounts to saying there's no such thing as a

good girl.

Oh, no indeed, I don't say that ; it's not my May

to announce a fact I think everyone's familiar with,

{aside, delightedly) By gad, it's worth more than

she cost just to hear her prattle ! (aloud) I want

to ask you this one thing.

If you ask, I'll answer.

Tell me — but what name shall I call you ?

Pasicompsa, sir.

{(ipprovinghi) Ah, a name given you for being so

lovely ! ^ But tell me, {lingeringly) Pasicompsa,

if need arose, could you weave a fine woof.''

I can, sir.

If you know how to weave a fine one, I know you

can weave a coarser one.

At weaving, I'm not afraid of anyone of my own age.

By Jove, you are a good girl, I do believe, and a

useful girl, and plenty old enough, seeing you

know how to do your duty, my lass.

Oh yes, sir, I've learned my lessons well. I w-on't

let anyone complain of my work.

Ah-h ! That's the way, by Jove ! Now look here,

I'll give you a {pointing to Demipko's house) sheep, ^^

a sheep sixty years old, for your very own.

As ancient as that, you dear old thing ?

Genuine Greek stock I If you take care of it,

it will prove a very fine one, and you can shear

it to perfection.

59

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Honoris causa quidquid est quod dabitur gratum

habebo. Nunc, mub'er, ne tu frustra sis, mea non es, ne

arbitrere. Die igitur quaeso, quoia sum ?

Tuo ero redempta es rursum ; ego te redemi, ille mecum oravit.

Animus rediit, 5

si mecum servatui* fides.

Bono animo es, liberabit ille te homo : ita edepol deperit, atque hodie

primum vidit. Ecastor iam bienniumst, quom mecum rem coepit. nunc, quando amicum te scio esse illius, indicabo. Quid ais tu ? iam bienniumst, quom tecum rem habet ?

Certo; et inter nos coniuravimus, ego cum illo et ille

mecum : ego cum viro et ille cum muliere, nisi cum illo aut

ille mecum, neuter stupri causa caput limaret.

Di immortales^ etiam cum uxore non cubet ?

Amabo, an maritust ? neque est neque erit.

Nolim quidem. homo hercle periuravit. Nullum adulescentem plus amo.

Puer est ille quidem, stulta. 5 nam illi quidem hau sane diust quom dentes

exciderunt. Quid dentes ?

Nihil est. sequere sis. hunc me diem unum oravit ut apud me praehiberem locum, ideo quia uxor rurist.

60

MERCATOR

I'll show my appreciation and be grateful for

anything that's given me, sir.

Now then, my gii-1, not to deceive you — you're

not mine, don't think you are.

Mercy me ! Whose am I, then ?

You've been bought again for your own master.

I did the buying, at his request.

(thinking he means Charinus) Oh, I'm alive once

more, if he keeps his word with me !

Cheer up ! He'll set you free, he will ! Why,

good Lord, he's dying for you, and to-day's the

first time he ever saw you !

Oh, sir, it's two years now since he began relations

with me. I'll let you into our secret, now that I

know you're a friend of his.

{(tslonished) What's that.'' Two years now he's

had relations with you ?

Why, yes. And we promised each other solemnly,

I him and he me, never to have a thing to do with

any man or woman except our own two selves.

Ye immortal gods ! Won't he sleep with his own

wife, even .''

{with a start) Oh, my dear man, he isn't married .''

{(lejiantly) He's not, and he won't be, either !

Well, I wish he weren't ! Lord, Lord, how he

did lie !

There's no young man alive that I love more.

{quizzically) He's a boy, a boy, silly ! Really, you

know, it's not long ago that his teeth dropped

out.

(vii/stijied) What's that about his teeth .''

Oh, nothing, {going totvards his house) This way,

please. He begged me to put you up for this

one day, my wife being in the country.

[exeunt.

6i

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

m. Tandem impetravi ut egomet me corrumperem : emptast arnica clam uxorem et clam filium. certumst^ antiqua recolam et servibo milii. decurso spatio breve quod vitae relicuomst voluptate^ vino et amore delectavero. nam hanc se bene habere aetatem niniiost aequius. adulescens quom sis, tiim quom est sanguis integer, rei tuae quaerundae convenit operam dare ; demum igitur quom sis iam genex, turn in otium te conloces, dum potes ames : id iam lucrumst quod vivis.

hoc ut dico, fixctis persequar. interea tamen hue intro ad me invisam domum : uxor m^e exspectat iam dudum esuriens domi. iam iurgio enicabit, si intro rediero. verum hercle postremo, utut est, non ibo tamen, sed hunc vicinum prius conveniam quam domum redeam ; ut mihi aedis aliquas conducat volo, ubi habitat istaec mulier. atque eccum it foras.

:. 3.

s. Adducam ego ilium iam ad te, si convenero.

7«. Me dicit.

s. Quid ais, Demipho ?

'm. Est mulier domi ?

s. Quid censes ?

•?«. Quid si visam ?

62

MERCATOR

le 2. ENTER Demipho ix high spirits.

At last I've claimed the privilege of going to the dogs I Here's a mistress bought, unbeknown to wife, unbeknown to son ! I'll take up my old ways again, I certainly will, and be good to myself. Only a short space of life is left me, I'll sweeten it with pleasure and wine and love. Why, my age is just the proper season to have my fling. When you're young and your blood's fresh, that's the time to settle down to making your fortune ; and then at last when you're old, why, that's the time to take your ease and enjoy your love affairs, while you can. For then each day of life is clear profit.

Now I propose to practise what I preach. Mean- while, however, I'll just look in at home here : my wife has been hungrily awaiting me there this long while, (rejlccling) Her tongue will do me to death in no time, once I'm back inside. {belligerently) But just the same, I tell you what,

by Jove, for all that I'm {iveakhj) not going

in. No, I'll see my neighbour here before I go back home ; I want him to hire some house for me, for that girl to live in. {a noise at Lysimachus s door) Aha ! There he is, coming out !

e 3. ENTER Lysimachus.

(Jo Pasicompsa wit/ii?i) I'll bring him to you directly, if I come across him. {aside) He means me.

{seeing him) I say, Demipho

{tempestuously) Is the girl inside there ?

{thoughtful) Well, what do you think .''

{blithely) What if I have a look .'' {lyinkes toward the

door)

63

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Quid properas? mane. Quid faciam ?

Quod opust facto facito ut cogites. Quid cogitem ? equidem liercle opus hoc facto

existimo, ut illo intro earn.

Itane vero, vervex ? intro eas ? Quid aliud faciam ?

Prius hoc ausculta, atque ades : prius etiamst, quod te facere ego aequom censeo. nam nunc si illuc intro ieris^ amplecti voles, 57

confabulari atque osculari.

Tu quidem meum animum gestas : scis quid acturus siem. Pervorse facies.

Quodne ames —

Tanto minus, ieiunitatis plenus, anima foetida, senex hircosus tu osculere mulierem ? iitine adveniens vomitum excutias mulieri ? scio pel te amare, quom istaec praemonstras milii. Quid si igitur unum faciam hoc ? si censes, coquom aliquem arripiamus, prandiura qui percoquat apud te hie usque ad vesperum.

Em istuc censeo. 55 nunc tu sapienter loquere atque amatorie. Quid stamus ? quin ergo imus atqiie obsonium curamus, pulchre ut simus ?

Equidem te sequor. atque hercle invenies tu locum illi, si sapis :

64

MERCATOR

What's your hurry ? Wait.

(/lalts) What shall I do ?

You would do well to consider what you ought

to do.

What is there to consider ? Lord^ man ! I certainly

take it that what I ought to do is to (a// a-quwei")

go inside there ! (inakes for door again)

(^scornfully) Do you, really? You old wether I

Go inside, eh ?

(halting again, puzzled) What else should I do?

Look here now and listen to me, first : there's

still something I think you should do first. W'hy,

if you go inside there now, you'll want to hug

and palaver and kiss.

(ecstatically) Well, if you haven't got my mind in

your body ! You know just what I intend to do !

You'll be doing the wrong thing.

{i>idignant) When you love a girl, can't you

AH the worse. Is a foul-breathed old goat like you to kiss a girl (emphatically) on an empty stomach ? D'ye want to turn lier stomach the moment you come near her ? Gad ! I see what a lover you are when you announce such intentions ! (crestfallen, then hopefully) Well, what if I attend to this then ? If you think best, let's capture some cook to cook us up a meal here at your house against the evening.

(his hopes realized) There I I do think that best. Now you're talking in a wise and loverly way. (impatient) Well, why stand here? Let's go, then, and see to our marketing, and make a beautiful day of it. (going)

Yes, yes, I'm with you ! (trying to catch up, and pulling at Demipho's cloak) And I say, you'll find quarters for her, if you're wise. I say, she can't

65

VOL. III. F

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

nullum hercle praeter hunc diem ilia apud med erit. metuo ego uxorem, eras si rure redierit ne illam hie ofFendat. em. Res parata est^ sequere me.

I. 4.

har. Sumne ego homo miser, qui nusquam bene queo

quiescere ? si domi sum, foris est animus, sin foris sum, animus

domist. ita mi in pectore atque in corde facit amor in-

cendium : I

ni ex oculis lacrumae defendant, iam ardeat credo

caput, spem teneo, salutem amisi ; redeat an non, nescio : si opprimit pater quod dixit, exsulatum abiit

salus ; sin sodalis quod promisit fecit, non abiit salus. sed tamen dem si podagrosis pedibus esset

Eutychus, iam a portu i*ediisse potuit. id illi vitium maxu-

mumst, quod nimis tardus est advorsum mei animi senten-

tiam. sed in est, quem currentem video? ipsus est. ibo

obviam. nunc, quod restat, ei disperii : voltus neutiquam

huius placet ; tristis incedit (pectus ardet, haereo), quassat caput. 6 Eutyche. d. Eu, Charine.

lar. Prius quam recipias anhelitum,

uno verbo eloquere : ubi ego sum } hicine an apud

mortuos ? 'it. Neque apud mortuos neque hie es.

66

MERCATOR

stay at my house a bit longer than to-day. I'm afraid of my wife's popping in on her, if she comes back from the country to-morrow. That's all arranged ! Come along ! [exeunt.

4. ENTER Charimis, much wrought up.

Oh, I'm miserable ! I can't be comfortable any- where ! If I'm at home, my thoughts are out ; and if I'm out, my thoughts are at home ! Such flames of love as my heart and breast are in ! If it weren't for the protection of my tears, I do believe my head would be ablaze by now. [sublimely) My hope is all I cling to; my life I've allowed to go — whether to return or no, I know not ! If my father crushes me by doing what he said, my life has left for exile ; but if my chum has fulfilled his promise, my life is left for me. {pauses, then petulatitly) But even if Eutychus had the gout, he could have got back from the harbour by this time. That's a terrible failing of his — being so awfully slow, in comparison with my heart's desire, {looking down the street) But is that he, that man I see running ? It is, it is ! I'll go meet him ! Oh, he's stopping ! Now I'm lost, lost ! I don't like that look of his at all ! That slow step ! That gloomy air ! Oh, my heart's on fire ! I'm caught ! He's shaking his head I {calling) Oh, Eutychus !

enter Eutychus.

{dejectedly) Oh, you Charinus !

(beside himself) Before you get your breath — just

one word, out Avith it ! Where am I ? Here, or

with the dead ?

Neither with the dead, nor here.

67 f2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

ar. Salvos sum, immortalitas

mihi data est : hie emit illam, pulchre os sublevit patri.

impetrabilior qui vivat null us est. dice, obsecro :

si iieque hie neque Acherunti sum, ubi sum ? t. Nusquam gentium.

ar. Disperii, illaec interemit me modo oratio. t. Odiosast oratio, cum rem agas longinquom loqui. ar. Quidquid est, ad capita rerum perveni. I. Primum omnium :

periimus. ar. Quin tu illud potius nuntias quod nescio? 6

t. Mulier alienata est abs te.

ar. Eutyche, capital facis.

/. Qui ?

ar. Quia aequalem et sodalem, liberum civem, enicas. /. Ne di sierint.

ar. Demisisti gladium in iugulum : iam cadam.

/. Quaeso hercle, animuni ne desponde. ar. Nullust quem despondeam.

loquere porro aliam malam rem. cui est empta ? '/. Nescio.

iam addicta atque abducta erat, quom ad portum venio. ar. Vae mihi,

mentis tu quidem mali in me ardentis iam dudum iacis.

68

MERCATOR

{wild with joy) 0\\, I'm saved ! Immortality is

mine ! He's bought her^ bamboozled my father

beautifully ! There's not a more efficient man

alive ! {noting Etdtjchus's iristfid expression) But

tell me, for heaven's sake — if I'm neither here,

nor in the world to come, where am I ?

Nowhere at all.

Oh, damnation ! Those words have killed me !

Too much talk in time of action does make words

wearisome.

Whatever it is, come to the main points !

First of all— we're done for.

{bitterly) Why don't you tell me some news I

don't know, instead ?

The girl has been taken away from you.

{tragic) Eutychus, you are committing a capital

crime !

Eh .- How so !

I am your comrade and your chum, a free boi'n

citizen, and now you murder me !

Heaven forbid !

You have thrust a sword into my throat ! Ere

long I'll fall!

Now, now, for heaven's sake, don't lose courage !

I have none to lose ! Tell me more, more of my

miserv ! For whom was she bouffht ?

I don't know. She had already been auctioned

off and taken away when I reached the harbour.

Oh my (jod ! Man, man, all this time you've

been hurling whole mountains of red-hot misery

69

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

perge, excrucia^ carnufex, quandoquidem occepisti

semel.^ Quid ego feci ?

Perdidisti me et fidem mecum tuani. Di sciunt culpam meam istanc non esse ullam.

Eugepae, deos absentis testis memoras : qui ego istuc

credam tibi ? Quia tibi in maiiu est quod credas, ego quod

dicam, id mi in manust. De istac re argutus es, ut par pari respondeas^ ad mandata claudus caecus mutus mancus debilis. promittebas te os sublinere meo patri : egomet

credidi homini docto rem mandare^ is lapidi mando maximo. Quid ego facerem ?

Quid tu faceres? men rogas? requireres, rogitares quis esset aut unde esset, qua prosapia, civisne esset an peregrinus,

Civem esse nibant Atticum. Vbi habitaret invenires saltern, si nomen nequis.

^ Leo brackets following vv., 619-824 :

Non tibi istuc magis dividiaest, qitam mihi hodiefait. Die, quis emit ?

Nescio herclc.

Em iitucinest opsram dare, bonnm sodahm ?

Quid mefacere vis?

Idem quod me vides, ut pereas. quin jjercontatu s, hominis quae fades for ct. qui illam emisset : eo si pacta posset iiidafjaricr mulier ? hen me misencm.

Flcre omitte, istuc quod nunc agis.

70

MERCATOR

upon nie I Go on, go on, rack me, torture me, now that you've once begun ! ^ I ? What have I done ?

You've destroyed me, and, with me, all my con- fidence in you !

God knows it's no fault of mine I (savagely) Bravo ! Calling God to witness, when He's not here I How can I believe your words ? Because your beliefs are in your own control, as my words are in mine.

You're ready enough in repartee, but in carrying out commissions you're a lame, blind, mute, maimed remnant of a man ! You promised to bamboozle my father — and I, I believed I had left the matter to an intelligent human being, only to find I left it to a great big block of stone I

( patiently) What could I do ?

What could you do? You ask me that? You could have investigated, inquired who he was or where he came from, who his family were, whether he was a citizen or an alien ! They said he was an Athenian citizen. You might at least have found out where he lived, if not his name.

1 vv. 619-624 :

I've been just as much harassed as you are by it, I

certainly have.

Tell me, who bought her ?

Upon my soul, I don't know.

Look at that ! Is that the way to help a good friend ?

What do you want me to do ?

The same thing jou see mo doing— die ! Why didn't you

ask what the man who bought her looked like, and see if

she could be traced that way ? Oh dear, oh dear !

Do stop crying — the one thing you do do at present !

71

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Nemo aiebat scire.

At saltern hominis faciem exquireres. Feci.

Qua forma esse aiebant igitur ?

Ego dicam tibi : canum, varum, ventriosum, bucculentum, brevi-

culum, subnigris oculis, oblongis malis, pansam aliquan-

tulum. Non hominem mihi, sed thensaurum nescio quem

memoras mali. numquid est quod dicas aliud de illo .''

Tantum, quod sciam. Edepol ne ille oblongis malis mihi dedit magnum

malum, non possum durare, certumst exulatum bine ire me. sed quam capiam civitatem, cogito, potissimum : Megares, Eretriam, Corintbum, Chalcidem, Cretam,

Cyprum, Sicyonem, Cnidum, Zacyntbum, Lesbiam, Boeo-

tiam. Cur istuc coeptas consilium ?

Quia enim me adflictat amor. Quid tu ais? quid cum illuc, quo nunc ire paritas,

veneris, si ibi amare forte occipias atque item eius sit

inopia, iam inde porro aufugies, deinde item illinc, si item

evenerit ? quis modus tibi exilio tandem eveniet, qui finis

fugae ? quae pati'ia aut domus tibi stabilis esse poterit?

die mibi. cedo, si hac urbe abis, amorem te hie relicturum

putas ?

72

MERCATOR

No one seemed to know.

But at least you might have inquired about his appearance ! I did.

Well, then, what did they say he looked like ?

I'll tell you — a gray-haired, knock-kneed, pot- bellied, big-mouthed, stubby fellow, with blackish eyes, lantern jaws, and feet a bit splayed. That's no description of a man, it's some collection of freaks ! Can't you tell me anything else about him ?

That's all, so far as I know.

Lord, Lord I He has done anything but light my life with his lantern jaws ! (in another tragic Jiight) Oh, I can't endure it ! My mind's made up, I'll hence into exile ! (pauses) But let me consider what country I had best choose — Megara . . . Ei'etria . . . Corinth . . . Chalcis . . . Crete . . . Cyprus . . . Sicyon . , . Cnidus . . . Zacynthus . . . Lesbos . . . Boeotia !

What makes you think of taking such a step as that ?

Ah, because I suffer so from love ! But see here ! When you reach the place you're about to go to, suppose love happens to overtake you there, and you still can't gratify it, will you then proceed to fly that place, too, and the next place as well, if the same thing happens again .'' Really now, what end will there be to your exile, what finish to your flight ? What land or home can you ever call your own? Answer me that. Look now, if you leave this city, do you think you'll leave your love behind you here } If you're

73

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

si id fore ita sat animo acceptum est, certum id,

pro eerto si babes, quanto te satiust rus aliquo abire, ibi esse, ibi vivere adeo dum illius te cupiditas atque amor missura

facit ? lam dixisti ? Dixi.

Frustra dixti. hoc mihi certissumumst. eo domum, patrem atque matrem ut meos sahitem,

postea clam patrem patria hac efFugiam, aut aliquid capiam

consili. Vt corripuit se repente atque abiit, heu misero

mihi, si ille abierit, mea factum omnes dicent esse

ignavia. certumst praeconum iubere iam quantum est con-

ducier, qui illam investigent, qui inveniant. post ad

praetorem ilico ibo, orabo, ut conquaestores det mi in vicis omnibus ; nam mihi nil relicti quicquam aliud iam esse

intellego.

ACTVS IV

Quoniam a viro ad me rus advenit nimtius, rus non iturum, feci ego ingenium meum, reveni, ut ilium persequar qui jne fugit. sed anum non video consequi nostram Syram, atque eccam incedit tandem, quin is ocius ?

74

MERCATOR

absolutely assured of this, sure, sure as a man can be, how much better for you to go off" into the country somewhere and stay there, live there, till your desire and love for this girl lose their grip on you ?

{grimly) Have you finished talking ? I have.

You have talked in vain. This is my fixed intention. I shall go home to pay my respects to my father and mother, and then without my father's knowledge I shall flee this country, or (darkly) settle upon some plan !

[exit precipitately into house. (looking after him) Well, that was a sudden start and exit ! This is awful ! Why, if he leaves home, everyone will say it came of my being such a slacker, {nfter a movienfs thottght) I'll do it, I'll hire all the public criers I can get to follow her up and find her ! Next I'll pounce on the praetor and beg him to furnish me officers to search every quarter of the city. Yes, yes, that's the only resource left me now, I see ! [exit.

ACT IV

enter Dorippa, irate.

Having got word at the farm from my husband that he didn't intend to go out there, I've acted upon my womanly instinct and come back, to pursue the man that flees me. [looking about) But I don't see our old Syra with me. Ah, there she comes at last, plodding along ! {sharply) Why don't you hurry up .^

75

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Nequeo mecastorj tantum hoc onerist quod fei'o. Quid oneris?

Annos octoginta et quattuor ; et eodem accedit servitus. sudor, sitis : simul haec quae porto deprimunt.

Aliquid cedo qui banc vicini nostri aram augeam. da sane hanc virgam lauri. abi tu intro.

Eo. Apollo, quaeso te, ut des pacem propitius, salutem et sanitatem nostrae familiae, meoque ut parcas gnato pace propitius. Disjjerii, perii misera, vae miserae mihi. Satin tu Sana es, obsecro ? quid eiulas ? Dorippa, mea Dorippa.

Quid clamas, obsecro ? Nescio quaest mulier intus hie in aedibus. Quid, mulier?

Mulier meretrix.

Veron serio ? Nimium scis sapere, ruri quae non nianseris. quamvis insipiens poterat persentiscere ^ illam esse amicam tui viri bellissumi.

^ Leo notes lacuna here, ilium non temere hie tnansmc, ecastor palamst Leo.

76

MERCATOR ENTER Syra laboriously, carrying a few

PARCELS.

Mercy me, ma'am, I can't, with all this load upon me. What load ?

My eighty years and four, ma'am ; with slavery, sweat, and thirst thrown in. These things I'm carrying weigh me down, too.

(^glancing at the altar in front of Demij)h6's house) Give me something for an offering on our neigh- bour's altar here, {as Syra fumbles at her parcels) Yes, yes, let me have this laurel branch, (takiny it) You go on in.

Yes, ma'am. [exit.

{at the altar) Apollo, I beseech thee, graciously grant thy favour, and safety and sound health, to our family, and may'st thou spare my son with thy gracious favour.

RE-ENTER Syra in consternation.

Oh, Lord, help us. Lord pity us I Oh, oh, this

is terrible !

For heaven's sake, are you in your senses ? What

are you shrieking about .f"

Oh, Dorippa, my poor Dorippa !

For heaven's sake, what are you howling about ?

There's some strange woman in the house here,

ma'am !

(startled) What .'' A woman ?

A hussy !

Really and truly ?

Ah, ma'am, you showed good sense in not staying

at the farm I Any fool could plainly perceive she's

the mistress of that charming husband of yours.

77

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

)r. Credo mecastor.

r. Ei hac mecum, ut videas semul

tuam Alcumenam paelicem, luno mea, )r. Ecastor vero istuc eo quantum potest.

Parumne est malai rei, quod amat Demipho, ni sumptuosus insuper etiam siet ? decern si vocasset summos ad cenam viros, nimium obsonavit. sed coquos, quasi in mari solet hortator remiges hortarier, ita hortabatur. egomet conduxi coquom. sed eum demiror non venire, ut iusseram. sed quinam hinc a nobis exit ? aperitur foris.

Miserior mulier me nee fiet, nee fuit,

tali viro quae nupserim. heu miserae mihi.

em quoi te et tua, quae tu habeas, commendes

viro, em quoi decem talenta dotis detuli, haec ut viderem, ut ferrem has contumeUas. Perii hercle, rure iam rediit uxor mea : vidisse credo mulierem in aedibus. sed quae loquatur exaudire hinc non queo, accedam propius.

Vae misei'ae mi.

Immo mihi. Disperii. 78

MERCATOR

My heavens, I do believe so !

(leading her toward the door) Just you come this way with me, so as to see your rival, Alcmena,^ for yourself, Juno mine !

Goodness me, indeed I will, just as fast as I can go !

[exeunt into house.

2. ENTER Lysimachus, out of temper.

Isn't it bad enough for Demipho to be in love, without his being so extravagant, to boot ? Why, if he'd invited a dozen dignitaries to dinner, the food he bought would be excessive. But the way he kept exhorting the cooks, just as a coxswain does his crew ! I hired a cook myself, {looking about) But I wonder why he doesn't come, as I told him. [listening) But who can that be coming out of our house ? The door's opening, [withdraws)

3. enter Dorippa much agitated.

Oh, there'll never be, never was, a more wretched woman than I am, to be married to such a man ! Oh, dear me, dear me ! Just see to what a husband you may entrust yourself and all you own I Just see to what a man I brought two thousand pounds in dowry, only to Avitness such sights, to suffer such insults !

(aside) Ye gods, I'm in for it! My wife's back from the farm already! I'll bet she saw that girl in the house ! But I can't catch what she says from here. I'll get closer, (does so) Oh, lieaven help me ! (aside, feelingly) No, no, me I I'm lost, lost !

^ One of Jove's mistresses.

79

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Equidem lievcle oppido peril miser, vidit. lit te omnes, Deniipho, di perduint. Pol hoc est, ire quod rus meus vir noluit. Quid nunc ego faciam nisi uti adeam atque

adloquar ? iubet salvere suos vir uxorem suam. urbani fiunt rustici ?

Pudicius faciunt, quam illi qui non fiunt rustici. Num quid delinquent rustici ?

Ecastor minus quam urbani, et multo minus mali quaerunt sibi. Quid autem urbani deliquerunt ? die mihi, cupio hercle scire.

Sed tu me temptas sciens. quoia ilia mulier intust ?

Vidistine earn ? Vidi.

Quoia ca sit rogitas ?

Resciscam tamen. Vin dicam quoiast ? ilia — ilia edepol — vae mihi, nescio quid dicam.

Haeres.

Haud vidi magis. Quin dicis ?

Quin si liceat —

Dictum ojiortuit. Non possum, ita instas ; urges quasi pro noxio, Scio, innoxiu's.

Audacter quam vis dicito.

80

MERCATOR

(aside) Oh Lord ! I'm the one that's lost and lost for good, confound it ! She has seen her. May all the powers above consume you, Demipho ! Yes, indeed ! This is the reason why my husband didn't want to go to the farm. (aside) What can I do now but step up and speak to her ? (approaching and addressing her with play- ful courtliness) Greetings from your husband to his wife, my dear ! Have our rustics become city folk ? (hotly) They act with more decency than those who have not become rustics. Our own rustics haven't misbehaved, have they ? Less than our city folk, mercy me, yes ! And they do much less looking for trouble ! Well, well, but how have the city folk misbe- haved? Tell me. By Jove, I'm eager to know. You're simply sounding me, and you know it. (viciously) Whose woman is that inside there ? (tentatively) You . . . saw her, eh ? I did.

And you . . . ask whose she is ? (turning away indignantly) I shall discover, just the same !

You want me to . . . say whose she is ? She . . . by Jove, she . . . (aside) Damnation ! I don't know what to say ! You're stuck !

(aside) I never saw a man more so ! Well, why don't you say ? Well, if 1 only had a chance — You should have said it already. (desperate) I can't, the way you keep at me ; you hound me as if I were guilty ! (ironically) Oh, of course, you're not guilty ! You can say that with absolute assurance.

8i

VOL. III. O

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

<r. Die igitur.

s. Dicam.

r. At qui dicundum est tamen.

s. Illast — etiam vis nomen dicam?

;•. Nihil agis.

nianufesto teneo in noxia. y. Qua noxia ?

ista quidem ilia est — r. Quae ilia est ?

y. Ilia—

;•. 1 Quoia east ? 7.

y. lam — si nihil usus esset/iam non dicerem. ?•. Non tu scis quae sit ilia ? y. Immo iam scio :

de istac sum index captus. r. Index ? iam scio :

nunc tu in consilium istam advocavisti tibi. s. Immo sic : sequestro mihi datast. r. Intellego.

,y. Nihil hercle istius quicquam est. ir. Numero purigas.

,y. Nimium negoti repperi. enim vero haereo. 7'

. 4.

c. Agite ite actutum, nam mi amatori seni

coquendast cena. atque, quom recogito,

nobis coquendastj non quoi conducti sumus.

nam qui amat quod amat si habet, id habet pro cibo :

videre, amplecti, osculari, alloqui ;

^ Quoia east Leo : lohia MSS. 82

MERCATOR

You say, then.

I will say.

But say it as it should be said, though.

She is . . . do you want her name, too ?

What trifling! I've caught you red-handed in

your guilt !

What guilt ? Really now, that girl is . . . the

girl that —

\Vliat girl ?

The girl . . .

Whose girl ?

[badly Jiustered) Now — {on a new tack) if it

weren't necessary, I shouldn't tell you at present.

You don't know who the girl is ?

{suddenly illumined) Oil yes, now I know : I was

made an arbitrator in her case.

An arbitrator ? (drily) Now I know, too : so

you've summoned her for a conference with you.

No, no, it's this way — she was left with me for

safe-keeping.

{wilheringly) I understand !

I swear it's nothing of that sort at all !

You absolve yourself too soon.

(aside) This is more than I can manage ! I am

stuck, to be sure !

e 4. ENTER A COOK, HIS ASSISTANTS FOLLOWING AT A DISTANCE AND STAGGERING UNDER BASKETS OF PROVISIONS.

{calling to assista/its) Come, step along, stir your- selves ! I've got to get up a dinner for an old gallant. On second thoughts, though, it's to be got up for ourselves, not for the chap that hired us. For if a lover has the girl he loves, he has his food — looking, caressing, kissing, chatting.

83 G 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

sed nos confido onustos redituros domum. ite hac. sed eccum qui nos conduxit senex. Ecce autem perii^ coquos adest.

Advenimus. Abi.

Quid, abeam ?

St, abi.

Abeam ?

Abi. Non estis cenaturi .''

lam saturi sumus. Sed—

Interii.

Quid ais tu ? etiamne haec illi tibi iusserunt ferri, quos inter iudex datu's ? Haecin tua est arnica, quam dudum mihi te amare dixti, quom obsonabas ?

Non taces i* Satis scitum filum mulieris. verum hercle anet. Abin dierectus ?

Haud malast.

At tu malu's. Scitam hercle opinor concubinam banc.

Non abis .'' non ego sum qui te dudum conduxi.

Quid est ? immo hercle tu istic ipsus. 84

MERCATOR

But as for us, I trust we'll go back home well

loaded. {ctpproaching Lysbnachus' s house) Come

on, this way. (seeing Lysbnachus) Aha, though !

There's the old fellow that hired us. {the assistants

trail in)

(seeing them) Damnation ! Will you look at that !

Here's the cook !

(cheerfully) We've got here, sir.

[in a low tone) Get out !

What ? Get out >

Sh-h ! Get out !

Get out }

Get out !

You're not to have a dinner.'*

We've had our fill already.

But—

Oh, this is dreadful !

See here, sir ! Is all this (indicating provisions)

brought you, too, by order of the [)arties you were

made arbitrator for ?

(to Lysimackus) Is this your lady friend you told

me you were in love with, a while ago when you

were marketing ?

[in agony) Shut up, can't you ? (Dorippa comes

closer)

A rather well-made wench, too ! (confidentially)

But, my word, she is annuating !

Get to the devil out of here, will you .f*

(soothingly) She's not bad.

But you are !

By gad, I'll bet she makes a fine bedfellow !

Oil, won't you get out .'' I'm not the man that

hired you a while ago !

Eh? What? Xone of that! By gad, you're the

one, all right.

85

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Vae misei'o mihi. Nempe uxor rurist tua^ quam dudum dixeras 76

te odisse aeqvie atque anguis.^

Egone istiic dixi tibi ? Mihi quidem hercle.

Ita me amabit luppiter, uxor, lit ego illiid numquam dixi.

Etiam negas ? palam istaec fiunt, te me odisse.

Quin nego. Non, non te odisse aibat, sed uxorem siiam ; et uxorem suam ruri esse aiebat.

Haec east, quid mihi molestu's .''

Quia novisse me negas ; -

nisi metuis tu istanc.

Sapio, nam mihi unicast. Vin me experiri ?

Nolo.

Mercedem cedo. Cras petito ; dabitur. nunc abi.

Heu miserae mihi. 77 Nunc ego verum illud verbum esse experior vetus : aliquid mali esse propter vicinum malum. Cur hie astamus ? quin abimus ? incommodi si quid tibi evenit, id non est culpa mea. Quin me eradicas miserum.

Scio iam quid velis; nempe me hinc abire vis.

^ Corrupt (Leo) : Lindsay brackets acqur. 86

MERCATOR

(aside) Oh, Lord help me !

{vety distinctly) Your wife's in the country, of

course ; I remember your saying a while ago you

hated her like a snake,

I ? I said that to you ?

Yes, to me, by gad.

{to Dorippa, solemnly) So help me Heaven, my

dear, I never said any such thing !

{icily) You really deny it? It's perfectly plain

that you do hate me.

I deny it, I tell you !

{to Dorippa in apparent guilelessness) No, no, ma'am,

he didn't say he hated 3'ou, but his wife ; and he

said she was in the country.

{desperately) This lady is my wife. What makes

you pester me .^

Because you deny knowing me — but perhaps

you're afraid of her.

{to Dorippa, pJacatingly) Which is wise of me, for

she's my one and only.

D'ye want to try me ?

{angrily) I do not !

Give me my pay.

Come for it to-morrow ; you'll get it. And now

get out !

{in tears) Oh dear me, dear me !

{aside) I'm proving the truth of that old proverb

now: "A bad neighbour brings bad luck."

{to attendants) Why stand here ? Come on, let's go.

{to Lysimachus, sweetly) If any harm has happened,

it's no fault of mine.

{forlor)i) Oh, damn it, man, you're eradicating

me I

{ingenuously) Now I know what you want : why, of

course, you want me to get out.

87

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Volo inquam.

Abibitur. drachmam dato.

Dabitur.

Dari ergo sis iube. dari potest interea dum illi j^onunt.

Quin abis ? potine ut molestus ne sis ?

Agite apponite obsonium istuc ante pedes illi seni. haec vasa aut mox aut eras iubebo abs te peti. sequimini —

Fortasse te ilium mirari coquonij quod venit atque haec attulit. dicam quid est. Non miror si quid damni facis aut flagiti. nee pol ego patiar^ sic me nuptam tam male measque in aedis sic scorta obductarier. Syra^ i, rogato meum patrem verbis meis, ut veniat ad me iam simul tecum.

Eo. Nescis negoti quod sit^ uxor, obsecro. conceptis verbis iam iusiurandum dabo, me numquam quicquam cum ilia — iamne abiit

Syra } perii hercle. ecce autem haec abiit. vae misero mihi.

88

MERCATOR

Indeed I do I _

Get out's the word. Tip me a shilling. ; (ivaiing him off) I will, I will.

Then kindly have it given me. It can be given me while they {Indicating altenda7its) ai'e putting down their baskets.

Get out, won't you ? Can't you stop pestering me ? {to attendants) Come on, put the provisions down there at the old chap's feet, {to Lysimachus) I'll send someone to fetch these dishes from you a a bit later, or to-morrow. {to attendants) Come along,

[exeunt, very cheerful. {after a painful silence) Perhaps you're . . . sur- prised at that . . . cook's coming with all this . , . stuff, I'll . . . tell you . . . how it is. No extravagance or enormity of yours, sir, sur- prises me. Good heavens ! I won't endure such a dreadful married life, and have sluts introduced into my own house in such a fashion ! {calling at the door) Syra ! Go to my father and ask him in my name to come to me with you at once,

ENTER Syra. Yes, ma'am,

EXIT, AS Lysimachus turns towards his wife. Oh, for heaven's sake, my dear ! You don't understand the situation ! I'll take oath in solemn terms this moment that she and I never had any- thing— {turning to co7ivi?ice Syra, also, oj' his candour) has Syra gone already ?

[exit Dorippa unperceived. Lord I Lord ! This is awful ! {turning back) Just look at that I Now she's gone, too ! Well, I'll be damned ! {shaking his fist at Demipho's

89

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

at te^ vicine, di deaeque perduint, cum tua arnica cumque amationibus. suspicione implevit me indignissime, concivit hostis domi : uxor acerrumast. ibo ad forum atque haec Demiphoni eloquar, me istanc capillo protracturum esse in viam^ nisi hinc abducit quo volt ex hisce aedibus. uxor, heus uxor, quamquam tu irata es mihi, iubeas, si sapias, haec intro auferrier : eadem licebit mox cenare rectius.

Era quo me misit, ad patrem, non est domi : rus abiisse aibant. nunc domum renuntio. Defessus sum urbem totam pervenarier : nihil investigo quicquam de ilia muliere, sed mater rure rediit, nam video Syram astare ante aedis. Syra.

Quis est qui me vocat ? Erus atque alumnus tuos sum.

Salve, alumne mi. lam mater rure rediit ? responde mihi. Sua quidem salute ac familiai maxuma. Quid istuc negotist ? 90

MERCATOR

house) But as for you^ neighbour^ may all the powers above consume and rot you, you and your mistress and your amours together ! The out- rageous way he has swamped me with suspicions, stirred up enemies in my own household ! [plain- tively) x\nd my wife makes such a ferocious enemy ! [after cogitation) I'll go to the forum and tell Demipho flat that I'll drag that girl into the street by the hair of her head, unless he takes her wher- ever he likes out of this house, [going, then noticing the provisions and calling at the door) Oh, my dear ! I say, my dear ! No matter if you are angry at me, you'd do well to have this stuff brought inside. We can use it bye-and-bye to improve our dinner.

[exit.

.5. ENTER Syra.

Where mistress sent me, to her father — he's not at home : they said he'd gone to the country. So now I'm back to tell her.

ENTER Eufl/chus.

I'm all tired out Avith searching the whole city ;

and not a single trace of that girl can I find.

[glancing towards his house) But my mother's back

from the country, for I see Syra standing in front

of the house, [calling) Syra !

[without looking) Who's calling me .^

The master that you nursed.

Oh, bless your heart, my dear child !

Is my mother back from the farm already .'' [as

Syra hesitates) Answer me.

[sigmficantly) And a very good thing for herself

and family that she is I

[noticing her manner) What's the trouble ?

91

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Tuos pater bellissumus amicam adduxit intro in aedis.

Quo modo ? Adveniens mater rure earn ofFendit domi. Pol haud censebam istarum esse operarum patrem. etiam nunc mulier intust ?

Etiam.

Sequere me.

Ecastor lege dura vivont mulieres

multoque iniquiore miserae quam viri.

nam si vir scortum duxit clam uxorem suam,

id si rescivit uxor^ impunest viro ;

uxor virum si clam domo egressa est foras^

viro fit causa^ exigitur matrimonio,

utinam lex esset eadem quae uxori est viro ;

nam uxor contenta est^ quae bona est^ uno viro :

qui minus vir una uxore contentus siet ?

ecastor faxim, si itidem plectantur viri^

si quis clam uxorem duxerit scortum suam,

ut illae exiguntur quae in se culpam commerent,

plures viri sint vidui quam nunc mulieres.

ACTVS V

ar. Limen superum inferumque, salve, simul autem vale : liunc hodie postremum extollo mea domo patria pedem.

92

MERCATOR

That most winsome father of yours has introduced his mistress into the house. {amascd) How's that ?

On arriving from the country your mother dis- covered her at home.

Good heavens ! I never supposed my father was that sort? Is the woman still inside? She is. [hurrying to the door) Come along !

[exit into house. 6.

My, my I Women do live under hard conditions, so much more unfair, poor things, than the men's. Why, if a husband has brought home some strumpet, unbeknown to his wife, and she finds it out, the husband goes scot free. But once a wife steps out of the house unbeknown to her husband, he has his grounds and she's divorced. Oh, I wish there was the same rule for the husband as for the wife ! Now a wife, a good wife, is content with just her husband ; why should a husband be less content with just his wife? Mercy me, if husbands, too, were taken to task for wenching on the sly, the same way as wanton wives are divorced, I warrant there'd be more lone men about than there now are women ! [exit into house.

ACT V.

enter Chaiinus from his father's house, in

TRAVELLING DRESS, WITH SWORD AND LUGGAGE.

{melodramatically, as he turns toward the house) Lintel and threshold, hail, aye, and likewise fare you well ! To-day for the last time do I lift this

93

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

usus, fructus, victus, cultus iam niihi liarunc aediuni intereinptust, interfectust, alienatust. occidi. di penates meum pai-entum, familial Lar pater, vobis mando, meum parentum rem bene ut

tutemini. ego mihi alios deos penatis persequar, alium Larem, aliam urbem, aliam civitatem : ab Atticis abhorreo ; nam ubi mores deteriores increbrescunt in dies, ubi qui amici, qui infideles sint nequeas pernoscere, ubique id eripiatur, animo tuo quod placeat

maxume, ibi quidem si regnum detur, non cupita est civitas.

Divom atque hominum quae spectatrix atque era

eadem es hominibus, spem speratam quom obtulisti banc mihi, tibi

grates ago. ecquisnam deus est, qui mea nunc laetus laetitia

fuat ? domi erat quod quaeritabam : sex sodales I'epperi, vitam, amicitiam, civitatem, laetitiam, ludum,

locum ; eorum inventu res simitu pessumas pessum dedi, Iram, Inimicltiam, maerorem, lacrumas, exillum,

Inopiam.^ date, di, quaeso convenlundl mi elus celerem copiam. Apparatus sum ut videtis : abiclo superblam ; egomet mihi comes, calator, equos, agaso, armiger, egomet sum mihi imperator, idem egomet mihi

oboedio,

1 Leo brackets following v., 849: solitudinem, stultitiavi, exithnn, pertinaciam.

94

MERCATOR

foot from my paternal home. The use and enjoy- ment, tlie sustenance and nurture of this roof are now cut off from me, estranged from me, killed for me ! I am dead, dead ! Ye Penates of my parents, father Lar of this abode, to you I commit the fortunes of my parents that ye guard them well. For myself other Penates, another Lar, another city, another country, will I seek : Athens I abhor ! Aye, for where vice grows more rampant day by day, where the friendly and the faithless are indistinguishable, where that which most delights your soul is ravished from you — there, even though a throne be offered me, I could never desire to dwell I

o

ENTER Eutychus, EXUBERANT, FROM HIS FATHEr's HOUSE.

{not seeing Charinus) Oh, thou who dost view both gods and men, yea, and dost dominate mankind, forasmuch as thou hast fulfilled the hope of my heart, I thank thee ! Ah, is there any god happy as I am happy now? That which I sought for was at home ! Six comrades have I found — life, friendship, country, joy, jubilation, and jollity ; and by finding them I have simultaneously banished the worst of banes — ire, enmity, griefj tears, exile and want.^ May God grant me a a speedy meeting with him !

{to audience) I am all equipped, as you see. My pride I abandon. I myself am my own attache and attendant, my own steed and groom and squire ; I myself am my own commanding officer, and likewise my own subaltern, and I myself am

^ V. 849 : Friendlessness, folly, ruin, and pertinacitj'.

95

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

egomet mihi fero quod usust. o Cupido, quantus es. nam tu qiiemvis confidentem facile tuis factis facis, eundem ex confidente actutum diffidentem denuo. Cogito quonam ego ilium curram quaeritatum,

Certa res me usque quaerere illam, quoquo hinc abductast

gentium ; neque mihi ulla obsistet amnis nee mons neque

adeo mare, nee calor nee frigus metuo neque ventum neque

grandinem ; imbrem perpetiar, laborem sufFeram, solem, sitim ; non concedam neque quiescam usquam noetu

neque dius prius profecto quam aut amicam aut mortem

investigavero, Nescio quoia vox ad aures mi advolavit.

Invoco vos. Lares viales, ut me bene tutetis,

luppiter^ estne illic Charinus ?

Gives, bene valete.

I lice sta, Charine.

Qui me revocat?

SpeSj Salus, Victoria. Quid me voltis ?

Ii*e tecum.

Alium comitem quaerite, non amittunt hi me comites qui tenent.

Qui sunt ei ? Cura, miseria, aegritudo, lacrumae, lamentatio. Repudia istos comites atque hoc respice et revortere. Siquidem mecum fabulari vis, subsequere.

Sta ilico.

96

MERCATOR

the porter of all I need. Ah, Cupid, how mighty is thy sway ! For by thy fiat thou dost easily fill whatsoever heart with hope, and instantly displace that hope with hopelessness anew ! I wonder where on earth to run and look for him. Resolved I am to keep on searching for her, what- ever be the land to which she has been taken hence. Neither river, nor mountain, no, nor sea, shall bar my way ; neither heat nor cold fear I, nor wind nor hail ; I'll brave the rains, I'll suffer toil and tropic sun and thirst ; I'll not give up or take repose in any spot by night or day, I swear it, before I've found my sweetheart or my death !

{still ecstatic) The sound of some voice hath flown unto my ears !

I call upon you. Lares of the roadsides, to keep me under your kindly care ! {seeing hivi) Great .lupiter ! Is that Charinus } {going) Fellow citizens, fare ye well ! {shouting) Stop where you are, Charinus. {without looking) Who calls me back } Hope, Salvation, Victory I {still without looking) What wish ye of me ? To go with you.

Seek ye another companion ; these companions, in whose grip I am, will not unhand me. Who are they }

Care, misery, tribulation, tears, laments. {enjoying the situation) Renounce such companions, regard me, and return !

{proceeding) If thou dost wish to parley with me, follow. Stop where you are !

97

VOL. III. H

Titus maccius plautus

Char. Male facis, properantem qui me commorare. sol

abit. Eul. Si hue item properes ut istuc properas, facias rectius : hue secundus ventus nune est ; cape modo

vorsoriam : hie favonius serenust, istic auster imbricus ; hie facit tranquillitatem, iste omnis fluctus conciet. recipe te ad terram^ Charine^ hue. nonne ex

advorso vides, nubis atra imberque ut instat ? aspice ad sinisteram, caelum ut est splendore plenum atque ut dei istuc vorti iubent ? Char. Religionem illic mi obiecit : recipiam me illuc. Eut. Sapis.

o Charine, conti'a pariter fer gradum et confer

pedem, porge bracchium.

Prehende. iam tenes ?

Teneo.

Tene. Quo nunc ibas ?

Exulatum.

Quid ibi faceres ?

Quod miser. Ne pave, restituam iam ego te in gaudio antiquo

ut sies. maxime quod vis audire, id audies, quod gaudeas.^ tuam amicam —

Quid eam .''

Vbi sit ego scio.

Tune, obsecro ?

^ Leo brackets following v., 887 : sta ilico, amicus advenio multum benevolens.

98

MERCATOR

{halting) Thou dost ill to delay nie when I am in

haste. The sun is setting.

You would do better to make the same haste in

this direction as you do in that. A fair wind

blows in this quarter now. Come, come I About

ship ! Here you have a clear western breeze,

there a rainy southern blast ; the one brings calm,

the other raises all the billows. Make for shore

here, Charinus ! Do you not see how on your bows

black clouds and rain storms lower .'' Cast your

eyes to larboard — see you not how the sky is all

aglow and Heaven bids you turn your course

thither ?

[half to himself) He has filled me with awe ! I'll

back ! [turns, falteringly)

You do wisely, (hurrying toward him) Ah, Charinus !

Come, do your part, come meet me, come this

way ! Stretch out your arm !

{tottering) Take it ! {faintly as Eutychus supports

him) Dost hold it now .''

I do.

Keep holding it !

Where were you going just now ?

Into exile.

To do what there ?

What a wretched man should do.

{cheerfully) Have no fear ; I'll soon restore you to

your former joy in life. You shall hear what you

most want to hear, what should make you happy .^

Your sweetheart —

{reviving rapidly) What of her ?

I know where she is.

You do ? You do .''

^ V. 887 : Stop where you are ! I come as a friend and am full of good will.

99 H 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Sanam et salvam.

Vbi earn salvam ?

Ego scio.

Ego me mavelim. Potin ut animo sis tranquillo ?

Quid si mi animus fluctuat ? 8 Ego istum in tranquillo quieto tuto sistam : ne

time. Obseero te^ loquere propere ubi sit, ubi eam

videris. quid taces ? die. enicas me miserum tua reticentia. Non longe hinc abest a nobis.

Quin ergo commostras, si vides .'• ^ Non video hercle nunc, sed vidi modo.

Quin ego videam facis? Faciam.

Longura istuc amantist.

Etiam metuis } omnia commonstrabo. amicior mihi nullus vivit atque

is est qui illam habet, neque est quoi magis me velle

melius aequom siet. Non euro istune, de ilia quaero.

De ilia ergo ego dico tibi. sane hoc non in mentem venit dudum, ut ubi sit

dicerem. 9

Die igitur, ubi ilia est ?

In nostris aedibus.

Aedis probas, si tu vera dicis ; pulchre aedificatas arbitro. sed qui ego istuc credam ? vidistin an de audito nuntias ?

' Corrupt (Leo) : ergo omitted by Guietus, followed by Lindsay.

MERCATOR

Safe and sound !

Safe ? Where ?

[teasingly) I know.

1 had rather know, myself!

Can't you be of calm mind ?

But what if my mind's in turmoil ?

I'll bring it where there's calm, restful and secure ;

never you fear.

For heaven's sake, hurry, tell me where she is,

where you saw her } Why are you dumb } Speak !

You'll be the death of me with your damnable

closeness !

She's not far away from us here, [looks down the

street)

[following his eyes) W'hy don't you point her out

to me, then, if you see her.''

By Jove, I don't see her now, but I did see her a

moment ago.

[a-quiver) Why don't you let me see her?

I will.

" Will " is a long, long time to a lover !

Still afraid.? Well, I'll tell you all about it.

[pauses, then douhlfnUy) I haven't a better friend

living than the man who has her, one who has a

better claim to my best wishes.

I don't care about him : it's about her I'm asking !

Well, then, it's about her I'm telling you. It

really didn't occur to me a while ago to tell you

where she was.

Tell me now, then I Where is she }

[after prolo/iging the suspense) In . . . our house.

[ecstatic) Oh, excellent house, if you speak true !

Exquisitely constructed, I consider ! But how can

I believe that ? Did you see her, or is your news

mere heai-say }

lOI

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Eut. Egomet vidi.

Char. Quis earn adduxit ad vos?

Eul. Vt inique rogas.

quid tua refert^ qui cum istac venevit ? Char. Dum istic siet.

vera dicis ? Exit. Nil, Charine, te quidem quicquam pudet ;

est profecto. Char. Opta ergo ob istunc nuntium quid vis tibi,

Eut. Quid si optabo ?

Char. Deos orato ut eius faciant copiam.

Eut. Derides. Char. Servata res est demum, si illam videro.

sed quin ornatum luinc reicio ? heus, aliquis actutum hue foras 9

exite illinc, pallium mi ecferte. Eut. Em, nunc tu niihi places.

Char. Optume advenis, puere, cape chlamydem atque istic sta ilico,

ut, si haec non sint vera, inceptum hoc itiner per- ficere exsequar. Eut. Non mihi credis ? Char. Omnia equidem credo quae dicis mihi.

sed quin intro ducis me ad earn, ut videam .'' Eut. Paulisper mane.

Char. Quid manebo ?

Eut. Tempus non est intro eundi.

Char. Enicas.

Eut. Non opus est, inquam, nunc intro te ire.

102

MERCATOR

I saw her, myself.

Who took her to your people ?

A very unfair question ! What does it matter to

you who came with her ?

Provided she's there ! {(mxiotisly) You're telling

the truth?

Charinus, you haven't the vestige of a sense of

shame. Of course she's there.

Then in return for this news, ask for anything you

like !

What if I do ask for it .''

{laughing hysterically) VVell, pray God you'll get it !

{tolerantly) Wag !

Only let me set eyes on her, and all's well ! But

I must get out of this rig ! {shouting at his door)

Hey, someone ! Come out here, quick, and bring

me a mantle ! {strips off his travelling coat)

There ! Now you suit me.

ENTER A SLAVE WITH MANTLE.

Just in time, my lad ! Here, catch this coat

{passing it over with his sword and luggage, and putting

on the mantle) and stay right where you are, so that

{glaring at Eutychus and relapsing into melodrama)

if this news be false, I may continue and complete

the journey I had begun !

You don't believe me ?

{suspiciously) I believe all you tell me, oh, of

course. But why don't you take me in to see her ?

(embarrassed) Do wait a little while.

Why wait ?

This isn't the right moment to go in.

You're killing me !

It's not advisable for you to go in just now, I tell

you.

J03

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Char. Responde mihi,

qua causa ? Eut. Operae non est.

Char. Cur ?

Eut. Quia non est illi commodum.

Char. Itane ? commodum illi non est, quae me amat, quam ego contra amo ? omnibus hie ludificatur me modis. ego stultior, 9^ qui isti credam. commoratur. chlamydem sumam

denuo. Mane parumper atque haec audi.

Cape sis, puere, hoc pallium. Mater irata est patri vehementer, quia scortum

sibi ob oculos adduxerit in aedis, dum ruri ipsa abest : suspicatur illam amicam esse illi.

Sonam sustuli. Eam rem nunc exquirit intus.

lam machaerast in manu. Nam si eo ted intro ducam —

Tollo ampullam atque hinc eo. Mane, mane, Charine.

Erras, me decipere haud potes. Neque edepol volo.

Quin tu ergo itiner exsequi meum me sinis .'' Non sino.

Egomet me moror. tu puere, abi hinc intro ocius. go

iam in currum escendi, iam lora in manus cepi meas.

104

MERCATOR

For what reason ? Answer me ! There's no time for it. Why ?

Because it's not convenient for her. (^indignant) So ? Not convenient for her — the girl that loves me, the girl that I love, too ? [pauses, then wildly, with a sly glance at Eutychus^ A pretty dance this fellow leads me ! The more fool I, to trust him ! (turning to the slave) He delays me ! I'll on with my cloak again ! {^removes his viantle).

Do wait a minute and listen to me ! Here, boy, kindly take this mantle ! (passes it over and dons his travelling cloalc)

My mother's in a terrible rage at my father for having brought a wench into the house right before her face, while she was in the country. She suspects her of being his mistress. [la/cing articles from slave, o?ie by one) Ah, my belt ! (puts it on).

And she's investigating tlie matter inside there now.

(growing wilder) Now I have my sword in hand ! {alarmed) You see, if I should take you in — Aha ! My flask ! And now I go ! (strides away) (running after him) Wait, Charinus, wait ! You miscalculate, you cannot deceive me ! Good heavens, no ! Nor do 1 want to ! Then why dost not permit me to continue on my journey }

(clutching him) I won't permit you ! I delay myself! (to slave) You, boy ! Inside with you, quick, be off! [exit Slave,

(tearing himself away , apparently frenzied) Now have I mounted my car ! Now have I reins in hand !

105

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Eut. Sanus non es.

Char. Quin, pedes, vos in curriculum conicitis

in Cyprum recta, quandoquidem pater mihi

exilium parat ? Eut. Stultus es, noli istuc quaeso dicere. Char. Certum exsequist,

operam ut sumam ad pervestigandum, ubi sit

illaec. Eut. Quin domist.

Char. Nam hie quod dixit, id mentitust. Eut. Vera dixi equidem tibi.

Char. lam Cyprum veni.

Eut. Quin sequere, ut illam videas quam expetis.

Char. Percontatus non inveni.

Eut. Matris iani iram neglego.

Char. Porro proficiscor quaesitum, nunc perveni Chal-

cidem ; video ibi hospitem Zacyntlio, dico quid eo adve-

nerim, rogito quis earn vexerit, quis habeat si ibi indau-

diverit. Eut. Quin tu istas omittis nugas ac mecum hue intro

ambulas ? Char. Hospes respondit, Zacynthi ficos fieri non malas. Eut. Nil mentitust. Char. Sed de arnica se indaudivisse autumat,

hie Athenis esse. Eut. Calchas iste quidem Zacynthiust.

Char. Navem conscendo, proficiscor ilico. iam sum

domi, iam redii ex exilio. salve, mi sodalis Eutyche :

' CJreek seer at the siege of Troy. io6

MERCATOR

{dislr acted) You're mad !

Feet, why fling ye not yourselves straight on the

course for Cyprus, forasmuch as my father doth

doom me to exile ?

You foolish fellow ! For mercy's sake, don't talk

like that !

I will ! ril carry on ! Fll undertake the task of

tracing her, where'er she be !

But she's at home !

For what this man hath said is but a lie !

Fve told you the truth, really I have !

Now am I come to Cyprus !

[succumlmig in his alarm for Charifius's sanity and

goi?tg towards his door) Come on, follow me, and

see the girl you're after !

{hiding a smile) I have asked for her, but found

her not !

ril disregard my mother's anger now !

ril pursue my search still further I Now have I

reached Chalcis I There I see a host of mine

from Zacynthus ; I tell him what has brought me

thither, and inquire if he has heard it rumoured

who carried her there and who possesses her.

{at his door) Why don't you drop that nonsense

and step inside with me ?

My host replies that at Zacynthus they grow figs,

not bad ones.

That's no lie.

But as for my sweetheart, he affirms that rumours

reached him that she is {winking covertly at the

audience) here in Athens !

That Zacynthian is a perfect Calchas.^

I embark, I set out forthwith ! Now I am at

home, now I have returned from exile ! {seizing

Eiitychus's hand) Well, well, Eut3xhus ! My dear

107

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

ut valuisti ? quid parentes mei ? valent mater

pater ? bene vocas, benigne dicis : eras apud te, nunc

domi. sic decet, sic fieri oportet.

^ Eia quae mi somnias ! hie homo non sanust.

Medicari amicus quin properas mihi ? Sequere sis.

Sequor.

Clementer quaeso^ calces deteris, audin tu ?

lam dudum audivi.

Pacem componi volo meo jiatri cum matre : nam nunc est irata —

I modo. Propter istanc.

I modo.

Ergo cura.

Quin tu ergo i modo. tam propitiam reddam, quam quom propitiast luno lovi.

V^ 3

Dein. Quasi tu numquam quicquam adsimile huius facti

feceris. Lys. Edepol numquam ; cavi ne quid facerem. vix vivo

miser, nam mea uxor propter illam tota in fermento

iacet. Dem. At ego expurigationem habebo, ut ne suscenseat. Lys. Sequere me. sed exeuntem filium video meum.

^ Eia quae mi somnias Ussing ; Eloqne ni somnias MSS. io8

MERCATOR

fellow ! How have you been ? What of my parents ? Are my mother and father well ? So good of you to mviteme! Much obliged ! To- morrow with youj to-day at home. That is the fit and proper programme. Dear, dear, what dreams ! The man is mad ! Then as a friend, why not hurry up and doctor me.''

{going inside) Just you follow me. [close after him) I will !

(stopping) Easy, for heaven's sake ! You're walk- ing on my heels ! {looks inside doubtfidly) Listen here, will you ?

{pus/ling him) I have listened, this long time ! {blocking the door) I want my father and mother to come to terms. You see, she's angry now — {still pushing) (xo along, go along ! — on account of that girl. Go along, go along ! Then you see to it !

Come there, you, go along, go along ! I'll make her as gracious to him as Juno is to Jove — when she is gracious.

[exeunt.

3. ENTER Demipho and Lysimachus.

Just as if you had never done anything like

this !

Never, by Jove ! I've taken care not to do a

thing. Damn it, man, I'm nearly dead ! Why,

my wife's in an awful stew on this girl's account !

But I'll exonerate you, myself, and calm her

down.

{going toward his house) Come on, then, {stopping,

as the door opens) But I see my son coming out !

109

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Ad patrem ibo, iit matris iram sibi esse sedatani

sciat. iam redeo.

Placet principium. quid agis ? quid fit, Eutyche ? Optima opportunitate ambo advenistis.

Quid rei est ? Vxor tibi plaeida et placatast. cette dextras

nunciam. Di me servant.

Tibi amicam esse nullam nuntio, Di te pei'dant. quid negotist nam, quaeso istue ?

Eloquar. animum advortite igitur ambo.

Quin tibi ambo operam damus. Qui bono sunt genera nati, si sunt ingenio malo, suapte culpa genera sapiunt, genus ingenio

improbant. Verum hie dicit.

Tibi ergo dicit.

Eo illud est verum magis. nam te istac aetate baud aequom filio fuerat tuo adulescenti amanti amicam eripere emptam argento

suo. Quid tu ais ? Charini amicast ilia ?

Vt dissimulat malus. lUe quidem illam sese ancillam matri emisse

dixerat. I ro

MERCATOR

4. ENTER Eutychis.

{to those within) I'll go find my father and let him

know that mother has cooled off and isn't angry

at him. I'll soon be back.

[aside) That preamble pleases me ! {aloud) What

are you doing .'' How goes it, Eutychus ?

{turning) Here's luck, to have the pair of you

appear ! ( steps up between them)

VVhat's the matter ?

{to his father, officially) Your wife, sir, is now

placid and placated. Your hands, sirs, at once !

{seizes them)

Heaven be praised !

{to Demipho) To you, sir, I announce that you

have no mistress.

{with a start) Heaven curse you ! Tell me what

the devil you mean by that !

I'll speak out, sirs. Attention, then, the two of

you !

Yes, yes, we're both at your service I

{magisterially) When men of good birth are of an

evil bent, though intelligent by birth, they nullify

their birth by their bent, and have only themselves

to blame for it.

That's true, what he says.

Well, you're the man he says it to.

{to Demipho) This makes it all the more true.

Why, the impropriety in a man of your age to'^

seize his son's sweetheart, when he's young, and

loves her, and had bought her with his own

money !

What's that ? She the sweetheart of Charinus ?

{to his father) How the villain dissembles !

But he said he had bought her as a maid for his

mother !

Ill

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Propterea igitur tu mercatu's, novos amator, vetus

puer ? Optume hercle^ perge tu, ego adsistam hinc altrin-

secus. quibus est dictis dignus, usque oneremus ambo.

Nullus sum. Filio suo qui innocenti fecit tantam iniuriam. Quem quidem hercle ego, in exilium cum iret,

redduxi domum ; nam ibat exulatum.

An abiit ?

Etiam loquere, larva ? temperare istac aetate istis decebat artibus, Fateor, deliqui profecto.

Etiam loquere, larua ? ^ itidem ut tempus anni, aetatem aliam aliud factum

condecet ; nam si istuc ius est, senecta aetate scortari senes, ubi locist res summa nostra publica ?

Ei, perii miser. Adulescentes rei agendae isti magis solent operam

dare, lam obsecro hercle vobis habete cum porcis, cum

fiscina. Redde illi.

Sibi habeat, iam ut volt per me sibi habeat licet. Temper! edepol, quoniam ut aliter facias non est

copia. Supplici sibi sumat quid volt ipse ob banc iniuriam, modo pacem faciatis ore, ut ne mihi iratus siet.

^ Leo brackets following v. , 983* :

vacuom esse istac ted aetata his decebat noxiis.

MERCATOR

So that was wliy you purchased her, young lover ?

Eh, old boy ?

[laughbig) A good point, by Jove ! Keep it up^

lad, I'll station myself on the other side of him !

{doing so) Let's both give him a good load of the

language he deserves !

{aside) It's all over with me !

To have done such an injury to his own innocent

son !

Heavens, yes ! and a son whom I brought back

liome when he was going into exile ! For that's

where he was bound !

{nnxiously) He hasn't gone?

Silence, you scarecrow ! A man of your years

ought to curb those tricks !

{hinnhly) I admit it, yes, yes, I did wrong I

Silence, you scarecrow ! ^ Men's seasons, like the

year's, should have their different uses ; why, if

that's the proper thing — for oldsters to occupy

their old age with affairs of gallantry — what'll

become of our affairs of state ?

Oh dear me ! This is awful !

That sort of thing is more commonly attended to

by the young fellows.

{desperate) Oh, now for God's sake, take her for

yourselves, litter, food-basket and all !

Give her back to him.

Let him have her, he can have her now to his

heart's content, for all I care !

Timely of you, I must say, now that you have no

chance to do otherwise.

He can punish me just as he pleases for this

injury, only do make my peace with him, I beg

^ V. 983a. : A man of your years ought to keep away from such vices.

III. I

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

si hercle scivissem sive adeo ioculo dixisset mihi, se illani amare, numquam facerem ut illam amanti

abducerem. Eutyche, ted oro, sodalis eius es^ serva et subveni : liunc senem para ^ clientem ; memorem dices benefici. Lys. Ora ut ignoscat delictis tuis atque adulescentiae. Dem. Pergin tu autem ? heia, superbe invehere. spero ego mihi quoque tempus tale eventurum, ut tibi gratiam referam parem. Lys. Missas iam ego istas artis feci, Dem. Et quidem ego dehinc iam.

Eut. Nihil agis :

consuetudine animus rursus te hue inducet. Dem. ObsecrOj

satis iam ut habeatis. quia loris caedite etiam, si lubet. Lys. Recte dicis. sed istuc uxor faciet, quom hoc

resciverit. Dem, Nihil opust resciscat,

E%it. Quid istic ? non resciscet, ne time,

eamus intro, non utibilest hie locus^ factis tuis, dum memoramus, arbitri ut sint qui praetereant per vias. Dem. Hercle qui tu recte dicis : eadem brevior fabula

erit. eamus. Eld. Hie est intus filius apud nos tuos.

Deyn. Optumest. iliac per hortum nos domum transi-

bimus. Lys. Eutyche, lianc volo prius rem agi, quam meum

intro refero pedem. Eut. Quid istuc est ?

^ Leo brackets following me. "4

MERCATOR

you, and don't let him be angry with me ! Good

heavens, if 1 had known, or if he had told me even

jokingly that he was in love with her, I'd never

have done such a thing as to deprive him of the

girl he loved. Eutychus, I beseech you — you're

his chum — save me, stand by me ! Do take an^

old fellow under your protection ; you'll say I

remember a kindness.

(tittering) Beg him to overlook the vagaries of your

hot young blood.

{(tngn/) So you're still keeping it up ? Ugh ! The

suj)erior way you drop on me ! I only hope I get

some such opportunity, too, to pay you back in

your own coin !

1 have abandoned such pranks by this time.

{fervently) And I, too, from this time on I

[t's no use : long self-indulgence will lead you

back to them.

Oh, for heaven's sake, make an end now ! Come

on, whip me raw, too, if you like.

A happy thought ! But your wife will attend to

that, when she learns about this.

{quaking) There's no need of her learning I

{doubtful, then patronizingly) Oh, very well. She

shan't learn of it, don't be scared. Let's go

inside : this is not a fit place to discuss your

doings for the enlightenment of passers-by.

Yours is the happy thought, I swear ! And that

will shorten this play, as well. Let's go.

Your son's inside here with us.

Excellent ! VV^e'lI go home across the gai-den

there.

{nervously) Eutychus, I want this matter settled

before I set my foot inside again.

What do you mean ?

115 I 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Suam quisque homo rem meminit. responde mihi : certon scis non suscensei*e mihi tuam matrem ?

Scio. Vide.

Mea fide.

Satis habeo. sed quaeso herclC;, etiam vide. Non mihi credis ?

Immo credo, sed tamen metuo miser. Eamus intro.

Immo dicamus senibus legem censeo, prius quam abeamus, qua se lege teneant conten-

tique sint. annos gnatus sexaginta qui erit, si qiiem scibimus si maritum sive hercle adeo caelibem scortarier, cum eo nos hac lege agemus : inscitum arbitra-

bimur, et per nos quidem hercle egebit qui suom prode-

gerit. I

neu quisquam posthac prohibeto adulescentem

filium quin amet et scortum ducat, quod bono fiat modo ; siquis prohibuerit, plus perdet clam qua si 2)raehi-

buerit palam. haec adeo ut ex hac nocte primum lex teneat senes. bene valete ; atque, adulescentes, haec si vobis lex placet, ob senum hercle industriam vos aequom est clare plaudere.

ii6

MERCATOR

Everyone thinks of his own concerns. Answer me this — do you know for certain your mother isn't angry with me ? I do.

[earnestly) Think now ! Upon my word.

I'm . . . satisfied. But . . . oli, for God's sake, do think again ! You don't believe me ?

Yes, yes, I believe you, but ... I am awfully afraid.

Lets go inside.

No ! [to the audience) I move that before we go we frame a law for old men to keep and be kept by. [foinnally) Whatsoever man, having attained his sixtieth year, be he married or — yes, by gad ! — be he celibate, shall be known to us to wench, with such man we shall deal in accordance with this law : we shall deem him a dotard, and we do swear, that, so far as in us lies, he who wastes his substance shall come to want. Nor is anyone hereafter to prevent his youthful son from having love affairs and mistresses, within due bounds. Such prevention shall cost him more privily than would open provision of the funds required. And furthermore, old men are to be subject to this law from this night on.

Fare ye well. And hark ye, young men, if this law please you, for the old men's sake, I swear, you should applaud us roundl\\ [exeunt omnes.

117

MILES GLORIOSVS

OR

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

ARGVMENTVM I

Meretricem Athenis Ephesum miles avehit. Id dum ero amanti servos nuntiare volt Legato peregre, ipsus captust in mari Et eidem illi militi dono datust. Suom arcessit arum Athenis et forat Geminis communem clam pai-ietem in aedibus, Licere ut quiret convenire amantibus. Oberrans custos hos videt de tegulis. Ridiculis autem, quasi sit alia, luditur. Itemque impellit militem Palaestrio, Omissam faciat concubinam, quando ei Senis vicini ciipiat uxor nubere. Vitro abeat orat, donat multa. i})se in domo Senis prehensus poenas pro moecho luit.

ARGVMENTVM II

Meretricem ingenuam deperibat mutuo Atheniensis iuvenis ; Naupactum is domo legatus abiit. miles in eandem incidit, deportat Ephesum invitam. servos Attici, ut nuntiaret domino factum, navigat ; capitur, donatur illi captus militi, J20

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I)

A soldier carries off a courtesan ^ro^n Athens to Ephesus. Her lover's servant, intending to bring this news to his master, who is abroad on an embassy, is himself captured at sea and given as a gift to that same soldier. Having summoned his master from Athens, he secretly opens a passage in the party wall of the two houses so that the lovers may be allowed to meet. The girl's guard sees them as he is roaming over the roof. But he is hoaxed and humbugged into believing her to be another girl. Palaestrio also induces the soldier to give up his mistress on the score that the wife of the old gentleman next door yearns to marry him. The soldier begs the girl to leave him voluntarily, and lavishes presents on her. Then he himself is caught in the old gentleman's house and comes in for punishment as an adulterer.

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (H)

A young Athenian and a free-born courtesan were madly in love with each other ; but he left home on an embassy to Naupactus. A soldier falls in with the girl, and against her will carries her off to Ephesus. The Athenian's servant sets sail to inform his master of this fact ; he is captured, however, and as a captive is presented to that same soldier. He writes to his master to

121

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

ad eruiiij ut veniret Ephesum, scribit. advolat adulescens, atque in proximo devortitur apud hospitem paternum. medium parietem perfodit servos^ commeatus clanculum K

qua foret amantum. geminam fingit mulieris sororem au^^^se. mox ei dominus aedium suam clientam sollicitandum ad militem subornat. capitur ille, sperat nuptias, dimittit concubinam et moechus vapulat.

PERSONAE

PVRGOPOLYNICES MILES AuTOTROGVS PARASITVS Palaestkio SERVVS Periplectomenvs senex

ScELEDRVS SERVVS PniLOCOMASlVM MVLIER

Plevsicles advlescens lvcrio pver acrotelevtivm meretrix

MiLPHIDIPPA ANCILLA PvER

Cario cocvs

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

come to Ephesus. The young fellow flies there, and puts up at the house next door with a friend of his father. The servant opens up the wall between the houses so that the lovers may have a private passage way. He pretends that the girl's twin sister has come. Then the master of the house provides Palaestrio with a protegee of his own to cajole the soldier. He is taken in, hopes to marry, dismisses his mistress, and is flogged as an adulterer.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

PvRGOPOLYNiCES, rt soldisr. Artotrogus, his parasite. Palaestrio, slave of Pleiisicles, Periplectomenus, an old gentlemaii of Ephesus. ScEi.EDRUs, slave of Pyrgopolynices. Philocomasium, a girl abducted by Pi/rgopoli/»ices. Pleusicles, a young Athenian. LucRio, slave of Pyrgopohjniccs. AcROTELEUTiuM, « courtesuti. Mii.phidippa, her maid. A Slave Boy, belonging to Periplectomenus. Cario, Penplectomenus s cook.

123

TITUS/ MACCIUS PLAUTUS

ACTVS I

Pi'/rg. Curate ut splendor meo sit clupeo clarior

quam solis radii esse olini quom sudumst solent, ut, ubi usus veniat, contra conserta manu praestringat oeulorum aoiem in acie hostibus. nam ego banc macbaeram mibi consolari volo, ne lanaentetur neve animum despondeat, quia se lam pridem feriatam gestitem, quae misera gestit fartem^ facere ex bostibus. sed ubi Artotrogus bic est ?

Art. Stat pi'opter virum

fortf m atque fortunatum et forma regia ; turn bellatoi'em — Mars baud ausit dice're neque aequiperare suas virtutes ad tuas.

Pyrg. Quemne ego servavi in campis Curcuboniis, ubi Bumbomachides Clutomistaridysarcbides erat imperator summus, Neptuni nepos ?

Art. Memini. nempe ilium dicis cum armis aureis, cuius tu legiones difflavisti spiritu, quasi ventus folia aut paniculum tectorium.

Pyrg. Istuc quidem edepol nibil est.

^ fartem Skutsch : gestitet fratrem CDB-, 124

THE BRAOaAKi WARRIOR

Scene : — Ephesus. A street in w/iirh are the adjoining houses of Pyrgopolynices and Periplectomenus.

ACT I

ENTER Pl/rgopoll/nices ttKOU HIS HOUSE, ATTENDED BY

Artotrogus and orderlies, the latter carrying a

TREMENDOUS SHIELD.

opolynices (to orderlies, as he struts back and forth, Artotrogus mimicking him at his heels) Mind ye make my buckler's sheen outshine the wonted radiance of the sun in cloudless sky, that, when 'tis needed in the fray, its rays may dazzle the array of foes that face me. {contemplating his sword) V^erily would I comfort this blade of mine, lest he lament and pine at lingering idle by my side so long, when he doth long, poor lad, to slash to shreds our foemen. (halting) But whereabout here is Artotrogus f

rogus (popping out from behind, with a covert wink at the orderlies) Here, sir, beside our hero bold and blest and of princely bearing ! While as a warrior — Mars would not presume to call himself your peer, or match his powers with yours. (suhUmchj reminiscent) Who was the wight I suc- coured at Weevil Field, where the commander in chief was Battleboomski Mightimercenarimuddle- kin, the grandson of Neptune } I remember, sir. Of course you mean that one with the golden armour whose legions you puffed away with a breath, much as the wind does with leaves, or a thatch roof ? Oh, a mere nothing, that, really I

125

TITUS MACCreapJFLAUTUS

■ Nihil hercle hoc quidenist praeut alia dicam — quapp tu numquam feceris. periuriorem hoc homin(N]ft ri guis viderit aut gloriarum pleniorem qjam illic est, ine sibi habeto, ego me inancupio dabo ; nisi unum, epityruin estur iusanum bene. Vbi tu es ?

Eccum. edepol vel elephanto in India, quo pacto ei pugno praefregisti bi:acchium. Quid, bracchium ?

Illud dicere volui, femur. A I indiligenter iceram.

Pol si quidem conisus esses, per corium, per viscera perque os elephanti transmineret bracchium. Nolo istaec hie nunc.

Ne hercle operae pretium quidemst mihi te narrare tuas qui virtutes sciam. venter creat omnis hasce aerumnas : auribus peraurienda sunt, ne dentes dentiant, et adsentandunist quidquid hie mentibitur. Quid illuc quod dico.?

Ehem, scio iam quid vis dicere. factum hercle est, memini fieri.

Quid id est?

Quidquid est. Habes —

Tabellas vis rogare ? habeo, et stilum.

126

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

Begad, sir! It really was a mere nothing com- pared with other deeds I could mention — {aside) tliat you never did. {to audience, disgustedli/, as the soldier stalks magnificently about) If anyone ever saw a bigger liar and more colossal bi-aggart than this fellow, he can have me for his own with full legal rights, {rejlectively) But there's one thing about it — his olive compote does make elegant eating. {turning, expecting to find Artotrogus at his heels) Where are you .''

{^hopping over behind him) Here, sir ! And that elephant in India, for instance ! My word, sir ! How vour fist did smash his forearm to flinders ! Eh? "^Arm?

His foreleg, I should say, sir. 'Twas but a careless tap.

Lord, yes, sir I If you had really made an effort, your arm would have clean transperforated the beast, hide, flesh, bone, and all. Enough now of these trifles.

Bless your soul, sir, it really isn't worth while to recount your daring deeds to me who know of them, {to audience, as Pyrgopolynices resumes his parade) It's my belly brings all these afflictions on me — I must 'ear him through with my ears, or my teeth will have nothing to teethe on. I've got to agree to any lie he tells. {meditatively) What was I about to say? Aha, sir ! I know what it was already ! By Jove, sir, so you did ! I remember you did ! Did what ? {somewhat embarrassed) Er — whatever you did, sir.

Have you

Waiting tablets, sir? Is that what you want ? I have, sir, and a stilus, too. {shows them).

127

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Facete advortis tuom auimum ad animum meum. Novisse mores tuos me meditate decet curataque adhibere, ut praeolat mihi quod tu velis. Ecquid meministi ?

Memini : centum in Cilicia et quinquaginta, centum in Scytholatronia^ triginta Sardos, sexaginta Macedones ^sunt homines quos tu occidisti uno die. Quanta istaec hominum summast?

Septem milia. Tantum esse oportet. recte rationem tenes. At nullos habeo scriptos : sic memini tamen. Edepol memoria es optuma.

Offae monent. Dum tale facies quale adhuc, assiduo edes, communicabo semper te mensa mea. Quid in Cappadocia, ubi tu quingentos simul, ni hebes machaera foret^ uno ictu occideras ? At peditastelli quia erant, sivi viverent. Quid tibi ego dicam, quod omnes mortales sciunt, Pyrgopolynicem te unum in terra vivere virtute et forma et factis invictissumum ? amant ted omnes mulieres, neque iniuria, qui sis tam pulcher; vel illae quae here pallio me reprehenderunt.

1 Corrupt (Leo) : omnes Studemund.

128

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

(graciously) Thou art expert in fitting thy mind

to mine.

It behooves me to study and understand your

ways, sir, and to take care to scent your wishes

before you speak.

{with clearly assumed indifference) So you remember,

eh.?

Indeed I do, sir. [calculating) One hundred and

fifty in CiHcia .... a hundred in ... .

Jugotheevia .... thirty Sardians sixty

Macedonians — that's the list of the men you slew in a single day, sir. The sum total being what ? Seven thousand, sir.

[reflecting) Yes, it should come to that. Your computation is correct.

I have none of it written down, either, sir. Even so, I remember, just the same. Upon my soul, you have a splendid memory. [aside) Victuals jog it.

Provided you conduct yourself as hitherto, you shall eat incessantly, and always share my table with me. [reinvigorated) And how about that time in Cappa- docia, sir, when you would have slain five hundred men all at one stroke, if your sword had not been dull?

Ah, well, they were but beggarly infantry fellows, so I let them live.

Why should I tell you, sir, what the whole world knows — that you are the one and only Pyrgo- polynices on earth, peerless in valour, in aspect, and in doughty deeds.? All the women love you, sir, and you can't blame them, when you're so handsome. Those girls, for instance, that caught me from behind by the cloak, only yesterday.

129

TiTUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Pyrg. Quid eae dixerunt tibi ?

Art. Rogitabant : "hicine Achilles est?" inquit mihi.

"inimo eius frater " inquam "est." ibi illarum

altera "ergo mecastor pulcher est" inquit mihi *^et liberalis. vide caesaries quam decet. ne illae sunt fortunatae quae cum isto cubant."

Pyrg. Itane aibant tandem ?

Art. Quaen me ambae obsecraverint,

ut te hodie quasi pompam ilia praeterducerem ?

Pyrg. Nimiast miseria nimis pulchrum esse hominem.

Art. Immo itast.

molestae sunt : orant, ambiunt, exobsecrant videre ut liceat, ad sese arcessi iubent, ut tuo non liceat dare operam negotio.

Pyrg. Videtur tempus esse, ut eamus ad forum, ut in tabellis quos consignavi hie heri latrones, ibus denumerem stipendium. nam rex Seleucus me opere oravit maxumo, ut sibi latrones cogerem et conscriberem. regi hunc diem mihi ojieram decretumst dare.

Art. Age eamus ergo.

Pyrg. Sequimini, sateUites.

ACTVS II

Pal. Mihi ad enarrandum hoc argumentum est comitas, si ad auscultandum vosti'a erit benignitas ;

130

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

(with laborious unconcern) What did they say to

you?

They kept asking about you, sir. " Is he

Achilles ? " says one of 'em. " No, his brother,"

says I. "^ Goodness gracious ! That's why he's

such a fine, handsome gentleman," says the other

one. "Just see what lovely hair he has. My!

but the girls that cuddle him are lucky ! "

{giving his cloak a rakish hilch) So they really said

that, eh ?

Well, sir, didn't the both of them implore me to

lead you past there to-day, just as if you were a

parade ?

{trying to yawn) It really is such an affliction to be

so handsome.

Yes, indeed, sir. The women are a nuisance,

with their teasing, soliciting, exsupplicating me

to let 'em see you, and sending for me so much

that I can't attend to your affairs, sir.

{tvith an effort) Well, it seems to be time for us to

go to the forum, so that I may pay the recruits

whom I enlisted here yesterday. King Seleucus,

you know, begged me most urgently to raise and

enrol recruits for him. I have determined to

devote this day to obliging the king.

Come, then, sir, let us be going.

{to orderlies) Attend me, minions I {sweeps off,

Arlotrogus and the orderlies mimicking his stately

pace).

ACT II

ENTEii Palaestrio from the house of Pyrgopolynices.

trio {to audience, pompously) I intend to do you the courtesy of outlining the plot of this play, if you will do me the kindness of listening. However,

131 K 2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

qui autem auscultare nolet, exsurgat foras, ut sit ubi sedeat ille qui auscultare volt, nunc qua adsedistis causa in festivo loco, comoediai quam nos acturi sumus et argumentum et nomen vobis eloquar. Alazon Graece huic nomen est comoediae, id nos Latine gloriosum dicimus. hoc oppidum Ephesust ; illest miles meus erus, qui hinc ad forum abiit, gloriosus, impudens, stercoreusj plenus periuri atque adulteri. ait sese ultro omnis niulieres sectarier : is deridiculost, quaqua incedit, omnibus, itaque hie meretrices, labiis duni ductant eum, maiorem partem videas valgis saviis.

nam ego hau diu apud hunc servitutem servio ; id volo vos scire, quo modo ad hunc devenerim in servitutem ab eo cui servivi prius. date operam, nam nunc argumentum exordiar.

erat erus Athenis mihi adulescens optumus ; is amabat meretricem acre ^ Athenis Atticis, et ilia ilium contra ; qui est amor cultu optumus. is publice legatus Naupactum fuit magnai rei publicai gratia, interibi hie miles forte Athenas advenit, insinuat sese ad illam amicam eri ; - occepit eius matri suppalparier vino, ornamentis opiparisque obsoniis, itaque intimum ibi se miles apud lenam facit. ubi primum evenit militi huic occasio, sublinit os illi lenae, matri mulieris, quam erus meus amabat ; nam is illius filiam

^ acre Tyrrell : matre MSS.

* Corrupt (Leo) : (nieiy eri Lindsaj'.

132

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

he who does not care to listen may arise and leave, so that there may be a seat for him who does, (pauses, with a glare ready for fugitives) Now as to the reason for your assembling in this place of mirth, I shall acquaint you with the plot and name of the comedy we are about to act. The Greek name of this comedy is Alazon, a word which we translate as Braggart. This town is Ephesus. That soldier who left here for the forum is my master, a bragging, brazen, stercoraceous fellow, full of lies and lecliery. He says that all the women insist on running after him. The fact is, wherever he struts, he is the laughing-stock of them all. VVhy, the harlots here make such faces at him, that most of them, you can see, have bowlegged lips, (tries to laugh contagiously)

Now I have not been serving long in his service, myself; and I want you to know how I came to be his servant and left my former service. Attention, please, for now I begin with the plot.

I had a master at Athens, a splendid young gentleman. He was madly in love with a cour- tesan in Athens, Athens in Attica, and she with him — which is the sweetest kind of love affair to have. Now he was sent as a j)ublic commissioner to Naupactus on a matter of public importance. This soldier, meanwhile, chancing to come to Athens, wormed his way into an acquaintance with that mistress of my master, and began to wheedle her mother with his wine and gewgaws and costly catering, till he got to be on very good terms with the old bawd there. But the moment his chance came our soldier played a game on the bawd — the motherof the girl my master loved

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

conicit in navem miles clam matrem suam, eamque hue invitam mulierem in Ephesum advehit.

ul)i amicam erilem Athenis avectam scio, ego quantum vivos possum mihi navem paro, inscendo, ut eam rem Naupactum ad erum nuntiem. ubi sumus provecti in altum, fit quod di volunt, capiunt praedones navem illam ubi vectus fui : prius perii quam ad erum veni, quo ire occeperam.

ille qui me cepit dat me huic dono militi. hie postquam in aedis me ad se deduxit domum, video illam amicam erilem, Athenis quae fuit. ubi contra aspexit me, oculis mihi signum dedit, ne se appellai-em ; deinde, postquam occasio est, conqueritur mecum mulier foi-tunas suas : ait sese Athenas fugere cupere ex hac domu, sese ilium amare meum erum, Athenis qui fuit, neque peius quemquam odisse quam istum militem.

ego quoniam inspexi mulieris sententiam, cepi tabellas, consignavi, clanculum dedi mercatori cuidam, qui ad ilium deferat meum erum, qui Athenis fuerat, qui hanc amaverat, ut is hue veniret. is non sprevit nuntiuni ; nam et venit et is in proximo hie devertitur apud suom paternum hospitem, lejndum senem ; isque illi amanti suo hospiti morem gerit nosque opera consilioque adhortatur, iuvat. itaque ego paravi hie intus magnas machinas, qui amantis una inter se facerem convenas. nam unum conclave, concubinae quod dedit miles, quo nemo nisi eapse inferrct pedem, in eo conclavi ego perfodi parietem,

134

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

— by spiriting away her daughter, clapping her aboard ship, and carrying her off to Ephesus here against her will.

As for me, when I learned my master's mistress had been carried away from Athens, I got me a ship as fast as I knew how, and embai'ked to take the news to my master at Naupactus. Once out at sea, the gods saw fit for pirates to capture the ship that carried me. There I was, dished, before I had reached the master I was bound for !

My captor made this soldier a present of me. On being taken to his house by him, whom did I see but that sweetheart of master's who had been at Athens ! When she spied me in front of her, she signalled ntie with her eyes not to speak her name ; and then, when a chance came, she told me how unhappy she was, saying she longed to escape from this house to A^tUcns, loving that man who had been "^y master at Athens as she did, and loa*lung no one worse than that soldier.

When I perceived how she felt, I got some tablets, sealed a letter, and gave it on the sly to a certain merchant to carry to that master of mine who had lived at Athens and loved her, so as to get him here. The message was not disregarded by him, for here he is, and in this house next door, too, {poinling) stopping with a friend of his father's, a delightful old gentleman, who is seconding his guest in his love affair and giving us every encouragement and help in word and deed. In consequence, I have got up a splendid scheme inside here for letting the lovers meet and be together. You see the soldier gave his girl one room in which no one but herself was to set foot, and I dug a hole through the wall of this room, so

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

qua commeatus clam esset hinc hue mulieri ; et sene sciente-bee^e^ : is consilium dedit.

nam meus bojiservos^st homo baud magni preti, quern concubinaelmTes custodem addidit. ei nos facetis fabricis et doctis dolis glaucumam ob oculos obiciemus eumque ita faciemus ut quod viderit ne viderit. et mox ne erretis, haec duarum hodie vicem suam et hinc et illinc mulier feret imaginem, atque eadem erit, verum alia esse adsimulabitur. ita sublinetur os custodi mulieris. sed foris concrepuit hinc a vicino sene ; ipse exit : hie illest lepidus queni dixi senex.

II. 2.

Per. Ni hercle difFregeritis talos posthac r/uemque in

tegulis videritis alienum, ego vostra faciam latera loreju mi equidem iam arbitVi vicini sunt, meae quid fiat

domi, ita per impluvium intro spectant. nunc adeo

edico omnibus : quemque a milite hoc videritis hominem in nostris

teguliSj extra unum Palaestrionem, hue deturbatote in

viam. quod ille gallinam aut columbam se' sectari aut

simi.'mi dicat, disperiistis ni usque ad mortem male mul-

cassitis. atque adeo ut ne legi fraudem faciant aleariae, adcuratote ut sine talis domi agitent convivium.

136

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

providing a secret passage for her from this house (point htg) into that one. And this with the old gentleman's knowledge — in fact, at his suggestion. Now, the fellow-servant of mine that the soldier set on guard over the girl is no good at all. What with our clever hocus-pocus and canny flimflam, we shall throw dust iri his eyes and make him fail to see what he does see. And just to keep you from confusion later on, this girl {poiniing to the soldier's house) will soon take the parts of two girls, appearing as one from this house, and one from {pointitig to the house of Feriplectomenns) that — the same girl, mind you, but pretending to be another one. That is how her guard will be made game of. (listening and looking) But I hear a noise at our old neighbour's door ! He is coming out, himself {to audience) This is that delightful old gentleman I was speaking of. {steps aside)

le 2. ENTEtt Periphclovienus from his house.

plectomenus {to slaves within) By the Lord, if after this you don't break the legs of every outsider you see on our roof, I'll make rawhide of your ribs ! The idea of my neighbours witnessing what goes on. in my house by looking in through the skylight in that way ! Now mark my words, all of you ! Whoever you see from that soldier's house on our roof, with the one exception of Palaestrio, pitch him off into the street ! And as for his saying he's chasing a hen, or a dove, or a monkey — ^)'ou're dead men, if you don't cudgel him till he's a corpse. And furthermore, just to keep them from breaking the Dicing Act, see to it that when they give a party there's not a set of bones

amongst 'em !

137

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Nescio quid malefactum a nostra hie faniiliast,

qiiantiim audio ; ita hie senex talos elidi iussit conservis nieis ; sed me excepit : nihili facio, quid ilHs faeiat

ceteris, adgrediar homincm.

Estne advorsum hie qui advenit Palaestrio ? Quid agiSj Periplectomeiie ?

Hau multos homines, si optandum foret, 1' nunc videre et convenire quam te mavellem.

Quid est? quid tumultuas cum nostra familia?

Occisi sumus. Quid negotist?

Res palamst.

Quae res palamst ?

De tegulis modo nescio quis inspectavit vestrum faniiliarium per nostrum impluvium intus apud nos Philocoin-

asium atque hosjiitem osculantis.

Quis homo id vidit ?

Tuos conservos.

Quis is liomost ? Nescio, ita abripuit repente sese subito.

Suspicor me pcriisse.

Vbi abit, conclamo : " heus quid agis tu " inquam " in tegulis ? " ille niihi abiens ita respondit "se sectari simiam." V'ae mihi misero, quoi pereundumst propter nihili

bestiam. ]|

sed Philocomasium hicine etiam nunc est ?

Quom exibam, hie erat.

138

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

(aside) Someone from our house has been up to some mischief or other^ I take it, since our old friend commands 'em to crush my fellow-servants' bones. He excepted me, though. Little I care what he does to the rest of 'em. I'll up to him. (udvances)

(seeing him) Isn't that Palaestrio coming towards me .''

Ho«' goes it, Periplectomenus, sir ? There aren't many men I had rather see and meet now than you, if I had my choice. What's tlie matter.'' What are you squabbling with our people for, sir ?

We're done for ! ipi^.

What's the trouble .'' '

It's all out. Wliat's all out .?

Someone or other from your hou: ., .jU. iiow looked in from the roof through oujssiig^ight and saw Philocomasium and my gue»k<- inside'' here kissing each other. a) 'm' 'iJ5„aol

Who was it saw them ? ' ' ■

A fellow-servant of yours. Who was he ? utuJ"

I don't know. He darted ofFlilte a shot, all of a sudden.

(drybj) Methinks I am done for I I yelled at him as he went. "Hey!" says I, " What are you doing on the roof.^" "Chasing a monkey," says he, and disappears. It's danuied hard luck to see myself done for all on account of a w orthless beast ! But Philoco- masium— is she still here? (^j)oinli7ig to Periplecfo- menus's hoits^) She was when 1 came out.

139

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

I sis, iube transire hue quantum possit, se ut

videant domi familiares, nisi quidem ilia nos volt, qui servi sumus, propter amorem suom omnes erucibus contuber-

nales dari. Dixi ego istue ; nisi quid aliud vis.

Volo. hoc ei dicito : })rofecto ut ne quoquam de ingenio degrediatur

muliebri earumque arteni et disciplinam optineat colere.

Quem ad niodum ? ^Vt eum^ qui hie se vidit, verbis vincat, ne is se

viderit. *«ftjH»idem centiens hie visa sit, tamen infitias eat. OS habet, Knguani, perfidiam, malitiarh atque

audaciam, LOiifidentiani, confirmitatem, fraudulentiani. qui argtia^'^*, eum contra vincat iureiurando suo : domi bal)««^i^inium falsiloquom, falsificum, falsi-

iurinm, "i^ domi doles, domi deknifica facta, domi fallacia* • nam mulier'hoiitori numquam supplicat, si quafet

mala : domi habet hortum et condimenta ad omnis morefe

maleficos. ii^ii Tlo b-!*,'!.

Ego istaec, si erit hie, nuntiabo. sed quid est,

Palaestrio, >i;o!

quod volutas tute tecurwiii corde ?

Paulisper tace, dum ego mihi consilia in animum convoco et dum

consulo quid agam, quem dolum doloso 'cdfltHl' Conservo

parem, > ' •

qui illam hie vidit osculantem, id visum ut ne

visum siet.

140

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

Please go tell her to go over to our house, sir, as fast as she can, so that folks there can see that she's at home — that is, unless she wants her love affair to cause all us slaves to be made Companions of the Cross.

Consider her told. Anything else before I go ? Yes, sir. Tell her this — she must be sure not to depart one inch from women's ways, but abide strictly by their tactics and training. How do you mean .'

So as to persuade the servant that saw her he didn't see her. No matter if she were seen here a hundred times, she must deny it just the same. She's cheeky and glib and crooked, with plenty of shrewdness and nerve ; she's full of intrepidity, indomitability, fraudulency. If anyone accuses her, she's to turn on him and out-swear him. She's stocked with smooth talk, smooth tricks, and smooth oaths, stocked with wiles, stocked with wheedling ways, stocked with humbug. 1 tell you, sir, a woman never applies to a coster- monger, if she's full of the devil ; she has her own stock of garden stuff, and all the sauces, for dishing up every kind of deviltry I'll take this message to her, if she is here, (seeing Palaestrio is lost an meditation) But what are you communing with yourself about, Palaestrio ? Keep still a moment, sir, while I call my wits to council and confer as to what to do and how to take my turn at tricking that tricky fellow servant of mine that saw her kissing here, so as to make what was seen unseen.

141

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Quaere : ego hinc abscessero aps te hue interim.

illuc sis vide, quein ad modum adstitit, severo fronte curans

cogitans. pectus digitis pultat, cor credo evocaturust foras ; ecce avortit : nixus laevo in femine habet laevani

manum, dextera digitis rationem computat, ferit femur dexterum. ita vehementer icit : quod agat aegre

suppetit. concrepuit digitis: laborat ; crebro commutat

status, eccere autem capite nutat : non placet quod

repperit. quidquid est, incoctum non expromet, bene coctum

dabit. ecce autem aedificat : columnam mento suffigit

suo. apage, non placet profecto mi illaec aedificatio ; nam os columnatum poetae esse indaudivi barbaro, cui bini custodes semper totis horis occubant. eugCj euscheme hercle astitit et dulice et comoe-

dice ; numquam hodie quiescet prius quam id quod petit

perfecerit. habet opinor. age si quid agis, vigila, ne somno

stude, nisi quJdem hie agitare mavis varius virgis vigilias. tibi ego dico. an heri maduisti ? heus te adloquor,

Palaestrio : vigila inquam, expergiscere inquam, lucet hoc

inquam.

^ An allusion to the Roman (barbaro) poet Naevius, imprisoned for lampooning the aristocracy.

* His chainsf 142

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

Tliink it out. I'll step over here in the mean- while, {moves aivaij and amusedly watches Palaeslrio at /lis gesticulations) Just look at him, how he stands there with bent brow, considering and cogitating. He's tapping his chest with his fingers. Intends to summon forth his intelligence, I suppose. Aha I Turns away I Rests his left hand on his left thigh, and reckons on the fingers of his right hand. Gives his right thigh a smack ! A lusty whack — his plan of action is having a hard birth. Snaps his fingers ! He's in distress. Constantly changes his position ! Look there, though ; he's shaking his head — that idea won't do ! He won't take it out half baked, whatever it is, but give it to us done to a turn. Look, though ! (as Palaeslrio rests his chin on his hand) He's building— supporting his chin with a pillar. None of that ! I don't fancy that sort of building, not for a minute. For I happen to have heard that a foreign poet^ has a pillared face and a couple of custodians 2 always lying on him hour after hour, [as Palaestrio takes a new attitude) Glorious! A graceful pose, indeed! Just like the slaves in the comedies ! Never will he rest this day till what he wants is all worked out, {Palaestrio suddenly seems illumined) He's got it, I do believe ! {aloud, impatiently, as Palaestrio' s light seems to fail) If you're going to do anything, do it ! Wake up, don't settle down to a snooze — that is, unless you prefer to stand watch here pummeled to a piece of patchwork. I say, you ! You didn't'get drunk yesterday, did you } Hey I I'm talking to you, Palaestyio ! Wake up, I tell you ! Stir yourself, I tell you ! It's morning, I tell you !

143

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Audio. Viden hostis tibi adesse tuoque tergo obsidium ?

consule, arripe opem auxiliumque ad banc rem : propere

boc, non placide decet. anteveni abqua aut tu aliquosum circumduce

exercitum, coge in obsidium perduellis, nostris praesidium

para ; interclude inimicis commeatum, tibi muni viam qua cibatus commeatusque ad te et legiones tuas tuto possit pervenire : banc rem age, res subitaria

est.i tu unus si recipere boc ad te dicis, confidentiast nos inimicos profligare posse.

Dico et recipio ad me.

Et ego impetrare dico id quod petis.

At te lupjiiter bene amet.

Auden participare me quod commentu's .''

Tace, dum in regionem astutiarum mearum te induce,

ut scias iuxta mecum mea consiUa.

Salva sumes indidem. Erus meus elepbanti corio circumtentust, non suo, neque habet plus sapientiai quam lapis.

Ego istuc scio. Nunc sic rationem incipisso, banc instituam as- tutiam,

1 Leo brackets following vv., 226-228 : reperi, comminiscere, cedo calidum cotisiliiim cito, quae hie sunt visa ut visa ne sint, facta xit facta ne sient. magnam illic homo rem incipissit, magna munit moenia.

144

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

{still preoccupied^ I hear, sir.

Don't you see that the enemy are upon you and

endangering your rear ? Lay your plans ! ^ Get

hold of help and support to meet the crisis. This

is a time for doing, not dreaming ! Steal a march

on them in some way, or encircle 'em with your

army somehow. Aid our men, and ambuscade

our foemen ! Cut oflT the enemy's supplies, secure

your line of march so that stores and supplies can

come to you and your troops in safety. Act !

Quick action's called for ! Just you say you'll

take charge of operations yourself, and I'm

confident we can overthrow our foes.

[sublimely) I do say so. I do take charge.

{clapping him on the hack) And I say you will

obtain what you want.

And you, sir, may God bless you !

Won't you impart your scheme to me ?

{magnijiceni) Silence, sir, while I conduct you into

the purlieus of my machinations, that you may

know my plans as well as I,

You shall have them back from me intact.

Now, sir, my master is circumcompassed with an

elephant's hide, not a human being's, and he has

no more sense than a stone.

I know that, myself.

Now this is the way I'll work it, sir ; here's the

machination I'll set agoing. I'll say that Philoco-

^ Vv. 226-228 : Hit on something, use your wits, come, produce some plan of campaign piping hot, so that what's been seen will be unseen, and what's done undone, (aside) The fellow's at something big. It's a big barricade he's building.

145 VOL. III. L

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

ut Philocomasio hue sororem geminam germanam

alteram dicam Atheiiis advenisse cum amatore aliquo suo, tarn similem^ quam lacte lactist ; apud te eos hie

devortier dicam hosjntio.

Euge euge, lepide, laudo commentum tuom. Vt si illic concriminatus sit advorsum mihtem meus conservoSj earn vidisse liic cum alieno

osculaiier, eam arguam vidisse apud te contra conservom meum cum suo amatore amplexantem atque osculantem.

Immo 02)tume. idem ego dicam, si ex me exquiret miles.

Sed simillimas dicito esse, et Philocomasio id praecipiendum est

ut sciat, ne tituhet, si exquiret ex ea miles.

Nimis doctum dolum. sed si ambas videre in uno miles concilio volet, quid agimus ?

Facilest : trecentae possunt causae conligi : "non domist, abiit ambulatum, dormit, ornatur,

lavat, prandet, potat : occupatast, operae non est, non

potest," quantum vis prolationum, dum modo hunc prima via inducamus, vera ut esse credat quae mentibimur. Placet ut dicis.

Intro abi ergo, et si isti est mulier, eam lube cito domum transire, atque haec ei dice monstra

praecipe, ut teneat consilia nostra^ quem ad modum exorsi

sumus, de gemina sorore. 146

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

masium's own twin sister has arrived from Athens

with some lover of hers, and that she and Pliiloeo-

masium are as much alike as two drops ot milk.

I'll say they're being entertained at your house

here.

Fine ! Fine ! Glorious ! That's a great idea !

So if that fellow servant of mine goes to the

soldier charging her with the fact that he saw

her kissing a stranger here [indicating Periplecto-

mcniiss house) I'll rebut him, claiming that the

fellow saw this sister at your house hugging and

kissing her own lover.

Wonderful, wonderful And I'll tell the same

story, in case the soldier questions me.

But tell him they're absolutely alike, sir. And

Philocomasium must be warned, so that she'll

know about this and not make any slip, in case

the soldier questions her.

A very shrewd scheme, indeed ! But if the

soldier wants to see them both together, what

then ?

That's easy, sir. Hundreds of excuses can be

evolved: — "She's not at home . . . she's out for

a walk . . . she's asleep . . . dressing . . . bathing

. . . dining ... at a party . . . she's busy . . . not

at leisure . . . it's impossible." You can put him

off in any number of ways, so long as we get him

started right — believing the lies we tell him.

Yes, that sounds good.

Go in, then, sir, and if the girl's there, bid her

go over home at once. And tell her about this,

inform and instruct her fully, so that she'll

understand this plan we're setting on foot, about

her twin sister.

147 l2

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Docte tibi ill am perdoctam dabo. numquid aliud ?

Intro ut abeas. Abco.

Et quidem ego ibo domum atque lioniinem investigando operani huic dissimu-

labiliter dabo, qui fuerit conservos qui hodie sit sectatus simiam. nam ille non potuit quin sermone suo aliquem

familiarium participaverit de arnica eri, sese vidisse earn hie in proximo osculantem cum alieno adules-

centulo. novi morem : egomet tacere nequeo solus quod scio. si invenio qui vidit, ad eum vineas pluteosque agam : res paratast, vi pugnandoque hominem caperest

certa res. si ita non reperio, ibo odorans quasi canis venaticus, usque donee persecutus volpem ero vestigiis. sed fores crepuerunt nostrae, ego voci moderabor

meae ; nam illic est Philocomasio custos mens conservos

qui it foi'as.

Nisi quidem ego liodie ambulavi dormiens in

tegulis, certo edepol scio me vidisse hie proxumae viciniae Philocomasium erilem amicam sibi malam rem

quaerere. Hie illam vidit osculantem, quantum hunc audivi

loqui. Quis hie est?

Tuos conservos. quid agis, Sceledre ?

Te, Palaestrio, volup est convenisse. 148

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

I'll give you a girl who's coached and coached completely. Anything else ? Just that you go in^ sir.

I am going. [exit.

And I'll go home^ too, and do the old gentleman a good turn, surreptitiousfully, by tracking down that fellow servant of mine who chased the monkey to-day. For he couldn't have helped talking and letting someone of the household share his news about master's mistress, how he saw her and a strange young fellow kissing each other here next door. I know their way — " Why. I just can't keep a secret all to myself." If 1 find the chap that saw her, I'll at him with mantlet and siege-shed. I'm ready for action, determined to take him by storm and assault. If I don't discover him in that way, I'll go sniffing about like a hound till I've followed the fox up by his track, [listeniug) But our door creaked ! I must lower my voice. {Seeled rus appears iu the doortvay) Aha ! It's my fellow servant, Philoco- masium's guard, that's coming out. {steps back)

e 3. ENTKii Sceledrus, worried and perplexed.

Now if I wasn't walking on the roof in my sleep

to-day, I'm positive, positive, by gad, that I did

see master's mistress, Philocomasium, next door

here looking for trouble !

{in a low tone) He's the chap that saw her kissing,

from what I heard him say !

{hearing a i^oice) Who's that?

{advaficiiig) Your fellow servant. How goes it,

Sceledrus ?

Oh, Palaestrio, I'm awfully glad to meet you !

149

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Pal. Quid iam ? aut quid negotist ? fac sciam.

Seel. Metuo —

Pal. Quid metuis ?

Seel. Ne hercle liodie, quantum liic familiariumst,

maxumum in malum cruciatumque insuliamus. Pal Tu sail

solus, nam ego istam insulturam et desulturam nil nioror. Seel. Nescis tu fortasse, apud nos facinus quod natumst

novom. Pal. Quod id est facinus ? Seel. Inipudicum.

Pal- Tute scias soli tibi,

mihi ne dixis, scire nolo. Seel. Non enim faciam quin scias.

simiam hodie sum sectatus nostram in horum tegulis. Pal. Edepol, Sceledre, homo sectatu's nihili nequam

bestiam. Seel. Di te perdant.

Pal 'I'e istuc aequom — quoniam occepisti, eloqui.

Seel. Forte fortuna per impluvium hue despexi in proxumum, atque ego illi aspicio osculantem Philocomasium

cum altero nescio quo adulescente.

Quod ego, Sceledre, scelus ex te audio .^ Profecto vidi.

Tutin?

Egomet duobus his oculis meis, Abi, non verisimile dicis, neque vidisti.

Num tibi lippus videor ? Pal- Medicum istuc tibi meliust percontarier.

150

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

1 1 ow is that ? What is the matter ? Let me know.

{looking about cautiously) I'lii afraid

Afraid of wliat ?

Oh Lord I That all sorts of trouble and torture

are what every one of us slaves here is in for

to-day I

(coldly) In by yourself, then ! No such innings

or outings for me !

I daresay you don't know about the horrible,

unheard of thing that has happened at our house.

What is this horrible thing ?

It's shameless !

V'ou keej) your knowledge quite to yourself ; don't

tell me ; I do not want to know.

Well, 1 won't let you not know. I chased our

monkey to-day on their roof, (jjoiniing to Peri-

plectomenus' s house)

(drily) Gdd, Sceledrus, then a useless man chased

a worthless beast !

You be damned !

(vigorously) The appropriate thing for you —

{viildly) is to tell your tale, since you have begun.

I just happened to happen to look down through

the skylight into the house next door here, and

there I spied Philocomasium and some young

fellow, I don't know who, kissing each other.

{horri/lcd) Sceledrus I What scandalous tale is

this ?

I certainly did see her.

You yourself.''

I myself, with these two ejes of mine.

Oh, get out I A likely story ! You saw no such

thing I

I don't seem blear-eyed to you, do I ?

A doctor is the proper person to consult about that.

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

verum enim tu istam, si te di ament, temere hau

tollas fabulam : tuis nunc cruribus capitique fraudem capitalem

hinc creas. nam tibi iam ut pereas paratum est dupliciter^ nisi

suppi'imis tuom stultiloquium.

Qui vero dupliciter?

Dicam tibi. primumdum, si falso insimulas Philocomasium,

hoc perieris ; iterum, si id verumst, tu ei custos additus eo

perieris. Quid fuat me^ nescio : haec me vidisse ego certo

scio. Pergin^ infelix ?

Quid tibi vis dicam nisi quod viderim .'' quin etiam nunc intus hie in proxumost.

Eho an non demist ? Vise, abi intro tute, nam ego mi iam nil credi

postulo. Certum est facere.

Hie te opperiar ; eadem illi insidias dabo, quam mox horsuni ad stabulum iuvenix recipiat se

a pabulo. quid ego nunc faciam? custodem me illi miles

addidit : nunc si indicium facio, interii ; si taceo, interii

tamen, si hoc palam fuerit. quid peius muliere aut

audacius? dum ego in tegulis sum, illaec sese ex hospitio

edit foras ; edepol facinus fecit audax. hocine si miles

sciat,

152

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

{earnestly) But for the love of Heaven, man, be in no hurry to father that fable ! You are hatching a fatal affliction for your own heels and head by this now. Why, you have made double arrange- ments to do for yourself, unless you check your silly chatter,

(alanned) Double ? Really ? How so ? (veiy superior) I will tell you how so. In the first place, if you accuse Philocomasium falsely, this will do for you ; secondly, if it is true, you were appointed her guard, and that will do for you.

{doggedbj) What'll become of me, I don't know ; I certainly do know that this is what I saw. You persist, you poor devil }

What d'ye want me to tell you, unless what I did see ? Why, even now she's in this house next door. {excitedly) Hey } She's not at home ? Look and see. Go inside, yourself, for I'm not asking to be believed in anything, now. {making for the door, madly) Just what I will do!

[exit. I'll wait for you here. At the same time I'll waylay that heifer and see how soon she hies herself hitherward from pasture to stall, (rejieding, gloomily) What shall I do now } The soldier made me her guard. So if I disclose it, I'm a dead man ; but if I keep mum, I'm a dead man still, once this gets out. Oh, what's wcrse or more audacious than a woman ? While I was on the roof, she left her quarters and slipped out of doors. Good Lord I That was an audacious thing to do ! If the soldier should find this out, by heaven, I do

153

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

credo hercle litis sustollat aedis totas atqiie luinc

in crucem. hei-de quidqiiid est, mussitabo ])otiiis quam in-

tereani male ; lion ego possum quae ipsa sese venditat tutarier. Pal. Sceledre, Sceledre, quis homo in terra te alter est audacior ? quis magis dis inimiris natus quam tu atque iratis? Scd. Quid est ?

Pal. luben tibi oculos exfodiri, quibus id quod nusquam

est vides ? Seel. Quid, nusquam ?

Pal. Non ego tuam empsim vitam vitiosa nuce.

Seel. Quid negotist ?

Pal. Quid negoti sit rogas ?

Seel. Cur non rogem ?

Pal. Non tu tibi istam praetruncari linguam largilo-

quam iubes ? Seel. Quam ob rem iubeam ?

Pal. Philocomasium eccam domi, quam in proxumo

vidisse aibas te osculantem atque amplexantem cum altero. Seel. Mirumst lolio victitare te tam vili tritico. Pal. Quid iain ? Seel. Quia luscitiosu's.

Pal. Verbero, edepol tu quideni

caecus, non luscitiosu's. nam ilia quidemcertost ^ domi. Seel. Quid domi } Pal. Domi hercle vero.

Seel. Abi, ludis me, Palaestrio.

Pal. Tum niihi sunt manus inquinatae.

^ Ccrtost Goetz : Leo notes lacuna here. ^ Darnel being bad for the eyes.

THE BRAGGART WARRIOR

believe he'd set up this wliole establishyiient, including yours truly^ on a cross I By heaven, no matter what it is, I'll keep mum rather than die in misery! 1 can't keep watch of a wench that's always on the market

RE-E\TKR Palaestiio.

(shocked) Sceledrus, Sceledrus, where on earth is

a more brazen man than you ? Where is a man

born under a more evil and more ireful star than

yours ?

{hlanklii) What's the matter ?

Just tell someone to gouge out those eyes of

yours, will you, that see things that never were.

What? Never were?

Not a rotten nut would I give for your life.

{tvorried) What's wrong ?

You ask what's wrong ?

Why shouldn't I ask ? v

Have that twaddling tongue of yours lopped off,

will vou ?

Why' so?

Why, there Philocomasium is, at home I And

you said you saw her and some man kissing and

hugging each other next door here !

(scornful) It's a wonder you live on darnel ^ when

wheat comes so cheap.

What do you mean ?

Because you're bleary-eyed.

By gad, you ropesend, it is blind you are, not

bleary-eyed ! She certainly is at home, I tell you.

At home, indeed !

Yes, by gad, at home !

Get out ! You're fooling me, Palaestrio I

(contemptuous) Then my hands have got dirty.

155'

TITUS MACCIUS PLAUTUS

Seel. Qui dum?

Pal. Quia ludo luto.

Sccl. Vae capiti tuo.

Pal. Tuo istuc, Sceledre, promitto fore^

nisi oculos orationemque aliam commutas tibi. sed fores concrepuerunt nostrae. Sccl. At ego ilico observo foris ;

nam nihil est qua hinc hue transire ea possit nisi recto ostio. Pal. Quin domi eccam. nescio quae te, Sceledre,

scelera suscitant. Sccl. Mihi ego video, mihi ego